Living in Grace

2011-12-26T06:32:00.003+01:00

Introducing Noah William Thomas

2010-11-02T05:16:00.002+01:00

Customize your own photo album

Thank you, Mary Mary

2010-08-18T02:57:00.003+02:00

It's sad to me how pretty much all of my "recent" blog posts have been so melancholy. But that's just kind of how life is right now. There's a lot of good and I am thankful for it, but there's a lot of pain, too.

On Monday, I officially entered my third trimester. It's fun to feel the baby moving and see the obvious physical evidence that he's growing bigger every day. I'm so looking forward to having a baby in the house again. It was such a joy having little Sarah. In fact, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it! Part of me had assumed that it would sometimes feel monotonous to repeat the same eat, change, sleep routine over and over again all day. Surprisingly, in 5 months with her, I never found myself resenting or feeling tired of nurturing her and meeting her needs. I imagine I will feel a similar joy in caring for Noah, even though I know the physical challenges will be greater this time since I'll be recovering from giving birth.

In the midst of the joyful expectancy of this new baby, though, I'm still struggling with the challenge of being a mom to the two already in my care. It's a crazy phase of life with preschool and toddler kids at home. So many joys and funny moments, but so much exhaustion! Matt and I both feel the lack of a social life and the drain of very little "time off" from our daily routines.

Praise God, though, that both Anna and Isaiah seem to be thriving. Sweet big sister Anna is growing beautifully into her new role and coming to really enjoy the companionship of a little brother -- most of the time! Yesterday was a rough day for all of us, and I saw her stepping up to engage and encourage him. At bed time, when Matt and I got distracted with something that needed to be addressed right away, I noticed Anna crawl with Isaiah into her "reading nook" under her new loft bed and proceed to "read" him a Lion King story book. She was so dear, and he was loving every moment of it.

Isaiah has progressed so much since he came. The child who was once withdrawn, grieving, fearful, mistrusting, and so hurt now radiates with happiness and a sense of well-being and belonging the majority of the time. He is very close to Matt, which is beautiful to see. God's grace is doing a great work of healing in his little life. We were also very encouraged when the court ruled against the former caretaker who was trying to regain custody of him. It was a long and frustrating journey, but the judge finally acknowledge her unfitness as a parent. It was painful for me to see her grief, knowing how much it hurt when they took Baby Sarah away from Matt and me, but I know that it was not at all in Isaiah's best interest to go back to her. Now we can focus our thoughts and energy on moving forward and building a family with our newest member. His official Termination of Parental Rights hearing will not be until the end of October, but we've been told that the prospects are very good.

What a full year it's been! Really the hardest year of my life... I have struggled with very challenging pregnancy symptoms on top of the ups and downs of being a foster parent and mom of a 5-year-old. My first trimester brought very bad morning sickness and a return of the depression that I've struggled with on and off for years. I came to realize how much I was still grieving the abrupt end of our first foster placement and feeling overwhelmed by the adjustment to having Isaiah with us.

Thankfully, my second trimester was much more smooth. I had the energy boost that many women have, and the nausea subsided. But my job was very busy and stressful through the whole trimester, so it was a challenge to juggle everything and keep a positive perspective. I've been so grateful for a wonderfully supportive boss and colleagues who have been amazing team mates with true servant hearts.

The transition to this final trimester has really thrown me for a loop. I noticed an overnight difference with a sudden return to exhaustion and intense mood swings from depression to anxiety. Despite being on break between semesters (which normally brings me great relief from stress!), I haven't felt like I've been able to "come down" from the intensity of work and the pregnancy symptoms. Finally, Matt and I agreed to call his mom and see if she could come out to help for a little bit. She's arriving tomorrow, and I know that will be a great relief to both Matt and I. I'm thankful to other friends and my family also for stepping in to help us through this time. It's hard for me to ask for help and receive it, largely because a huge part of my self image is being someone who "has it together" and is always responsible. In all honesty, that hasn't characterized me in a long time, but I'm still holding on to that illusion. God, grant me the grace to let go of my tight grasp on control and let you take care of me (especially through others)!

