Cool news (although not yet "THE news")

We have had a few cool things happen lately that we are praising God for:

• We are moving this weekend to a new two-bedroom (answer to prayer!) flat at the Baptist Seminary. This flat will be free of charge because of our ministry there in the coming year.

• This coming Tuesday, June 27th, we will get to visit the baby orphanage in Prague--the place where our daughter will likely come from, although there is no guarantee of that. While there, we will get to see what it is like and ask lots of questions of the head doctor.

• Because there is no baby yet, we get to go to California for my sister's wedding (yippeee!), seeing dear friends, and a whole lot of shopping to stock up for next year! We will be in California from June 28th- July 15th, unless we get "the call," in which case our plane tickets are changeable so we can come back early.

• Matt's visa is ready!!!! This is incredible news because they told us it would take a minimum of 2-4 months and it only took 4 weeks! HUGE ANSWER TO PRAYER!

• Our wonderful TeachOverseas.org community here in the Czech Republic suprised us with an awesome baby shower, complete with a beautiful basket full of goodies, lovingly compiled and decorated by our very-gifted friend, Amy Smith.

• Our digital camera broke (perfect timing--weddings and babies ahead!) but we were able to find the same one on ebay for a great price

• We have bought a family season pass to the Prague zoo--which is a fantastic zoo and which we hope to visit many times with the baby!

So, lots of good, though stressful, things... Thanks so much to everyone who is praying and encouraging us in this process.

Musings on Change and Fuzzi Bunz

When I was younger, I really hated change. In recent years, I thought maybe I was over my aversion. After all, change often brings new things that we have been hoping and waiting for for a long time--like babies, new jobs, new places to live and other adventures. In that last few weeks, though, I have been reminded that change is still very painful, especially when a lot of major changes happen in the span of a month or two (the above list, for example)!

Some good news:

• a specific flat (apartment) has been designated for us at the Seminary and it is in the building we had hoped for and has 2 bedrooms (for a while it looked like only 1 bedroom flats would be available)
• not having the baby yet means I have been able to work during June which means no lost income for the month
• the sun has officially returned to Prague and we don't have to wear coats anymore :-)
• we had a great time babysitting our little friend, Nehemiah (almost 3 years old) last weekend--good preparation for what's ahead!
• we decided to buy cloth diapers, which I'm actually really excited about because they are Fuzzi Bunz new high-tech cloth diapers of the future :-)
• it looks like we will probably be able to go to California for Sarah's wedding (yippeee!!!)

The Insider Perspective

So, last night we had a helpful phone call about the adoption which put a lot of things into perspective.

We had heard about a woman named Marie who is a Czech Christian trained as a psychologist at Wheaton College (in the States.) She works at an orphanage in Ostrava, which is in the eastern part of the Czech Repulic, and she is friends with many of the ESI teachers out there.

We called Marie last night because we had heard that she helped another couple to be matched wtih a little boy from her orphanage and that the couple had felt so supported by her and knew she had really loved and prayed for their little boy.

Marie was wonderful and really helpful. Unfortunately, it's not as simple as having her just find us a baby girl in her orphanage. She explained the system to us much more comprehensively than anyone has up to this point. Evidently, we need to wait for the Prague process to run its course first because the babies from other regions only become available nationwide after three families have been offered them and chosen not to adopt them. Marie also said that we are still relatively early in the process and she felt very sure they would find a baby for us in Prague within a few months at the longest. However, she encouraged us to keep in touch and feel free to ask her any questions along the way.

It was deeply encouraging to hear from someone who really understands the process that there is nothing to be concerned about and we're on the path toward having the baby soon. She also gave some wise advice about health issues in the children and how to be sure we know exactly what health problems our baby may have.

Thank you God for an ally and a source of much-longed-for information!

Where are you baby? Part II

For weeks when we have been asked the question, "So, have you heard anything yet?" we've been saying, "No... We told them we wouldn't be free until June 1st, so we won't hear anything till then." Of course all this time we had been hoping that June 1st would roll around and we would get the good news very soon: "Great! She's all ready. Come and get her!"

Now June 1st has come and gone and we do have some news, but not the news we had hoped to hear.

