Shift in perspective

A lot of people have been asking lately, "So, how are things going with the adoption?"

The short answer is that things are going "slowly".

When our translator called the Ministry of Social Affairs (the agency that has chare of Anna) on Monday, she spoke to someone else who explained that Mrs. Tobichikova is still on vacation (there isn't great communication between the Magistrate, who told us to call her Monday, and the Ministry of Social Affairs, we are learning) but that they would be happy to meet with us and answer our questions next week on Tuesday (the 22nd of August). In the meantime, the Ministry is going to send out a psychologist to evaluate Anna and make some recommendations (I assume about her readiness to be in a family setting rather than an institution).

The hard thing is that the Ministry, as is typical of all bureacracies, can't make a decision quickly; however, they did say that they will have a big department meeting on Sept. 5th (they have these regularly) and that should be when they decide for sure whether we can adopt her. On a certain level, we're holding loosely to that date because a lot of what we have been told thus far in terms of timing has proved to not be the case when the day rolls around.

The good news in all of this is that they haven't said "no" and they still seem generally positive toward the idea, though cautious about making any promises. We have continued to receive "maybe"s all the way, which is hard but leaves room for hope and trust that if God is in this, it will work out. My visa not being in yet is also a major problem as far as things moving ahead, so this actually gives us a little extra time for the visa to arrive before it is urgently needed.

Last night we were talking with a friend who, along with his wife, has adopted two children. They had 7 potential adoptions fall through (back in Canada) before one was completed. Our conversation reminded me that we have to think about this in a different way:

The ultimate goal is adoption of a baby whom God knows will be a perfect match for our family. Although we have come to love Anna and she would be our first choice, if for some reason God knows that someone else would be better for us (or us for her), then we can trust that this door closing will mean that God, in His wisdom, was guiding us to a different child. If God wants us to have Anna, then no earthly power--even bureaucracy--can stand in the way!

It helped me to think of that way, even though I would feel deeply sad if we are not able to adopt Anna. God is really trustworthy and I am already praying for protection from despair or depression if we hear some hard news in the future. The end of this story will be a wonderful child whom we have the privilege of loving forever.

So, thanks again for your prayers. Please do continue to lift up Mrs. Tobichikova at the Ministry of Social Affairs, who will be hearing about all this next week for the first time, and also pray for the psychologist's time with Anna (especially her conversations with the caretakers, who are very favorable toward us), and for our meeting with the Ministry which will hopefully happen next week to ask questions and give them the chance to see our hearts for Anna.

Please also pray for protection from depression or despair. As you may know, I struggle with seasonal depression, connected with the dark weather in the winter. The last few days have been cloudy and grey, and when the weather is like that, it becomes harder for me to keep a positive outlook. But God has been faithful and I feel like He--because of everyone's prayers--is carrying us through this time.

Visits

Now that I have finally updated everyone about the legal side of what's happening, I would like to share more about the human side... :-)

When we first met Anna and decided that we wanted to adopt her, we were told that it was okay for us to visit her at the orphanage to begin getting to know her. (This is part of what gives us hope that things are going to work out because they were initially unsure and then said it would be okay to visit.)

Since we're still not 100% sure if they will allow us to adopt Anna, we haven't been visiting every day or taking advantage yet of the opportunity to stay overnight with her in the adoptive family flats (apartments) that they have at the orphanage, but we have been going about 3 times per week to play with her, get to know her environment and routine, and help her become more comfortable with us.

You may be wondering if this is wise, given that it might not be possible to adopt her. Well, here is the reasoning behind our decision. To begin, when we first were told we could visit her, we were also told that there was a good chance we would be able to take her home about a week later (things have changed a bit since then, for various reasons...) So, our initial thinking was that we should take advantage of that time for us and for her to become more comfortable with each other before we spent some intensive time together and brought her home.

Once we were told that things were going to be more complicated and would take longer, we debated whether to keep visiting. Through lots of prayer and discussion, we realized that pretty much from the moment we decided to adopt her, the day after we met her, our hearts were already "hooked". So, if they said "no" in the end, we would grieve whether or not we visited her in the meantime. Additionally, from Anna's perspective, there is a volunteer who comes regularly to spend time with her, so we thought we could sort of think of ourselves as in the same category as that volunteer: caring people who come to see her on a regular basis.

Visiting has been a blessing for us and, we hope, for Anna too. The first time we came, she seemed to sense the high expectations in the room (the caretakers were coaxing her to come to us) and it was all a little overwhelming. She cried for the first 10 minutes or so and was clingy to the caretaker, but then she began warming up to us as we took it slowly. We were able to take her out for a trip around the grounds in her stroller and by the end of the afternoon, she was happily playing with us and even cried when we went home.

As a sidenote, the uncertainty and shyness that Anna felt towards us the first time is actually a very developmentally-appropriate and healthy sign. If she didn't distinguish between known, safe people and strangers, that would be something to be concerned about because it would mean that she doesn't have a strong attachment to her caretakers. So, the fact that she took some time to warm up bodes well for her ability to attach to us securely as her parents in the future.

On each subsequent visit, Anna cried a little less until by the third or fourth time, she greeted us with a delighted smile of recognition. She has warmed up to us beautifully and seems to soak up the one-on-one attention she gets when we are around (that is a big part of why the orphanage encourages special volunteers for each of the children.) The orphanage workers have let us be involved in feeding her dinner (which she LOVES! she is big into eating... :-), giving her a bath (another highlight of her day), and putting her to bed at night (which means about 6pm :-).

Anna has a precious, sweet disposition and in not easily phased by the dynamics of living with 4 other toddlers who often grab and push. We've been amused several times to watch her mimic the caretakers and wag her tiny finger at the other babies saying "Ti, ti, ti!" (the equivalent of "You naughty child!") But then she smiles and goes on with her playing.