Anyway, I was trying to think of a song that would capture how I'm feeling right now and remind me of the hope that I have in God. Mary Mary's "Can't Give Up Now" came to mind. This song has encouraged me through a lot of difficult seasons...

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
But I can't believe You brought me this far to leave me

When I look back at all of the ways that God has proven himself faithful to me and to our family in the past, I remember where my hope is truly grounded. This God does not leave us when we're at rock bottom. He doesn't promise things and change his mind. He is utterly committed to my healing and my growth. He'll never leave me. There's no other truth that brings more comfort. I have to build my life on this promise...

Songs for Grieving

2010-05-17T04:21:00.006+02:00

It's been more than 3 months now since Sarah left us and just over 2 since Isaiah arrived on the scene. In the midst of all this coming and going of children, I've got a new little one growing inside of me. The effect of all of this (on top of major morning sickness that is still continuing into my second trimester) has been a season of change and grieving for me. To be honest, it's been one of the darkest and most painful times of my life, despite the joys in the midst of the pain.

Lately, I've been searching for music to help me express and release all the difficult feelings. For anyone else who has struggled with the loss of a child or the challenges of parenting a child who has been through major trauma, I thought I would share some of the gems I have found...

Glory Baby (Waterdeep) and I Will Rise (???) from a YouTube video created by a family when their 12-year-old son passed away:

Worth It All (Rita Springer):

Face of Time (Jason Upton):

Deeper Still (Dave Wilcox):

An Encouraging Word during Lent

2010-02-26T17:17:00.003+01:00

Today is the day that we go to pick up little Isaiah and bring him home as the newest member of our family.

The Lenten devotional that we read this morning felt like a clear word of encouragement from God in this humbling, exciting, frightening, hopeful time:

Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me. (Matthew 25:40)

In this passage, Jesus equates two groups of people: "the least of these" and "those who are members of my family." Jesus declares that those who are without food, clothing, good health, or a place to call home are not just people in need, but our sisters, brothers [and children!] These strangers and have-nots of the world are the people most beloved by Jesus. This begs the question of how we respond to those who are strangers to us yet are most dear to Jesus.

Prayer: Holy God, we see strangers all around us in this world. Open our ears to hear the cries of the homeless and the sick. Open our hearts in compassion to those who are most precious to you. Guide our steps to those whom we can serve in your name. Amen.

Faith and Action: Because we have been equipped by God, we have the resources to connect with people who are currently strangers, but whom we will soon recognize as brothers and sisters in Christ.... As [our hearts] go out... we will see a transformation of those around us from the hurting unknown to beloved [fellow members in the family of God.]

A Stocking for Sarah -- The Beginning of a Family Tradition

2010-02-20T00:28:00.003+01:00

This morning, I was inspired to sit down and write this story to share with other families considering foster adoption. It's about the ups and downs of our experience and why, despite the pain, I would and will do it all over again...

*****************

A Stocking for Sarah:
The Beginning of a Foster Adoption Family Tradition

by Jenny Thomas

If history is any indication, all of the children who join our family will come as a complete surprise to us! My husband and I adopted our oldest daughter, Anna, through the Czech equivalent of domestic adoption while we were living and working in Prague, Czech Republic. We met Anna on Matt’s birthday at the orphanage where she had lived for the first year-and-a-half of her life. She was nothing like the child I had expected to adopt, and we certainly didn’t expect to meet our daughter on our casual “tour of the orphanage” that day! But the moment we saw Anna, we knew instantly that we belonged together. It took two months of agonizing waiting, visiting, and trying to convince frustrated Czech social workers that we really did want this ragamuffin little toddler with a “syndrome” (a genetic disorder called Turner’s Syndrome) rather that the healthy infant girl they had recently found for us, but we eventually brought home our little “gypsy girl” on September 15, 2006.

After four life-changing years living overseas, we moved back “home” to Southern California and began to think again about expanding our family. Some good friends at church had had a great experience with U.S. foster adoption, so we signed up, completed piles of paperwork, went through training, and began preparing ourselves and our home to welcome one or two new little family members.