Earlier this week, we sent an email to the Magistrate to let them know that we would be finished with our most pressing work responsibilities as of Monday June 5th and available to receive the baby from then on. The polite and prompt reply came back the next day via our translator. "Please tell them we know they are eager but we haven't yet found a baby for them. We are continuing to search and hope it will be soon."

Bummer!

The hardest thing for me about the way adoption happens (at least here in the Czech Republic) is the lack of concrete information and a sense of timing (i.e. "Are we talking next week or six months from now?" "Hmm.... No idea."). I battle feelings of powerlessness and being at the whim of bureaucrats I can't even speak with directly about something so deeply important to us. It's not that I think it won't happen. I know it will (see note on platitudes below) but it is simply hard having so much uncertainty.

For example, I have no idea when my last day of work will be. That means any lesson with a particular group (whom I see just once a week) could be the last one, so it is hard to know how and when to say goodbye. (I have already talked to my school and will stop working once we get "the call.")

Last night, Matt was gracious enough to help me do something constructive with these frustrated feelings by moving around our furniture configuration in our bedroom in order to put the crib where we want it. We decided we might as well get it ready now because it is something concrete we can do to be more prepared and it will also help us get used to the new arrangement so that there won't be too many changes all at once.

A FINAL NOTE ON PLATITUDES
Thank you to everyone for praying and listening and caring. If you have ever been in a frustrating time and shared about your feelings with other Christians, you may be able to relate to the feeling of just wanting to be heard and affirmed. So, with genuine gratitude for the kind-hearted intentions behind this common Christian practice, I give all our dear friends and family permission *not to* respond to my current feelings with statements such as, "God is in control" and "Everything will come together in God's perfect timing." :-)

Some potentially more helpful responses would be something like:

"I can imagine it must be really hard to wait."
"How can we be praying for her and for you right now?"
"What are you looking forward to about being a new mom/dad?"
"What will you miss about your life before parenting?"

P.S. Of course, I have found in the past that every time I have posted something about the adoption up on this blog, we seem to receive new information that the exact opposite scenario of what I just reported has now become the likely new scenario. So maybe when I hit that magic little "Publish Post" button here in a second, I will hear my phone ring... :-)

Life's Leaving Exams

This week I am sitting with my two beloved groups of seniors through the torture that is their Senior Leaving Examination (Maturita.) The last four years have built to this--one hour of oral exams for which they have to prepare 100 different topics from fields like Czech language and literature, English, German, Spanish, Chemistry, Biology...

It's amazing how so much study can come down to one morning of your life when a committee of people more or less decide your value as a scholar. But not your value as a human being.

A few days ago, I sent a heartfelt letter via email to all my senior students (see the next blog entry below). In it, I shared about my journey of teaching them in the last three years and my gratitude for the ways they stretched me and the experiences we shared. I mentioned favorite memories of them and finished with some life advice from my own experience. Cheesy, perhaps, but it was very sincere. I sent it off, wondering if they would simply brush it aside, or actually be touched by the words.

Yesterday morning before church, I received this reply from Veronika (in the center of the picture above):

"Dear Mrs. Thomas,

I´m really sorry that I´m answering You so late, but I´ve read Your e-mail just before a moment. You´re right when You say that this week is crazy. It is VERY, VERY, VERY CRAZY!!! I have to still study a lot, but when I read Your message, I MUST answer You. I have never received such a beatiful email.... So, I would like to say You a lot, but I don´t know how to explain in Czech, so in English it´s harder :-) When I was in first year I wasn´t content with our English teacher. Lessons were sometimes boring and I think I didn´t learn a lot. When I was in the second year, You started to teach us. I remember when I firstly heard about new English teacher I was really excited. "Wow, my English lessons will be lead by an American teacher, it will be great!!" I was really looking forward to our first lesson. And it wasn´t great, it was WONDERFUL!!!!!! And not just the first one, but all lessons during that three years. It´s true that sometimes I was a little bit tired, especially in Friday when we had two lessons and I wasn´t so active. But You always suprised us when You said: "Let´s relax, watch some movie, it´s Friday"... I was so grateful to You!