One fun thing is that she is just on the verge of walking on her own. She can toddle around the room while holding on to furniture and wobbles about with an adult finger to support her. If I sit on the ground and hold out my arms to her, she will let go of the furniture and rush whole-heartedly into my arms (taking a few wobbly steps on her own on the way) with a sweet grunt of delight. :-) It's one of her favorite games and she will do it again and again.

The other day I was able to spend some time visiting on my own (while Matt got some work done.) This was a special time because the dynamic was quite different. Not only was it just me with Anna, but the caretaker took the other four kids from Anna's group to another room to watch a tv show and let us spend some time just the two of us. It was fascinating to see how different she was without the wild atmosphere of lots of kids around. She was a lot more calm and willing to sit on my lap, be held as we walked around the room, and just be quiet together and take each other in. I really enjoyed that time and was touched by how much these kids seem to long for special attention.

Matt put it well as we reflected on that time... It's as though these kids live in perpetual day care. Even though its generally a very good day care (except for the food they feed them.. i.e. jelly donuts for dinner!), it's still not a family where each kid gets extensive one-on-one attention. We wish we could help ALL of these kids find homes! But most of all, we hope that we can provide a lovingly family for Anna. We are falling in love with her--plain and simple--and we just long for the news that she can be ours forever.

Waiting and trusting

First, my apologies that it has been a while since I last wrote. We have been in work mode this week, trying to bank up some hours at the seminary so that if we have to work a little less around the time the baby comes home we'll have a good foundation of work done in advance. (At the moment, work is mostly editing articles and a book that the seminary hopes to publish this year, plus getting our offices set up and beginning to plan lessons for the English program, which begins in early September.)

So, what is happening with the baby?

The short answer: We are still waiting for a 100% yes from the state to say that we can adopt Anna. We are hoping and praying hard that that answer will come early next week. Last Tuesday, our translator (Mirka) called the Magistrate and was able to speak with Mrs. Hessova--the head hauncho as far as our case goes. She was just back from vacation and getting all the news of what had been happening while she was gone. This was the woman we had been told we would have to convince that our adopting Anna was the best scenario. She seemed to still be trying to get her head around it (Anna is older than what we had told them we wanted and has Turner's Syndrome, which seems to baffle them because most Czech families are not interested in adopting babies with health conditions like hers. Also, we had said that we wanted a generally healthy baby--because were envisioning emergency or dangerous conditions like AIDS, severe drug addiction etc.)

Anyway, in the end she agreed to forward our file on to the Ministry (of Social Affairs? we think...) which has direct authority over Anna's case because Anna had been moved to the status of being available for international adoption. What we have been told (though things change frequently...) is that if Mrs. Tobichikova at the Ministry agrees that we are suitable parents for Anna, Anna will be moved back to domestic adoption status--in other words, the responsibility for her will be returned to Mrs. Hessova at the Magistrate. This is good because it means we can adopt her through the original process we have been working through (as legal Czech residents.)

One urgent prayer request in the meantime is this:

• I (Jenny) need to receive my visa/residency permit for this year in the VERY NEAR FUTURE because everything will be on hold in terms of brining her home if I don't have it in hand. Please pray that it comes through ASAP (like, Monday, August 13th, would be fantastic!) but any time soon would be great.
  
• Once the visa is ready, I will hop on a train for a quick day trip to Dresden, Germany, to pick it up (I love Dresden, so this is something I'm looking forward to... :-)

We are supposed to call Mrs. Tobichikova at the Ministry on Monday, at which point she should have had time to receive and look over our file. Please pray for that phone call and the in person meeting which we are hoping will ensue from it:

• Pray that if this is God's will, she will see our committment and love for Anna and want to do everything in her power to help Anna become part of our family.
• Pray that the visa will not be an issue in terms of things moving ahead in our being approved (we really should only need the visa in hand at the point that we take Anna home from the orphanage--pray that they don't make an issue of it before that point and can do the other paperwork that needs to happen in the meantime)
• Pray that we have patience and grace as we are waiting--please pray against frustration and despair and for God's deep peace

In the last week, we have been actively seeking God about this because it is a difficult time--the waiting, the uncertainty, the challenge of getting acurate information about what's happening. Although we know there is still a chance that the authorities will decide we are not the right parents for Anna or there is some legal barrier to us adopting her, we are waiting with faith on God in trust that if this is right (which we believe it is), He can bring it all together. Our sense from God has been that He is in this and is going to bring it about. We have felt a surprising and encouraging peace in the midst of this time--a truly supernatural gift from God!

Please join us in our prayer of faith that God is able to do even more than we could ever ask or imagine!

Holding Pattern

First, although I risk you not coming back here to actually read this update, I have to direct you to our recently-added online photo album of our first real visit with Anna. (You can always find pictures, news, etc. at our website: www.thomasfamilyweb.net.)

For the past week, we have had the pleasure and delight of visiting Anna several times to get to know her better. At the moment, the status of things is that we have been given permission to visit, but have not been given the final 100% yes about adopting her. As best we can tell (information is limited and received via translators), this is because there are one or maybe two(?) people who have direct responsibility over her case who are on vacation and won't be back until August 7th or 8th. So, we are waiting to talk with them and hopefully to convince them that joining our family is in her best interest. The normal process is that the adoption officials would find a child for us and present her to us, but the way it happened with Anna was a happy accident. We met her by chance while visiting the orphanage and fell in love immediately. So, we're ruffling a few feathers by taking this unusual route...