Given that our daughter was 4 years old and extremely social (unlike her introverted parents), we told our social worker that we were interested in a toddler or sibling pair up to or around Anna’s age. Needless to say, we were taken off guard when he called the following week saying there was a newborn baby girl in need of an emergency placement. Were we interested? It took a bit of mental reorientation and a frantic Target shopping trip, but six hours later, we were leaving the hospital with a beautiful, tiny, African American stranger with a full head of curly black hair.

The process of falling in love with baby “Sarah”* was so powerful and rapid that it almost scared me. I had assumed that the fact that we were open to toddlers would certainly mean they would place older children with us. In all honesty, before we got the call, I was not even sure that I wanted a tiny baby at that point in my life. Anna had been 18 months old, so the “newborn thing” was completely foreign to me. My expectations about what it might be like, especially since I would have to continue working full time, were as full of images of chronic exhaustion and the monotony of constant feeding, diaper changing, and laundry as they were of sweet baby coos and cuddling in rocking chairs.

Boy, was I wrong!

From the first moment, I loved EVERYTHING about being a mom to Sarah. Caring for her in the midst of her fragile dependency brought the deepest kind of satisfaction I have ever experienced. My days took on a sort of “monastic” rhythm, centered around the patterns of her daily needs. I woke to her hungry whimpers, calmed myself before work gazing at her contented full-belly morning smile, celebrated my return home with our joyful “play time” reunion, and wound down for bed watching tv with her raspy breathing harmonizing with my own on the couch.

After the first glorious month, our family began to experience first-hand the ups and downs that we had been warned about in the foster adoption process. Sarah’s birthmom was working hard to turn her life around and be reunified with her daughter. In the beginning, this looked unlikely, but it quickly became clear that reunification was a very real possibility. We tried to take it a day at a time, focusing on loving Sarah while “holding loosely.” Living in that grey area between being parents and long-term babysitters was very difficult for me, particularly because I felt such an intense connection to this little girl. As weekly visits with her birthmom became longer and more frequent, I tried to savor every moment that I had, knowing that the time might be very limited.

In early November, Sarah’s social worker called and told us that they were planning to move her to another family who lived closer to her birthmother. We were devastated, but began preparing mentally and emotionally for the transition. Each day, we waited for the phone call saying that they were coming to get her. But it didn’t come. Several days later, we learned that plans had changed and, if we were open to it, they would like Sarah to stay with us indefinitely. We were flooded with a huge sense of relief and elation! This meant she would be with us for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and perhaps longer… maybe even forever.

As Christmas approached, I dug out my dusty sewing box (I’m no sewing expert!) to make a stocking for baby Sarah. In the past, I had hand-made stockings for each member of our family -- daddy, mommy, and Anna – in corresponding colors. I picked out a quilted paisley fabric in complimentary tones and stayed up till 3 in the morning sewing. The next day, I sat for over an hour holding Sarah and staring with great satisfaction at our four little stockings hanging over the fire place. Yes, this was right and good. Daddy’s red and green and mommy’s patchwork quilt on one side; Anna’s bright red with partridges and Sarah’s paisley quilt on the other. Colorful, unique, and cobbled-together, but somehow balanced and harmonious – just like our little family.

The holidays seemed to linger this year. I supposed part of that had to do with the fact that we were too busy to take down our Christmas decorations for weeks and weeks after the New Year! Around the time that I finally felt ready to take them down, we received a surprising and saddening phone call. Sarah’s birthmom was doing extremely well (for which we were genuinely thankful), but this meant that the social workers wanted them to begin spending the whole weekend together in preparation for being fully reunified in a few weeks. We had known that reunification was a strong possibility, but the suddenness of the decision caught us completely off guard. Over the short remaining time, grief began to seep into our home and our hearts. It felt like hearing that someone you love has days to live. Every little moment and interaction took on a heaviness of being “the last”… last visit to the doctor, last diaper purchase, last bath, last night with us.

The news of Sarah’s imminent departure left me frozen in my efforts to “undecorated” the house. February rolled around, and her little stocking still stared at me from the mantle, reminding me daily that she probably wouldn’t be here the following year to joyfully explore its contents. For whatever reason, the stocking became the most painful and poignant symbol of our loss. I agonized for two weeks over what to do with it. Should I send it with her? If I were her mom, I would want to choose my own, not use the one selected by a “stranger”. Could I possibly give this special stocking to a future child? I actually felt a little bit nauseous at the thought. “No! This is HER stocking.”