Your lessons were fun for me. I am very interested in American culture, much more that in the British, so I liked listening You teaching us about NY, American festivals or parades. I really loved it. Also vocabulary was a horror for me in the past, but I liked when You taught me that. I remember the words like "5-o´clock shadow"-I told about this word to all members of my family, I didn´t know that before :-)

Now, after three years with You, I can say that You really taught me a lot of English language. Especially to understand. Now I can watch some TV program inenglish and I know almost all of the words!!! I am so excited!!! I would like to thank You so much for it, because I believe that the good knowing of foreign language is much more important that anything else. I will be really glad when we will be in touch. I will never forget You and Your awsome lessons....

Well, now I have to return to studing, I´m SO afraid of Monday morning when my leaving exam is happening. I hope I won´t disappoint You......Thank You so much

Enjoy all moments of Your life
Veronika Vaňousová"

Now, who said teaching was a thankless job? When I read this email I thought, "I have had my own leaving exam as their teacher and I have passed." Praise God for the ways he grows us all and the moments when we can see that he is touching others through us.

Letter to my Graduating Seniors

May 9, 2006

Dear 4D,

It's hard for me to believe that I won’t be having any more lessons with you after what feels like such a long time. I walked away from our last class feeling a heaviness in my heart and wishing that I could have said more…communicated better what a privilege and blessing it has been for me to spend this time with you over the last three years.

So, if you'll let me take another five minutes of your time during your crazy study week, I would like to add a few more thoughts to what I've already said. I've always been a person who feels like I communicate myself better through writing than speaking. It was a busy time in our last lesson and, truthfully, I felt a little bit shy. So, here is my second chance…

First, I want you to know that I really meant everything I said to you in the little notes that I wrote. Each one of you has a special place in my heart and it was a joy for me to tell you more personally what I love and will miss about you. I hope others in your life also share with you their praise and thanks, but even if they don't, I wanted you to have it at least from me.

You are a special group of young people and it has been so much fun for me to get to know you better. I remember the first time I met you—a quiet but enthusiastic group who would be "all mine," unlike most of the groups I taught whom I saw only once a week. It felt like a big responsibility and I was afraid I might not give you everything you needed. In fact, my first year of teaching was a pretty scary time for me! You made it worthwhile and you helped me to feel welcome and appreciated at the school. Thank you for that.

I have fun memories of some of the skits you acted for me, the funny stories you wrote, our joint frustration over confusing grammar (you did okay in the end!), your creativity, your smiles, your laughter… If you ask my husband, he'll tell you how fondly I have always spoken of my time with your class. I will never forget you.

When I think about you graduating and moving on, there are so many things I want to tell you. Most of all, I encourage you to live in and enjoy the present moment and not worry too much about the future. Be honest, faithful, and real in love and know that mutual commitment with someone for a lifetime is a special gift that gives back to you more than you give.(It's also a lot of hard work, but worth every bit!) Don't worry about pleasing people—do what you know is right. But also truly listen to the important people in your life, with an open heart and open mind. Have a heart of compassion for others and be patient and slow to judge people. Be sensitive to your inner heart and don't ignore the breath of God inside you. Whether you believe it or not, I know God's deep love for each one of you. I hope some day you will know it too.

I will miss you, but I will continue to pray for each of you, as I have for the last three years.

Many blessings,
Jenny Thomas

June Baby... Maybe?

Today we met with the Magistrate--the top official who heads the adoption system in Prague--and got some new, surprising info.

The short version is: we may meet and bring our daughter home as soon as early June.

For anyone who is interested in the details, here's the scoop. Because we've finished with the adoption training, there are no more hoops to jump through. Today the Magistrate asked us some final questions about what kind of child we are hoping for. Our answer

• a girl
• no older than 1 year, but preferably younger than 6 months (2 months is the minimum adoptable age for babies because they have to have no contact from the mother for 6 weeks before they are available)
• Roma or other minority ethnicity (could be Roma, Vietnamese, Africa/Czech or some combination thereof...)
• no major, non-correctable health problems

These parameters will be entered into their database and we will be matched with available babies. Almost everyone we've talked to has said that once they were in the database, they had a call to come meet their baby within weeks. We've told the Magistrate that we won't be ready before June 1st, because both of us have teaching committments to that time. I actually am contracted to teach through the end of June, but June is a less important month than May, so if I have to take maternity leave, it's probably okay in June.

