Pressed down, but not destroyed...

In the last few days, we've had some discouraging news and I've been feeling a mix of sadness, frustration, and confusion.

On Monday, we learned that the process of applying for a new visa to be in the Czech Republic next year is going to take longer than we thought. We need a new visa because I will no longer be teaching at the Czech high school, since we will be living and both working at the Baptist Seminary.

The implication of this news is that, while we hoped we might get to meet and bring our baby home (to our Czech flat--not yet to the States) as early as June, it will now more likely be August or even later.

At first, I was terribly sad about this because I have been feeling SO ready and longing to meet the baby and get started! The last few days we've been scrambling, trying to find any other way to make it happen faster. However, it seems like we probably just have to accept this as the new reality.

Why does this feel like such a loss to me? Well, part of it is that it's frustrating and hard not to have a "due date" for this baby, like most women have. We can't plan easily. Additionally, we realized recently that it has now been more than 9 months since we decided to adopt--so we're feeling a sort of natural sense of "Where is this baby!?" Additionally, things seemed so positive at our last adoption interview and it really seemed likely that we would have her by June. I had so hoped to have the summer to get to know her and begin the process of attachment (which is harder in adoption than for children born to parents) before we will be starting new jobs.

Yesterday I hit a point of discouragement and anger, especially with Czech bureaucracy, where I just wanted to yell at God, "What are you doing?!? Where are you?!?" This was God's answer:

"I love you and I know what you need. Trust me to take care of these things and to bring this together in my perfect timing. In the meantime, just do the next right thing. Get the papers together and work as a team in doing it (you and Matt). Use this time to grow together. I am making you more ready. While you wait, keep your heart in the here-and-now. There are still things that I want to do in your relationships with your students, colleagues and Czech friends. Be listening for my Spirit's prompting. The fruit is ripe. I'm also working on you to bring deeper healing to some areas of your heart and spirit before you become a mom. The time will come. It's coming soon. You don't need to rush. I am taking care of it."

God continues to minister to me with this profound, healing word of grace that pierces through to my heart and reminds me that He knows me and what I need better than I do. And I needed to hear again that God wants to spread that grace to others around me through faithful relationships with them. This morning I read:

"We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...
...It is written: 'I believed; therefore I have spoken.' Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak... All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God...Therefore, we do not lose heart."

~from 2 Corinthians 4:7-17

God, I won't lose heart. Let your grace reach more and more people through me.

Things to pray about:
1. That God would work out the adoption timing in his perfect time.
2. That we would have wisdom as we buy plane tickets to go to my sister's wedding on July 1st (how long to stay in California before returning to Prague? should we stay long enough to be at ESI training to meet the new teachers or should we come back sooner?)
3. Ministry opportunities in these last few months with my students and colleagues, ongoing relationships with them.
4. Our financial needs for the coming year (we will be on full-time missionary support next year, which is a little bit scary, but also good because it will free us up to be 100% devoted to the work at the Seminary and to bonding with our new baby and helping her get adjusted to life in a new family/culture/language etc.)
5. We are hoping to gather some more frequent flyer miles from Lufthansa or United Air to help us bring the baby and ourselves home at the end of the next school year. Please pray that God will help us get those miles somehow.