The bureaucratic hurdles and lack of complete certaintly have made it hard to simply enjoy our time together with her, yet we wait with trust in God's wisdom and power to bring about whatever He knows is best. We feel on a very deep level that this is right and are praying daily that God would bring everything together so that she can join our family forever. Despite the difficulties, we are finding moments of great joy because of the delightful little person that Anna is. This past week we have enjoyed:

• seeing her warm up to us (the first few times she cried when we arrived--a healthy sign because it shows she can distinguish between known and unknown people, some kids in orphanages exhibit "indiscriminate friendliness" which is actually a dangerous trait because it shows a lack of ability to attach to close caregivers above others)
• no tears today when we arrived--just a big smile, obvious pleasure at our presence, and cooes of recognition :-)
  
• taking her on walks around the grounds of the orphanage
• playing on the swing together and singing "Rain, Rain, Go Away..." (she started mimicking the tune and trying to sing along with us :-)
• watching her try to take her first wobbly steps
• the immense pleasure she gets out of eating dinner--which we have been feeding her (as part of helping her get more used to us taking care of her)
• learning her bath time routines (how many grown adults does it take to get footy pajamas on a baby? :-)
• her adorable gestures like great big laughing smiles, blowing kisses, nodding her head while saying, "Yo, yo, yo!" (something like, "Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh" in Czech), and scolding the other babies when they do something naughty (she mimicks the caretakers and shakes her finger at them :-)
• her precious intermittent thumb-sucking
  
• her beautiful, curly brown hair and pretty brown eyes
• the endearing raspiness of her little voice (the kids seem to pass colds around to each other constantly)

So, while we feel like we are in a holding pattern on the bureaucratic side of things, we feel very, very blessed to be spending time with her and pray that God will allow us the privilege of being her family forever.

Right now, there are some major things that need prayer:

• for my (Jenny's) visa to come through THIS WEEK--without it, everything is on hold because we need to have legal status in the Czech Republic to complete the adoption (praise God, Matt's visa came through back in late June--a real miracle!)
• for favor with a woman named Mrs. Hessova, whom we need to convince that our adopting Anna is the best thing for her and that we are ready to face her special medical needs
• for the meeting that we hope to have this week with Mrs. Hessova and whomever else will need to sign off on the adoption
• for peace and trust as we wait through the uncertainty (this is really hard...)
• for our time with Anna in the coming days and weeks, for growing trust, love, and tender hearts toward each other--that she would feel deeply loved and honored
  

Thank you everyone who has been praying and sending words of encouragement. We really feel it!

First Meeting Today

Today we are going for our first real meeting with Anna.

We are scheduled to meet our translator at the orphanage at 2 pm. She needs to be with us this time so that they can tell us about the protocol for spending time with the baby (they have ways of helping to aid the bonding process and also training us in her care.)

We are excited and nervous and already exhausted! It's been hard to sleep (especially for me) with everything that is going on.

Last night we had a fun little adventure. We borrowed a friend's car (our first time driving in Prague) and trekked out to Ikea and a Czech furniture store called Sconto (basically the Czech version of Ikea.) We bought a little rocking chair and a 3 drawer dresser, which will double as a changing table. It was fun because the Czech saleswoman at Sconto didn't speak any English, so we ended up communicating in broken German. :-) Not exactly part of my dream of how setting up our first baby room would come together...

Since we had the car, we also stopped at Tesco (huge, British mega store which we love) to buy groceries in bulk (definitely a first!) We have 24 boxes of milk in the cupboard now, which makes Matt tremendously happy. He's really into that kind of thing.

When we got home, Matt set up the rocking chair and we began with the dresser, but it was pretty complicated so we decided to wait unitl morning and try to borrow some tools from a friend (especially a power drill!) It was really fun to sit on the floor of the "Baby Office" and look around and realize "This is it!" This is the final push preparation that we have been building toward for so long. The circumstances are so different than what I ever would have though, yet it just feels beautifully right.

Praise God!

Baby Update

Well, the last few days have certainly been a roller coaster!

Here's a simplified update on what's happening:

• Because Anna had been made eligible for international adoption, the process is more complicated than we had initially thought.
• Since we have legal visa and residency status in the Czech Republic, they can move her back to domestic adoption status and allow us to adopt her, but this will take a little time and needs to be approved by a new person (from a different government ministry) who is currently out of town.
• We have a meeting with that woman on August 8th.
• In the meantime, we have been given the go-ahead to begin visiting her at the orphanage.
• We will be spending the afternoons (and perhaps evenings) this week over there, getting to know her and observing (and eventually participating in) her routine, in order to prepare us and her for the transition to our home.
• We may be able to bring her home as early as next week, although that may take longer.

At the moment, we're trying to find access to a vehicle so that we can use the time we have this weekend to buy some last few things we need for the baby room (a dresser, which will serve as a changing table, and a rocking chair.) We hope to get the room all set up this coming week.

We received a long-awaited package in the mail today of baby clothes that I ordered on ebay in mid-May. We thought it was a lost cause, but it's finally here and actually has a lot of little outfits that should work for her. So, we don't have as much of a need for older toddler baby clothes (which I had listed on our website.) That was a good thing. (I love all the tiny clothes! :-)

Well, enough updating for now. Please be praying for us. This has been an emotionally intense time (with less sleep than we would prefer!) and we're feeling pretty tired. But also deeply happy and hopeful. Praise God for this unexpected blessing!

Is it you, Little One?

Yesterday, on Matt's 36th birthday, we met a little girl whom we think just might be our daughter. :-)

We made our second visit to the baby orphanage in Prague on July 27, 2006. Not sure of what exactly we would do or find on that visit, we set up a time with our translator and the orphanage staff, mainly because the first time we came, it was late in the day and most of the babies were already sleeping. We arrived at 10 in the morning--a safe bet for finding them awake this time. :-)

On our previous visit, we had felt drawn to a little girl, Sara, who turned out to be unavailable for adoption because she is Slovak and needs to be returned to Slovakia. However, Sara touched our hearts and her age--15 months--led us to be a little bit more open than before to an older baby (we had been saying up to 6 months, maybe 1 year.)