Then one morning, I woke up knowing exactly what I wanted to do. It would remain Sarah’s stocking, but it would stay with our family. I shared my idea with my husband: “We can put it up each year in memory of her. Instead of filling it with presents, we can have each member of our family write a letter to her and collect them all inside, year after year. That way, we can share our thoughts and prayers and memories with her as a way to honor her special place in our family and bless her symbolically, even though she won’t be with us physically.” This solution just felt right.

A few days later, I gave my baby girl a bath, massaged her one last time with her favorite lavender lotion, bundled her up and took the tearful drive to reunite her forever with her birthmom. My husband and I held each other and cried in the rain before getting back into the car… without her.

Walking away from the baby whom I had cared for loved for nearly five months was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The waves of sadness, frustration, disappointment, and longing still wash over me daily. But there is peace, too. I feel peace when I think of the stable, nurturing beginning that she had with our family and the courageous, loving birthmom who has given everything she has to be able to parent her precious child. In all sincerity, this is a happy ending… what should have happened. But I still miss my girl.

Yesterday, my husband got out the Christmas bins. It was finally time. As I looked at Sarah’s stocking, I was surprised to find the pain and “frozen” feeling it used to evoke replaced by a warm wave of peace and gratitude. I felt no anger or despair as I pulled it down and placed it gently into the bin with the rest of our stockings and Christmas decorations. Here was this little memory of Sarah, at home where it belonged with the other symbols of our family’s most special traditions. She is a part of us, and no one can ever take that away. We are a part of her, whether or not she will have any conscious memory of her time with us.

This experience marked the beginning of what will become a new family tradition for us. I plan to make a stocking for each new child and put them all out each year, whether they will be filled with presents or precious letters. What a joy to have a hearth full of colorful stockings and a heart full of precious children! Despite the surprises, the losses, and the pain, I can’t imagine a more beautiful way to build a family. I am thankful to each of my children and to all of those who will come, who enrich our lives with their uniqueness and fill our home with their memories.
Our family plans to continue in our foster adoption journey, despite the potential heartbreaks that may come. The miracle of sewing a frayed little scrap of fabric in to our family quilt is worth the pain and the risk of that little patch being removed and sewn back into the bolt of fabric from which it was cut.

* “Sarah” is not her legal name, though it is the name we would have given her had we been able to adopt her.

Anticipating Lost and Loss

2010-02-02T05:46:00.008+01:00

I have been both looking forward to and dreading this week for a long time. Fortunately, the looking forward has lasted longer than the dreading, but that actually doesn't help much.

Tomorrow brings the season premier of the final season of Lost -- the two hours of television that I think I have longed for more than any other television program in my lifetime. And that's pretty much all I have to say about that because. . .

Friday brings the court hearing that will probably signal the loss of my precious baby girl.

As much of a tv addict as I am (and, sadly, I'm a BIG one!), this news has completely overshadowed any joy I was feeling about this week. We've known for some time that there would be a hearing on February 5th to conduct a "progress check" in the baby's case. What we didn't know (because the baby's lawyer expressly told us it would never happen) is that they would be moving her back with her birth mother at that time (this weekend, most likely). Things had definitely been swinging in the direction of reunification, so we were preparing ourselves for the eventual transition, but we were quite sure it would not happen before the Termination of Parental Rights hearing in May. We were wrong.

So, what does it feel like to find out that the baby you brought home from the hospital and whom you've been caring for for four months is leaving? The best way I can describe it is like finding out that a close family member or friend has a few weeks to live. I go to bed each night ticking another day off in the countdown. Just 4 more nights left. Four more days of "normalcy" before there will be this gapping hole in our family.

You'd think you would want to savor every moment and squeeze all of the joy out of each second together. I do want to. But at the same time, all of my interactions with her are colored by grief. I'm afraid that she can feel it . . . sense that something terrible is imminent. I try to reassure her, but I can't even quite reassure myself that everything is going to be okay.