So, the next steps are to talk to my school and give them the heads up, buy some last minute baby supplies so we'll be ready (although we have a lot, we still need some items like a high chair, diapers, formula etc.), and check with the Baptist Seminary about when will make sense to move on campus.

One surprising thing was that the Magistrate didn't seem overly worried about checking that we have a new valid visa for the coming school year. We are hoping that will prove not to be an issue and that we can get the baby while the visa is still in process. That would be a huge answer to prayer because we have been very worried that the visa would hold everything up.

How are we feeling about all this?, you might ask.... I think we're still a little bit shocked. I've lost the sense of imminent reality about it which I had about a month ago when I was feeling terribly ready to "just get started already!" The visa setbacks discouraged me quite a bit and I think I shut down the part of myself that was feeling ready, or rather put it on hold for a while. So now I'm going to have to build up that sense again in the next month or so. I think that will be plenty of time.

Matt seems excited--in his slightly muted, Matt way. He's more patient with all the changes and uncertainty than I am. We were both pleased today to learn that we will be able to visit the baby home in the next few weeks to see what it's like. He's especially looking forward to that and I think it will make it more real to him.

Well, that's our latest. Feel free to email or call (or post comments here) for more details. We love hearing from you guys!

We're all trained up--evidently

So, on Wednesday (the 19th of April), we attended our first and evidently last training session for the adoption. This type of training has become a common requirement for adoptions worldwide, which is a good step because there are a lot of things that adoptive parents need help being prepared for. For example:

• potential developmental delays that kids who have lived in institutional care often have
• tips about the process of attaching in a relationship with a child who was not born to you
• building trust and helping children adapt to a new environment
• how to deal with the grief and loss that children (and parents) experience in adoption in healthy ways
• honoring your child's history and cultural background, instilling a health sense of identity
• and lots more things that are good to think about it advance

In March and April, we took an online course about these and other topics, which was produced by the state of Illinois. It was really helpful and we hoped the Czech authorities would accept it in place of having to attend the Czech training sessions.

On Wednesday we went to the first Czech training session, just to cover our bases. We were able to talk with the Magistrate--the woman in charge of our case--and show her our certificate from the online course. She said it would be fine and all we need to do is come in and meet with her for about an hour to go over some additional details.

We were excited to hear this news because it potentially puts us closer to "B-Day" (being "Baby Day.") Things are still a little up in the air, but this is a good step.

How to be praying:

• for this one hour meeting with the Magistrate, that we'll get a clearer sense of what comes next and what to expect in terms of timing of being matched to a child
• for wisdom about timing (because we will be moving to a new flat at the end of June, around the time of my sister's wedding in California, we aren't sure if the baby might come before that or not--it could be tricky, but we'd love to meet the baby as soon as possible)
• for our first meeting with our child and for God's grace in the process of attachment and coming to love and trust each other
• for the American immigration process she'll have to go through (all the paperwork to make her a citizen and help her be able to move back with us when the time comes)
• for peace as we wait and attention to the things we're still involved in (teaching, relationships, etc.), to stay focused on "the now"

Some useful info from a bureaucrat? Wow!

Some good news, at last! Well, at least useful news.

This morning my colleague was able to help us speak with the Magistrate's office and we learned that we can definitely go to California for my sister's wedding because we won't be able to meet the baby until after our adoption training course is finished (which will probably be at least 3-4 more months, meaning August or September at the earliest.)

We had wondered if they might wait till the course was over to call us, since all the Czech applicants who are at our stage in the process will have to complete the course, so our file is probably in the batch with them. The latest we had heard is that we might not have to do the Czech training course (we're taking one online in English from an American adoption agency), but we'll have to go to the first session on April 19th to find out more details because we haven't been able to get a straight answer.