This time, the orphanage staff informed us that there were really no small girls who were eligible for adoption, but they did have two older girls (about 2 years old.) We felt unsure, but agree to meet them and keep an open mind. We met the first little girl, Lenka, who was a precious 2 year old who lovingly cares for the smaller babies in her group (like a little "mommy.") Although our hearts went out to her, we didn't feel a peace about it.

After some more discussion, they brought us to meet another 2 year old--Monika. From the moment we walked in the room, it was as though Monika could sense that we were there to see her--and she didn't like it! Her body language was sending very strong signals of discomfort, even fear, and we quickly realized it didn't feel right to us either. However, there was another little one in the room who grabbed our attention immediately. Smiling and babbling in the high chair as her caretaker fed her vegetable soup, this darling little baby looked a bit younger than the other toddlers at the table. She was also one of the only ones in the room who made eye contact and even responded to our "ahoj" (hi!) greetings. She had real spunk and both of us felt a connection immediately. So, we decided to ask (assuming she must not be legally available or they would have mentioned her to us.)

To our amazement, we found out two very exciting things:

1. She was 100% available for adoption (even international adoption--which is rare for Czech kids because it means no suitable family could be found here in the Czech Republic)

2. Her name is Anna! (this is the name that we have been hoping since last summer to give to this baby :-)

Anna, who is 17 months old, has not been adopted for two main reasons. First, she is Roma, which means that most Czech families are not interested. (The Roma are a prominent minority in the Czech Republic who experience a great deal of prejudice and discrimination.) Second, she has something called Turner's Syndrome, a chromosomal condition which, while not as serious as many problems a child could have, requires parents who are committed to facing medical issues with her for the long haul. The orphanage workers had assumed we would not be interested because of these problems, however, we found ourselves drawn to her and surprisingly undaunted.

It was important to us to learn more about her condition and the prognosis before making any decision, so we sat down for a long talk with her doctor (who happens to be the mother of one of Jenny's former students, who was there that day too! Go figure!) and her social worker. Her life story is not easy, but we found nothing there that we felt unable to face, with God's grace.

So, after a lot of information gathering, we headed home to study more about Turner's Syndrome on the internet, call our families, and do a lot of praying. That's the phase we're still in as a write. We will have a meeting this morning with the Magistrate (hopefully) to talk more and there is a good chance that we will go back to the orphanage this weekend to spend more time with her--hopefully to bring her home some time next week, if everything goes well.

Please be praying for us during this time of major excitement, nerves, joy, lack of sleep, and the beginnings of bonding with this precious little person who we hope might be with us for the rest of our lives. As soon as possible, we will put up some photos on the website so that you all can get to know her a bit, too!

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Read more about our adoption story on our online adoption journal here.

Or find our new contact info and Baby Wish List (with an older baby, there are some different needs from what we had initially been preparing for) at the Keeping in Touch page of our website.

Unexpected Preparations

One of the most interesting things that I have been doing to get ready for this baby may come as a great surprise to many. I'm in the process of inducing lactation so that we can enjoy the bonding and health benefits of breastfeeding.

If this weirds you out, feel free to ignore the rest of this post (no offense taken...)

I learned about the possibility of adoptive breastfeeding last summer at the zenith of my "research-everything-about-adoption" phase. As I learned, women have been nursing babies not born to them (as wet nurses, in times of emergency, when a mother dies etc.) for milenia and its not actually so difficult.

What this has meant for me is taking some special medications and herbs which boost milk supply and pumping about 5 or 6 times per day. I am in email contact with a woman named Elizabeth Hormann, an International Board Certified Lactatioin Consultant, who happens to be a world-renowned expert on adoptive breastfeeding and relactation, and she referred me to a wonderful doctor here in Prague who is walking me through the process.

The coolest part of this all is that I can see it gradually working, and that helps me feel like I'm doing something very concrete to prepare for the baby coming. I'm finally making real milk and the milk supply just seems to grow each day. Yippee!!

So, why am I sharing this with you? During my recent trip to California, I realized that the whole topic of breastfeeding is a little bit taboo with many Americans. I guess this sadenned me because I think it is such an amazing gift from God to mothers and babies and I don't think it is anything we should feel weird talking about. I hope my sharing this will help get the word out to other adoptive moms that they can bless their babies in this special way. So, if you're reading this and you know any prospective moms out there: please, let them know!

Here are some great websites where people can find more information:

• www.adoptivebreastfeeding.com
• www.asklenore.com
• www.lact-aid.com
• www.lalecheleague.org

One of the things that I will need to carry me through this rather challenging journey is a lot of support and encouragement from friends who understand why I am doing this. So, if you feel like sharing a loving word of blessing for this process, don't be shy! :-)

Long time coming...

Okay, so not THE NEWS yet, but a lot has been happening that is worth telling about.

We are back in Prague and in our new flat, after what turned out to be 3+ weeks in California. This time involved:

• going to Sarah's wedding (my lovely sister--see photo above)
• sorting through a lot of our stuff at my parents' house and having a garage sale
• eating lots of Rubios burritos and fish tacos (and Taco Bell cruch wraps--guilty pleasure!)
• hanging out with wonderful friends
• a few Costco trips and a lot more Target trips
• being able to attend the first 4 days of TeachOverseas.org (ESI) training to meet our new team members for the coming year in the Czech Republic

With no news about baby, we decided to extend our trip a little longer than the two and a half weeks we had originally planned. Those last days at training were great and we're glad we got to spend some time with the new team. Hopefully, that will help us feel more connected this year.

So, what's the latest with Baby Thomas? We were able to visit the orphanage on June 27th, which was a really cool experience. Unfortunately, it was late in the day, so most of the kids were already asleep (they put them to bed at 5:30.... (?)) At that point, they didn't have any little girls in the age range we requested who were available to be adopted, so it was just a "get to know the place" kind of visit.