I wish I could be part of her life forever -- see her grow up, watch her personality (that we're already seeing beautiful glimpses of) unfold, support her through the challenges she'll face... But I have always known that she didn't ultimately "belong" to me. She's been "on loan." Yet, she has become a part of the fabric of our family life. Her little raspy breathing and sloppy finger-sucking noises in the co-sleeper next to me at night. The neat little rows of freshly-washed bottles that are ever-present on our countertop (they never quite seem to make it back into the cupboard.) Her bouncy chair in the bathroom that I am constantly tripping over. The bulky double-stroller that used to seem like such an eyesore in our living room (nowhere else to store it!) but now I don't even notice.

All these little things that used to seem like mundane baby peraphernalia now carry the sad weight of painful reminders.

The worst part, though, is imagining what the experience of separation and transition will be like for her. I know that babies are resilient and she will soon forget us completely (at least in any kind of conscious sense). However, before that happens, she will wonder. She'll miss our familiar presence, our smell, the sound of our voices, the particular songs we sing, the colors and textures of our home, her bed, our couch. Her mom probably won't give her a daily massage in the same way with the same lavendar scented lotion. Even her clothing, blankets, carseat, and stroller will change. We will send all of her clothes with her, but her mom has already shown a preference during visits for dressing the baby in clothes that she bought for her. I would probably do the same. It's about legitimacy and claiming... But the baby doesn't know that. For her, it's just about change and loss.

I don't know how to say goodbye.

We're planning a time of prayer together with family and close friends on Wednesday night. That will be healing for me. But at some point, that final moment is going to come, and I'm going to have to put "my" baby into someone else's arms, turn my back, and walk away from her. I don't know if she will be safe or what her life will bring. I will probably never see pictures, know how she's doing in school, hear about her friendships, boyfriends, attend her graduation or wedding... All of these things could have been milestones in my life, but now they'll be milestones in someone else's.

There are two things that I'm clinging to right now -- the only two that are getting me through this time.

First, something I heard the Holy Spirit whisper gently: "Lean on me. Love her." I cry out to God over and over these days, "I'm leaning on You! I'm loving her!" That's all that I can do at this point. Those are the only two parts of this crazy process that are actually under my control -- where I put my trust, and how I love this child while she's in my life.