At this point, even if we have to take the course in Czech (with a translator), or don't have to go to every session but have to wait until it's over, that will be okay with me. The disadvantages of that new reality:

• We don't get to meet our baby as soon (it might not be till August or later)
• We might have to pay a translator for 10 sessions

However, the advantages are actually pretty cool:

• I had already reconciled myself to August or later because it looks like our new visas won't be ready till then anyway
• This means we can go to Sarah's wedding without any worries
• We can also spend several weeks in California, seeing friends and family, meeting the new ESI teachers at training (for the first week), and stocking up on some things for next year

So, overall, this is good news. And from a bureaucrat, no less! :-)

By the way... The photo in the post has absolutely nothing to do with the adoption, but it is from a recent trip we took together for our church retreat in the interesting town of Kutna Hora.

Pressed down, but not destroyed...

In the last few days, we've had some discouraging news and I've been feeling a mix of sadness, frustration, and confusion.

On Monday, we learned that the process of applying for a new visa to be in the Czech Republic next year is going to take longer than we thought. We need a new visa because I will no longer be teaching at the Czech high school, since we will be living and both working at the Baptist Seminary.

The implication of this news is that, while we hoped we might get to meet and bring our baby home (to our Czech flat--not yet to the States) as early as June, it will now more likely be August or even later.

At first, I was terribly sad about this because I have been feeling SO ready and longing to meet the baby and get started! The last few days we've been scrambling, trying to find any other way to make it happen faster. However, it seems like we probably just have to accept this as the new reality.

Why does this feel like such a loss to me? Well, part of it is that it's frustrating and hard not to have a "due date" for this baby, like most women have. We can't plan easily. Additionally, we realized recently that it has now been more than 9 months since we decided to adopt--so we're feeling a sort of natural sense of "Where is this baby!?" Additionally, things seemed so positive at our last adoption interview and it really seemed likely that we would have her by June. I had so hoped to have the summer to get to know her and begin the process of attachment (which is harder in adoption than for children born to parents) before we will be starting new jobs.

Yesterday I hit a point of discouragement and anger, especially with Czech bureaucracy, where I just wanted to yell at God, "What are you doing?!? Where are you?!?" This was God's answer:

"I love you and I know what you need. Trust me to take care of these things and to bring this together in my perfect timing. In the meantime, just do the next right thing. Get the papers together and work as a team in doing it (you and Matt). Use this time to grow together. I am making you more ready. While you wait, keep your heart in the here-and-now. There are still things that I want to do in your relationships with your students, colleagues and Czech friends. Be listening for my Spirit's prompting. The fruit is ripe. I'm also working on you to bring deeper healing to some areas of your heart and spirit before you become a mom. The time will come. It's coming soon. You don't need to rush. I am taking care of it."

God continues to minister to me with this profound, healing word of grace that pierces through to my heart and reminds me that He knows me and what I need better than I do. And I needed to hear again that God wants to spread that grace to others around me through faithful relationships with them. This morning I read:

"We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...
...It is written: 'I believed; therefore I have spoken.' Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak... All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God...Therefore, we do not lose heart."

~from 2 Corinthians 4:7-17

God, I won't lose heart. Let your grace reach more and more people through me.

Things to pray about:
1. That God would work out the adoption timing in his perfect time.
2. That we would have wisdom as we buy plane tickets to go to my sister's wedding on July 1st (how long to stay in California before returning to Prague? should we stay long enough to be at ESI training to meet the new teachers or should we come back sooner?)
3. Ministry opportunities in these last few months with my students and colleagues, ongoing relationships with them.
4. Our financial needs for the coming year (we will be on full-time missionary support next year, which is a little bit scary, but also good because it will free us up to be 100% devoted to the work at the Seminary and to bonding with our new baby and helping her get adjusted to life in a new family/culture/language etc.)
5. We are hoping to gather some more frequent flyer miles from Lufthansa or United Air to help us bring the baby and ourselves home at the end of the next school year. Please pray that God will help us get those miles somehow.

The Power of Naming

Recently, a good friend of mine was reflecting on the power of naming things in our lives. It came up as she was thinking about giving a name to the past year and the present one.

So, I thought I would give that a try.

In fact, it took me quite a while to come up with something, but I'm pleased with what I ultimately decided on. These names are an attempt to capture my sense of what God's been trying to teach me and do in my heart and life of late.

Without further ado...