This particular orphanage is really incredible. The staff seem warm and attentive and the place itself is this amazing old mansion up on a hill. It seems like the babies get very good care--which helps us relax a lot. The good news is, we have another appointment to visit tomorrow morning (Matt's birthday!--July 27th) when the babies will be awake. We continue to pray for God's hand in finding the perfect match for us in the perfect timing.

My next post will be about our new flat, however I have some oatmeal getting cold on the table, so I had better go for now. Our VONAGE phone is up and working, though, (go Matt, Tech Wiz!) and so we're expecting lots of phone calls from everyone in the near future... (909 758-8497). We are 9 hours ahead of Pacific Time. :-)

Also, please note our new mailing address:

• Matt and Jenny Thomas
• International Baptist Theological Seminary
• Nad Habrovkou 3
• Praha 6 Jeneralka 164 00
• Czech Republic

You can find out more about the best way to send packages and other fun stuff at our Keeping in Touch page: http://www.thomasfamilyweb.net/keepintouch.htm.

Cool news (although not yet "THE news")

We have had a few cool things happen lately that we are praising God for:

• We are moving this weekend to a new two-bedroom (answer to prayer!) flat at the Baptist Seminary. This flat will be free of charge because of our ministry there in the coming year.

• This coming Tuesday, June 27th, we will get to visit the baby orphanage in Prague--the place where our daughter will likely come from, although there is no guarantee of that. While there, we will get to see what it is like and ask lots of questions of the head doctor.

• Because there is no baby yet, we get to go to California for my sister's wedding (yippeee!), seeing dear friends, and a whole lot of shopping to stock up for next year! We will be in California from June 28th- July 15th, unless we get "the call," in which case our plane tickets are changeable so we can come back early.

• Matt's visa is ready!!!! This is incredible news because they told us it would take a minimum of 2-4 months and it only took 4 weeks! HUGE ANSWER TO PRAYER!

• Our wonderful TeachOverseas.org community here in the Czech Republic suprised us with an awesome baby shower, complete with a beautiful basket full of goodies, lovingly compiled and decorated by our very-gifted friend, Amy Smith.

• Our digital camera broke (perfect timing--weddings and babies ahead!) but we were able to find the same one on ebay for a great price

• We have bought a family season pass to the Prague zoo--which is a fantastic zoo and which we hope to visit many times with the baby!

So, lots of good, though stressful, things... Thanks so much to everyone who is praying and encouraging us in this process.

Musings on Change and Fuzzi Bunz

When I was younger, I really hated change. In recent years, I thought maybe I was over my aversion. After all, change often brings new things that we have been hoping and waiting for for a long time--like babies, new jobs, new places to live and other adventures. In that last few weeks, though, I have been reminded that change is still very painful, especially when a lot of major changes happen in the span of a month or two (the above list, for example)!

Some good news:

• a specific flat (apartment) has been designated for us at the Seminary and it is in the building we had hoped for and has 2 bedrooms (for a while it looked like only 1 bedroom flats would be available)
• not having the baby yet means I have been able to work during June which means no lost income for the month
• the sun has officially returned to Prague and we don't have to wear coats anymore :-)
• we had a great time babysitting our little friend, Nehemiah (almost 3 years old) last weekend--good preparation for what's ahead!
• we decided to buy cloth diapers, which I'm actually really excited about because they are Fuzzi Bunz new high-tech cloth diapers of the future :-)
• it looks like we will probably be able to go to California for Sarah's wedding (yippeee!!!)

The Insider Perspective

So, last night we had a helpful phone call about the adoption which put a lot of things into perspective.

We had heard about a woman named Marie who is a Czech Christian trained as a psychologist at Wheaton College (in the States.) She works at an orphanage in Ostrava, which is in the eastern part of the Czech Repulic, and she is friends with many of the ESI teachers out there.

We called Marie last night because we had heard that she helped another couple to be matched wtih a little boy from her orphanage and that the couple had felt so supported by her and knew she had really loved and prayed for their little boy.

Marie was wonderful and really helpful. Unfortunately, it's not as simple as having her just find us a baby girl in her orphanage. She explained the system to us much more comprehensively than anyone has up to this point. Evidently, we need to wait for the Prague process to run its course first because the babies from other regions only become available nationwide after three families have been offered them and chosen not to adopt them. Marie also said that we are still relatively early in the process and she felt very sure they would find a baby for us in Prague within a few months at the longest. However, she encouraged us to keep in touch and feel free to ask her any questions along the way.

It was deeply encouraging to hear from someone who really understands the process that there is nothing to be concerned about and we're on the path toward having the baby soon. She also gave some wise advice about health issues in the children and how to be sure we know exactly what health problems our baby may have.

Thank you God for an ally and a source of much-longed-for information!

Where are you baby? Part II

For weeks when we have been asked the question, "So, have you heard anything yet?" we've been saying, "No... We told them we wouldn't be free until June 1st, so we won't hear anything till then." Of course all this time we had been hoping that June 1st would roll around and we would get the good news very soon: "Great! She's all ready. Come and get her!"

Now June 1st has come and gone and we do have some news, but not the news we had hoped to hear.

Earlier this week, we sent an email to the Magistrate to let them know that we would be finished with our most pressing work responsibilities as of Monday June 5th and available to receive the baby from then on. The polite and prompt reply came back the next day via our translator. "Please tell them we know they are eager but we haven't yet found a baby for them. We are continuing to search and hope it will be soon."

Bummer!

The hardest thing for me about the way adoption happens (at least here in the Czech Republic) is the lack of concrete information and a sense of timing (i.e. "Are we talking next week or six months from now?" "Hmm.... No idea."). I battle feelings of powerlessness and being at the whim of bureaucrats I can't even speak with directly about something so deeply important to us. It's not that I think it won't happen. I know it will (see note on platitudes below) but it is simply hard having so much uncertainty.

For example, I have no idea when my last day of work will be. That means any lesson with a particular group (whom I see just once a week) could be the last one, so it is hard to know how and when to say goodbye. (I have already talked to my school and will stop working once we get "the call.")

Last night, Matt was gracious enough to help me do something constructive with these frustrated feelings by moving around our furniture configuration in our bedroom in order to put the crib where we want it. We decided we might as well get it ready now because it is something concrete we can do to be more prepared and it will also help us get used to the new arrangement so that there won't be too many changes all at once.

A FINAL NOTE ON PLATITUDES
Thank you to everyone for praying and listening and caring. If you have ever been in a frustrating time and shared about your feelings with other Christians, you may be able to relate to the feeling of just wanting to be heard and affirmed. So, with genuine gratitude for the kind-hearted intentions behind this common Christian practice, I give all our dear friends and family permission *not to* respond to my current feelings with statements such as, "God is in control" and "Everything will come together in God's perfect timing." :-)

Some potentially more helpful responses would be something like:

"I can imagine it must be really hard to wait."
"How can we be praying for her and for you right now?"
"What are you looking forward to about being a new mom/dad?"
"What will you miss about your life before parenting?"

P.S. Of course, I have found in the past that every time I have posted something about the adoption up on this blog, we seem to receive new information that the exact opposite scenario of what I just reported has now become the likely new scenario. So maybe when I hit that magic little "Publish Post" button here in a second, I will hear my phone ring... :-)

Life's Leaving Exams

This week I am sitting with my two beloved groups of seniors through the torture that is their Senior Leaving Examination (Maturita.) The last four years have built to this--one hour of oral exams for which they have to prepare 100 different topics from fields like Czech language and literature, English, German, Spanish, Chemistry, Biology...

It's amazing how so much study can come down to one morning of your life when a committee of people more or less decide your value as a scholar. But not your value as a human being.

A few days ago, I sent a heartfelt letter via email to all my senior students (see the next blog entry below). In it, I shared about my journey of teaching them in the last three years and my gratitude for the ways they stretched me and the experiences we shared. I mentioned favorite memories of them and finished with some life advice from my own experience. Cheesy, perhaps, but it was very sincere. I sent it off, wondering if they would simply brush it aside, or actually be touched by the words.

Yesterday morning before church, I received this reply from Veronika (in the center of the picture above):

"Dear Mrs. Thomas,

I´m really sorry that I´m answering You so late, but I´ve read Your e-mail just before a moment. You´re right when You say that this week is crazy. It is VERY, VERY, VERY CRAZY!!! I have to still study a lot, but when I read Your message, I MUST answer You. I have never received such a beatiful email.... So, I would like to say You a lot, but I don´t know how to explain in Czech, so in English it´s harder :-) When I was in first year I wasn´t content with our English teacher. Lessons were sometimes boring and I think I didn´t learn a lot. When I was in the second year, You started to teach us. I remember when I firstly heard about new English teacher I was really excited. "Wow, my English lessons will be lead by an American teacher, it will be great!!" I was really looking forward to our first lesson. And it wasn´t great, it was WONDERFUL!!!!!! And not just the first one, but all lessons during that three years. It´s true that sometimes I was a little bit tired, especially in Friday when we had two lessons and I wasn´t so active. But You always suprised us when You said: "Let´s relax, watch some movie, it´s Friday"... I was so grateful to You!

Your lessons were fun for me. I am very interested in American culture, much more that in the British, so I liked listening You teaching us about NY, American festivals or parades. I really loved it. Also vocabulary was a horror for me in the past, but I liked when You taught me that. I remember the words like "5-o´clock shadow"-I told about this word to all members of my family, I didn´t know that before :-)

Now, after three years with You, I can say that You really taught me a lot of English language. Especially to understand. Now I can watch some TV program inenglish and I know almost all of the words!!! I am so excited!!! I would like to thank You so much for it, because I believe that the good knowing of foreign language is much more important that anything else. I will be really glad when we will be in touch. I will never forget You and Your awsome lessons....

Well, now I have to return to studing, I´m SO afraid of Monday morning when my leaving exam is happening. I hope I won´t disappoint You......Thank You so much

Enjoy all moments of Your life
Veronika Vaňousová"

Now, who said teaching was a thankless job? When I read this email I thought, "I have had my own leaving exam as their teacher and I have passed." Praise God for the ways he grows us all and the moments when we can see that he is touching others through us.

Letter to my Graduating Seniors

May 9, 2006

Dear 4D,

It's hard for me to believe that I won’t be having any more lessons with you after what feels like such a long time. I walked away from our last class feeling a heaviness in my heart and wishing that I could have said more…communicated better what a privilege and blessing it has been for me to spend this time with you over the last three years.

So, if you'll let me take another five minutes of your time during your crazy study week, I would like to add a few more thoughts to what I've already said. I've always been a person who feels like I communicate myself better through writing than speaking. It was a busy time in our last lesson and, truthfully, I felt a little bit shy. So, here is my second chance…

First, I want you to know that I really meant everything I said to you in the little notes that I wrote. Each one of you has a special place in my heart and it was a joy for me to tell you more personally what I love and will miss about you. I hope others in your life also share with you their praise and thanks, but even if they don't, I wanted you to have it at least from me.

You are a special group of young people and it has been so much fun for me to get to know you better. I remember the first time I met you—a quiet but enthusiastic group who would be "all mine," unlike most of the groups I taught whom I saw only once a week. It felt like a big responsibility and I was afraid I might not give you everything you needed. In fact, my first year of teaching was a pretty scary time for me! You made it worthwhile and you helped me to feel welcome and appreciated at the school. Thank you for that.