2005 was "The Year of Grace"

It was one of the hardest years yet for me, with the return of depression and the new challenge of panic attacks and anxiety, lots of work to do for my Masters degree, struggles to grow in friendship being far away from my "home" community, dealing with my fears and insecurities as a developing teacher... However, God met me in a powerful way last year and taught me very concretely about grace. What a lesson!

One image, shared by a friend who was praying for me one day during a very hard time, will always stick with me about 2005: My friend envisioned me floating in a little row boat in the middle of the ocean, rowing and rowing to get back to a shore I couldn't even see. The word of grace, "Stop rowing! Rest in the boat. God is sending a ship of grace your way."

2006 feels like it will be "The Year of Releasing"

I'm not exactly sure what that means yet or what it will look like, but I sense that God is releasing me "from" and "to" many things. Some concrete ideas... freedom from inordinate attachment to things and routines, release from the stress and pressure I've felt the last few years of working and being in school at the same time, freedom from resentment toward others (the power of forgiveness!), freedom to fully step into the role of mom (something I've been longing for), freedom to trust God fully and not have to make things happen myself, freedom to share my faith and the lessons God's teaching me even more in relationships with people here in Prague...

I feel blessed by God and it's with a grateful heart that I want to proclaim these names--ready for God to teach me even more in the coming years!

What about you???

Nesting

In the last few months, we've been preparing for becoming new parents in lots of ways:

• praying together every night for our baby
• taking adoptiong training courses online
• reading lots of books Raising Adopted Children,
• Talking with Young Children About Adoption,
• Attaching in Adoption,
• Your Baby's First Year and more.
• spending more time with kids at our church (we've been volunteering in the nursery once a month)

In addition to all this, we've been gradually collecting all the "stuff" that is needed to take care of a little one. All of this comes together, to me, under the umbrella term "nesting." It's that loving, home-making, emotional and physical and spiritual process of preparing to nurture a tiny life who will soon be 100% in our care.

Nesting is an important concept in the adoption literature because it can be hard for some adoptive parents to nest, for fear that the baby they're hoping for might never come. We're fortunate in that respect because, the way the Czech system works, there isn't really any chance at this point that we won't be given a child. Since we're not linked up with a specific birth mother in advance, we don't have to worry about getting our hopes up. So nesting is free to be a joyful and anticipatory process through which we slowly but surely build towards this monumental event.

It helps to have a job to do while we're waiting!

One of the most fun things lately has been searching (over several weeks) for the perfect stroller. We've gone to at least 5 different baby stores around Prague on several occasions, searching and searching for the right one--and we finally found it! Our conditions:

• lightweight and easy to pick up (to get on and off of trams!)
• sturdy (these things aren't cheap, so it's important that it last)
• needed to have one of those little aprons for keeping the baby warm in cold winters, these are called "cosytoes" :-)
• needed to include a rain cover
• not a "baby hummer" (as our friend, Matt Smith, calls the giant, unwieldy prams that some moms lug around Prague)
• affordable

The one we ultimately settled on (there really wasn't any contest, actually) is by Chicco, the Ponee XS. We decided to go ahead and get it now largely because we really like it and you never know when things will go out of stock (in actuality, this is more my philosophy than Matt's, but he got on board after we talked it through), and we also don't know when the baby might show up (we don't want to have to scramble at the last minute and be rushed to pull everything together). So, we've been having fun for the last 24 hours trying out all its different configurations and pushing it around the flat.

Lamby, our stuffed lamb and stand-in baby for the time being, seems to approve.

On completing one of life's major milestones and not feeling much different...

Yesterday I received a special email letting me know that my final paper for my Masters degree has been passed with flying colors.

You would think that finishing something like this--the Masters degree I've been sweating and stressing over for two and a half years--would feel like a great release and a huge accomplishment. Yet, I don't feel much different.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my class walked together in our graduation ceremony last summer, about 6 months before our final paper was due. I think I actually felt more celebratory then than now, which makes sense because the whole experience of wearing cap and gown, being hooded, walking across the stage, hearing speeches from fellow students and much-loved professors, and simply being together as a cohort in that special moment all works together to send my mind and heart and spirit the message that something momentus has indeed occured.

Lately, I feel a more subtle sense of change. I'm finished with my masters degree and Matt has all but finished his PhD (he sent off all the revisions today and now just waits for the degree itself.) In a sense, we've arrived at something, but it's really more like we've come to a place where God's giving us new directions toward a new destination.

Why is it that every ending, like these, seems to be more about change than about finishing?

I'm not upset about this. It's come to be normal to me. I grieve a bit about the changes (no more winter weeks in Thailand with my APU classmates, I'm even a bit nostalgic for paper-writing and sitting in class having stimulating discussions--I was always a school nerd!). But overall, I've just come to accept that life is always a series of lessons and we don't get to stay in any one season past the fullness of its time.

So, now we head into a new time of our lives. Matt will be more fully involved in the vocation to which he sensed God's call so many years ago and toward which he's been working all this time through his studies. I'll be taking a little break from teaching (though I'm sure I'll be back!) to explore the joys of motherhood. We'll be moving, hopefully, into a new community at the Baptist Seminary and our lives will be more closely intertwined with other believers in a setting in which we're all pursuing God together.

But before we rush into something new, I want to take a moment to pause and say, "Go me! I did something really big and it's worth acknowledging before I move on."

Where are you, Baby?

Ever since we had our surprisingly pleasant and encouraging pscyhological evaluation (http://www.thomasfamilyweb.net/AdoptionJournal.htm) on March 7th, I have been wondering if this whole adoption thing is going to happen a lot faster than we had been exepcting!

It's wild and wonderful to know that there is a little person out there, probably already born, who will be joining our family forever in a matter of months.

Lots of questions are floating around in my head right now:
*what does she look like?
*what name has she been given?
*will she think we're strange at first because we smell and talk and look and act like foreigners?
*what will it be like to meet her for the first time? will she be afraid of us or will she sense our love and good intentions toward her?
*how long will it take to really bond and feel like a family?

The weird thing about adoption is that you are every bit as expectant as someone who is pregnant, but you can't pinpoint exactly where you are in the journey toward knowing this little one who's coming. Of course, even when you're pregnant you sometimes don't have that certainty, as I'm discovering walking alongside my friend Amy through her pregnancy here in the Czech Republic. Surprisingly, the doctors still aren't exactly sure how far along she is, and she's somewhere in the second trimester!

So, I guess there are really no certainties in the process of becoming a parent, and maybe it's better that way. As it is, we have no choice but to lean fully on our Heavenly Parent who delights in walking this road with us and watching us become more the people he knows we can be.

Do all humans have value?

Today I had a major breakthrough with the students in my literature class over, of all things, a book about an Orthodox Jewish boy who discovers he has a gift for art, something which his family and community can never fully accept or even understand.

My Name is Asher Lev has been one of my favorite books since my college advisor and mentor, Dr. Shirley Mullen, invited us to read it in a World History course. In the story, the young Asher wrestles with the darkness and evil he sees in the world (embodied in his youth in the character of Stalin.)

For the first time this year, I was amazed to hear that my students were *entralled* with the book. A few minutes into our discussion, Jaroslav (or "Ruben" as we call him...don't ask), gets a serious look on his face.

"I'd like to ask you a question which I asked our teacher last year."

"OK. Shoot."

"Do you think all people are valuable? For example, do you think a good person has the same value as someone like Stalin or Hilter, or can you compare a hardworking man with a homeless man?"

Six pairs of eyes are intent on me. What will this strange Christian foreign answer to that one? They wait, these budding individuals raised in a society where homelessness is a joke and a loving God a myth...

I smile softly, my heart racing a little, aware of the magnitude of the question.

"Yes."

A barely perceptible collective intake of breath. Did she really say that? How could she say that?

I continue... "I do. I believe that every life one of us is precious and valuable, just because of who we are, not because of what we do or don't do."

Jara, "Really???"

"Yes. Certainly there are some people who make very poor choices and, in the process, harm themselves and others. Of course that is very serious and I do think there are consequences for our actions. People like Hitler and Stalin may deserve severe punishment for the ways that they've hurt people, but in their core, they are still valuable. We all are because we are loved by God."

Some mumbling, some discussion, some disagreement. Then...