I have fun memories of some of the skits you acted for me, the funny stories you wrote, our joint frustration over confusing grammar (you did okay in the end!), your creativity, your smiles, your laughter… If you ask my husband, he'll tell you how fondly I have always spoken of my time with your class. I will never forget you.

When I think about you graduating and moving on, there are so many things I want to tell you. Most of all, I encourage you to live in and enjoy the present moment and not worry too much about the future. Be honest, faithful, and real in love and know that mutual commitment with someone for a lifetime is a special gift that gives back to you more than you give.(It's also a lot of hard work, but worth every bit!) Don't worry about pleasing people—do what you know is right. But also truly listen to the important people in your life, with an open heart and open mind. Have a heart of compassion for others and be patient and slow to judge people. Be sensitive to your inner heart and don't ignore the breath of God inside you. Whether you believe it or not, I know God's deep love for each one of you. I hope some day you will know it too.

I will miss you, but I will continue to pray for each of you, as I have for the last three years.

Many blessings,
Jenny Thomas

June Baby... Maybe?

Today we met with the Magistrate--the top official who heads the adoption system in Prague--and got some new, surprising info.

The short version is: we may meet and bring our daughter home as soon as early June.

For anyone who is interested in the details, here's the scoop. Because we've finished with the adoption training, there are no more hoops to jump through. Today the Magistrate asked us some final questions about what kind of child we are hoping for. Our answer

• a girl
• no older than 1 year, but preferably younger than 6 months (2 months is the minimum adoptable age for babies because they have to have no contact from the mother for 6 weeks before they are available)
• Roma or other minority ethnicity (could be Roma, Vietnamese, Africa/Czech or some combination thereof...)
• no major, non-correctable health problems

These parameters will be entered into their database and we will be matched with available babies. Almost everyone we've talked to has said that once they were in the database, they had a call to come meet their baby within weeks. We've told the Magistrate that we won't be ready before June 1st, because both of us have teaching committments to that time. I actually am contracted to teach through the end of June, but June is a less important month than May, so if I have to take maternity leave, it's probably okay in June.

So, the next steps are to talk to my school and give them the heads up, buy some last minute baby supplies so we'll be ready (although we have a lot, we still need some items like a high chair, diapers, formula etc.), and check with the Baptist Seminary about when will make sense to move on campus.

One surprising thing was that the Magistrate didn't seem overly worried about checking that we have a new valid visa for the coming school year. We are hoping that will prove not to be an issue and that we can get the baby while the visa is still in process. That would be a huge answer to prayer because we have been very worried that the visa would hold everything up.

How are we feeling about all this?, you might ask.... I think we're still a little bit shocked. I've lost the sense of imminent reality about it which I had about a month ago when I was feeling terribly ready to "just get started already!" The visa setbacks discouraged me quite a bit and I think I shut down the part of myself that was feeling ready, or rather put it on hold for a while. So now I'm going to have to build up that sense again in the next month or so. I think that will be plenty of time.

Matt seems excited--in his slightly muted, Matt way. He's more patient with all the changes and uncertainty than I am. We were both pleased today to learn that we will be able to visit the baby home in the next few weeks to see what it's like. He's especially looking forward to that and I think it will make it more real to him.

Well, that's our latest. Feel free to email or call (or post comments here) for more details. We love hearing from you guys!

We're all trained up--evidently

So, on Wednesday (the 19th of April), we attended our first and evidently last training session for the adoption. This type of training has become a common requirement for adoptions worldwide, which is a good step because there are a lot of things that adoptive parents need help being prepared for. For example:

• potential developmental delays that kids who have lived in institutional care often have
• tips about the process of attaching in a relationship with a child who was not born to you
• building trust and helping children adapt to a new environment
• how to deal with the grief and loss that children (and parents) experience in adoption in healthy ways
• honoring your child's history and cultural background, instilling a health sense of identity
• and lots more things that are good to think about it advance

In March and April, we took an online course about these and other topics, which was produced by the state of Illinois. It was really helpful and we hoped the Czech authorities would accept it in place of having to attend the Czech training sessions.

On Wednesday we went to the first Czech training session, just to cover our bases. We were able to talk with the Magistrate--the woman in charge of our case--and show her our certificate from the online course. She said it would be fine and all we need to do is come in and meet with her for about an hour to go over some additional details.

We were excited to hear this news because it potentially puts us closer to "B-Day" (being "Baby Day.") Things are still a little up in the air, but this is a good step.

How to be praying:

• for this one hour meeting with the Magistrate, that we'll get a clearer sense of what comes next and what to expect in terms of timing of being matched to a child
• for wisdom about timing (because we will be moving to a new flat at the end of June, around the time of my sister's wedding in California, we aren't sure if the baby might come before that or not--it could be tricky, but we'd love to meet the baby as soon as possible)
• for our first meeting with our child and for God's grace in the process of attachment and coming to love and trust each other
• for the American immigration process she'll have to go through (all the paperwork to make her a citizen and help her be able to move back with us when the time comes)
• for peace as we wait and attention to the things we're still involved in (teaching, relationships, etc.), to stay focused on "the now"

Some useful info from a bureaucrat? Wow!

Some good news, at last! Well, at least useful news.

This morning my colleague was able to help us speak with the Magistrate's office and we learned that we can definitely go to California for my sister's wedding because we won't be able to meet the baby until after our adoption training course is finished (which will probably be at least 3-4 more months, meaning August or September at the earliest.)

We had wondered if they might wait till the course was over to call us, since all the Czech applicants who are at our stage in the process will have to complete the course, so our file is probably in the batch with them. The latest we had heard is that we might not have to do the Czech training course (we're taking one online in English from an American adoption agency), but we'll have to go to the first session on April 19th to find out more details because we haven't been able to get a straight answer.