Petra..."I agree with you. It's beautiful what you said. Because there is something valuable in each of us."

It's not the time yet to tell you all the intricacies of why I believe this, but this is a tangible sign of the door opening...just a crack. We're headed toward some interesting territory later in this book. Asher, the Jewish prodigy, will wrestle with the image of the crucifixion, explaining to his parents that he is drawn to it because it is the only image in the art museum that captures "that expression." A God who suffers and dies for love of the ones he values more than life itself.

God, help me communicate the depth of their value to You in words that they can hear on a heart level.

The Joy of Polish Pottery

On my recent spring break (mid-Feb. 2006), I discovered the joy of Polish pottery.

Evidently, Polish pottery is one of Poland's best kept secrets--at least from the Polish people who seem to be completely oblivious to its existence and wild popularity outside of Polish borders.

I only became aware of the stuff here in the Czech Republic after expressing my profound admiration of a church friend's hand-decorated ceramic deviled-egg plate, which I had tried in vain to locate somewhere in Prague. Alas, she informed me, it would be necessary to make the journey to Poland to have such a thing for myself.

So, off to Poland we went. Well, it wasn't quite that simple, but ultimately Matt and I ended up in the Polish town of Wraclaw, sitting in an internet cafe copying down train times and directions to the tiny village of Boleslawiec--the Mecca of Polish pottery. By noon the following day, with a combination of Polish, Czech, English, German, and good old body language, we had managed to buy two round trip train tickets to Bolelawiec, find and board the train, buy ourselves a map of the town, and make our way by foot to four different Polish pottery outlets spread across town.

Evidently, this means of visiting Boleslawiec is fairly unusual. Following on the heels of a tour bus full of American army wives based in Germany, we finally reached the check out counter at the Manufaktura store. The woman selling us our pottery was literally dumbfounded to learn that we had *walked* to the factory from the train station and were asking for directions to the nearest bus stop to make our way back. "Well, you know..." we thought to ourselves, "a few years braving public transportation in Europe and we can handle just about anything. No cars or tour buses for us, no sir!"

In actuality, I would have loved to have a car, had it been possible and affordable, because our purchases were limited to the amount that we could carry between us on the several mile long trek back to the train station and on the train itself. However, in the end, we came home with:

*a squatty tea pot with a warming base (you can put a tea candle inside to keep the tea warm)

*two delived-egg plates

*a tiny ceramic bell (which I'll use as a Christmas ornament)

*and a child's tea set in the same pattern as the big pot (after all, we have asked for a little girl...)

Though I am a relatively recent "convert" to Polish pottery, I have to say I have fallen and fallen hard. So, in case anybody else feels like getting some of this fabulous stuff for themselves, here are a few good links I have found to get you started. Of course, if I head back to Boleslawiec some time, I just might be able to pick you up something in person!

A most helpful site if you actually want to *go* to Poland to buy the pottery. Also a lot of useful and interesting information about how it is made, quality etc. : http://slowtrav.com/eastern_europe/poland_pottery.htm

History of the town of Boleslawiec http://www.panorama-miast.com.pl/34/html/boleslawiec.htm

Info about the annual Polish Pottery festival in Boleslawiec http://www.polishpottery-online.com/andy_ceramics/en/whats.htm

Read more about Polish Pottery, especially from the Manufaktura company (the place where we bought most of our pieces): http://www.polish-goods.pl/aboutpottery.php

Polish pottery factory tour: http://munnwerks.com/pottery/facttour.htm

I love Russian art!

I know it's a rather strange way to start my first blog entry ever, but I happened yesterday to find the website of a very cool Russian art musuem that my grandma (pictured left with my aunts, Jody and Lisa, and my uncle, Bruce) took me to visit in Minnesota.

My favorite thing in the exhibition was a fantastic painting called "Milkmaids." Since it would be illegal to copy it here, I'll simply encourage you to follow this link for a moment (come back, though!) To me, the painting captures the joy in the midst of mundane things that human beings are capable of, especially when we're in community together.

There were lots of other great paintings at the museum, so I'm including the link so that you can check out the rest of them too.

http://www.tmora.org/ (The Russian Museum of Art)

Aren't you feeling more cultured already?