At this point, even if we have to take the course in Czech (with a translator), or don't have to go to every session but have to wait until it's over, that will be okay with me. The disadvantages of that new reality:

• We don't get to meet our baby as soon (it might not be till August or later)
• We might have to pay a translator for 10 sessions

However, the advantages are actually pretty cool:

• I had already reconciled myself to August or later because it looks like our new visas won't be ready till then anyway
• This means we can go to Sarah's wedding without any worries
• We can also spend several weeks in California, seeing friends and family, meeting the new ESI teachers at training (for the first week), and stocking up on some things for next year

So, overall, this is good news. And from a bureaucrat, no less! :-)

By the way... The photo in the post has absolutely nothing to do with the adoption, but it is from a recent trip we took together for our church retreat in the interesting town of Kutna Hora.

Pressed down, but not destroyed...

In the last few days, we've had some discouraging news and I've been feeling a mix of sadness, frustration, and confusion.

On Monday, we learned that the process of applying for a new visa to be in the Czech Republic next year is going to take longer than we thought. We need a new visa because I will no longer be teaching at the Czech high school, since we will be living and both working at the Baptist Seminary.

The implication of this news is that, while we hoped we might get to meet and bring our baby home (to our Czech flat--not yet to the States) as early as June, it will now more likely be August or even later.

At first, I was terribly sad about this because I have been feeling SO ready and longing to meet the baby and get started! The last few days we've been scrambling, trying to find any other way to make it happen faster. However, it seems like we probably just have to accept this as the new reality.

Why does this feel like such a loss to me? Well, part of it is that it's frustrating and hard not to have a "due date" for this baby, like most women have. We can't plan easily. Additionally, we realized recently that it has now been more than 9 months since we decided to adopt--so we're feeling a sort of natural sense of "Where is this baby!?" Additionally, things seemed so positive at our last adoption interview and it really seemed likely that we would have her by June. I had so hoped to have the summer to get to know her and begin the process of attachment (which is harder in adoption than for children born to parents) before we will be starting new jobs.

Yesterday I hit a point of discouragement and anger, especially with Czech bureaucracy, where I just wanted to yell at God, "What are you doing?!? Where are you?!?" This was God's answer:

"I love you and I know what you need. Trust me to take care of these things and to bring this together in my perfect timing. In the meantime, just do the next right thing. Get the papers together and work as a team in doing it (you and Matt). Use this time to grow together. I am making you more ready. While you wait, keep your heart in the here-and-now. There are still things that I want to do in your relationships with your students, colleagues and Czech friends. Be listening for my Spirit's prompting. The fruit is ripe. I'm also working on you to bring deeper healing to some areas of your heart and spirit before you become a mom. The time will come. It's coming soon. You don't need to rush. I am taking care of it."

God continues to minister to me with this profound, healing word of grace that pierces through to my heart and reminds me that He knows me and what I need better than I do. And I needed to hear again that God wants to spread that grace to others around me through faithful relationships with them. This morning I read:

"We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...
...It is written: 'I believed; therefore I have spoken.' Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak... All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God...Therefore, we do not lose heart."

~from 2 Corinthians 4:7-17

God, I won't lose heart. Let your grace reach more and more people through me.

Things to pray about:
1. That God would work out the adoption timing in his perfect time.
2. That we would have wisdom as we buy plane tickets to go to my sister's wedding on July 1st (how long to stay in California before returning to Prague? should we stay long enough to be at ESI training to meet the new teachers or should we come back sooner?)
3. Ministry opportunities in these last few months with my students and colleagues, ongoing relationships with them.
4. Our financial needs for the coming year (we will be on full-time missionary support next year, which is a little bit scary, but also good because it will free us up to be 100% devoted to the work at the Seminary and to bonding with our new baby and helping her get adjusted to life in a new family/culture/language etc.)
5. We are hoping to gather some more frequent flyer miles from Lufthansa or United Air to help us bring the baby and ourselves home at the end of the next school year. Please pray that God will help us get those miles somehow.

The Power of Naming

Recently, a good friend of mine was reflecting on the power of naming things in our lives. It came up as she was thinking about giving a name to the past year and the present one.

So, I thought I would give that a try.

In fact, it took me quite a while to come up with something, but I'm pleased with what I ultimately decided on. These names are an attempt to capture my sense of what God's been trying to teach me and do in my heart and life of late.

Without further ado...

2005 was "The Year of Grace"

It was one of the hardest years yet for me, with the return of depression and the new challenge of panic attacks and anxiety, lots of work to do for my Masters degree, struggles to grow in friendship being far away from my "home" community, dealing with my fears and insecurities as a developing teacher... However, God met me in a powerful way last year and taught me very concretely about grace. What a lesson!

One image, shared by a friend who was praying for me one day during a very hard time, will always stick with me about 2005: My friend envisioned me floating in a little row boat in the middle of the ocean, rowing and rowing to get back to a shore I couldn't even see. The word of grace, "Stop rowing! Rest in the boat. God is sending a ship of grace your way."

2006 feels like it will be "The Year of Releasing"

I'm not exactly sure what that means yet or what it will look like, but I sense that God is releasing me "from" and "to" many things. Some concrete ideas... freedom from inordinate attachment to things and routines, release from the stress and pressure I've felt the last few years of working and being in school at the same time, freedom from resentment toward others (the power of forgiveness!), freedom to fully step into the role of mom (something I've been longing for), freedom to trust God fully and not have to make things happen myself, freedom to share my faith and the lessons God's teaching me even more in relationships with people here in Prague...

I feel blessed by God and it's with a grateful heart that I want to proclaim these names--ready for God to teach me even more in the coming years!

What about you???