And second, a passage that my friend and colleague, Michael, shared with me a few weeks ago:

~~~~~~~~~~~

2 Corinthians 4

Treasures in Jars of Clay

1Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. . . 5For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"[a]made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay [we are those frail jars of clay for the treasure that God has entrusted to us through this ministry of foster/adoption!] to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."[b]With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you [Sarah Jalen!] in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people [Baby "Sarah" AND her birth mom -- God is working healing!] may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you, God, that your grace is sufficient and that you work all things together for good. We are clinging to your promises and pleading that your power to heal and transform will be SO EVIDENT to many through the ripple effect of your love in Baby Sarah's life. Bless her with all good things, and may we see her again and rejoice with her some day in Your presence.

Thank you, Sarah, so much for the honor of knowing and loving you. You will be profoundly missed but never forgotten.

Vacation and Fall

2009-09-19T05:17:00.011+02:00

As mentioned below, I was surpised to find that blogger is prompting me to add labels to my posts today with the examples "scooters", "vacation", and "fall", which all happen to be profoundly on my mind this evening.

So, here is installment number 2: Vacation and Fall (sadly, in that order)

If the last time you heard from me -- electronically or otherwise -- was the last time you read a post on this blog (i.e. fall 2007), BOY do I have a lot of catching you up to do! I'll save you all the details and summarize thusly:

* worked "part time", though with quite a full plate, at Azusa Pacific University from the time I returned to the States in July 2007 to March 2008.

* was hired full time as "Special Programs Coordinator" for the American Language and Culture Institute at APU a year and a half ago

* am teaching four classes (mainly research skills and academic reading and writing for international students) as well as:
--heading the International Writing Center at APU
--overseeing the American International Mentoring Program
--leading the Summer University Preparation Program
--serving as the Level 4 academic advisor for our department
--and occasionally teaching some extra courses in the TESOL Masters program

* am parenting a delightful and very energy-consuming 4.5 year old

As you might imagine, given all of the above, I found myself in March very much looking forward to my late-August, between-semesters (we teach year round with three semesters) vacation.

When Matt and I realized that he would actually be teaching at Fuller through my entire APU vacation time, I nearly had a meltdown. Praise God, my wonderfully gracious boss was willing to find someone who could cover my Orientation responsibilites, allowing Matt and I to *gasp* TRAVEL TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME!! (It's been a while... can you tell?)

The idea first came to me -- inconveniently -- in the middle of the night. Two little words with such power to delight!!!

.... Disney... cruise.....

I stayed up till about 3 a.m. researching and planning my sales pitch. We would drive to Florida to save money, take the 3 day cruise, and even get to see Matt's uncle and aunt as an extra bonus. And the price tag? A mere $*#&@...

In true "kid on Christmas morning form", I woke Matt at 5 a.m., giddy with my plans, and was thrilled to find that he was not only relatively unmiffed about the early wake up, but surprisingly open to my elaborate, expensive plan. (Actually, I shouldn't say I was surprised. He's usually pretty great about things like this. I really did get a Good One!)

Over the next few weeks (how does this happen?), the drive-to-Florida 3 day cruise slowly morphed into a cruise plus 2 days in the parks "because we HAVE TO see Epcot, but we can stay with your uncle to save money", which eventually became 4 days in parks "because it's only a few dollars more per day (really) once you get past a certain point", which ultimately ended with 4 days at a Disney resort with a day in each of the main theme parks before heading off for the 3 days at sea. I will say, in my defense, that Disney was offering a promotion where people who stayed on property got free Disney dining for the duration of their stay, which actually paid for the hotel, especially when you figure the cost of renting a car, parking, etc. Needless to say, this vacation became a Big Deal pretty quickly.

Despite the fact that I am generally a very spontaneous, last minute kind of person, I was pleased to discover that planning a vacation six months in advance allows for six months of sheer joy whenever the thought pops into your head that said vacation is drawing nearer. I was amazed at the power the planning and anticipating process had to literally bring me to the brink of tears. Yay for vacation!!!

After pushing through a very intense year+ at work, when the time finally came to depart, I was Beyond Ready. Anna and I spent the day before our trip shopping and packing, including a trip to the recently-discovered Disney outlet in Pomona where we purchase a size 7-8 (she's a size 4) Sleeping Beauty costume. This precipitated the maiden voyage of the "new" sewing machine that Matt bought me for Christmas at the Goodwill. $20. Yes, $20 -- did I mention what a great husband I have? (It worked beautifully!)

With Princess paraphernalia and lots of sunscreen in tow, we headed off for our Magical Vacation...

This is the part where you expect me to say how the "honeymoon" came to a crashing end in a spectacular explosion of sunburn, nap-less preschooler tantrums, muggy Florida weather, long lines, and sickness (both sea and otherwise).

You know what, though?? Despite having all of the above (except the long lines -- we hardly waited 5 minutes for anything!) the trip actually managed to live up to and even exceed the incredibly high expectations of six months of waiting and dreaming.

It was a gift.

Disney vacation 2009: Somehow the perfect exclamation point at the end of a significant chapter of my life. I'm being serious. I know I keep saying that, but I'm struggling to express -- without being completely cheesy -- how significant this time was to me.

In a few (days? weeks? hours? minutes?), we're going to go from being a cozy little family of 3 to a crazy household of (4? 5? ...?) This will happen suddenly and without the ability to plan the way I (a planner while also spontaneous -- yes, both!) NEED to plan. He/she/they may be newborn, toddler, preschooler, singular, plural, male, female, black, white, hispanic, ????? They may stay for a short time and leave forever or come and put down roots in our home and become branches on our family tree. So, we're tilling the soil...and waiting for Change to engulf us.

So, maybe my Disney dream vacation was just a decadent, unrealistic departure from "real life" that allowed me to push foster-adoption, work, house-cleaning/organizing, and other cares completely out of my mind for a week. Or maybe it really was a special little blessed time from God to say, "Hey! Take a minute to savor the last few days of the Daddy, Mommy, Anna chapter of your life."

Now, as I'm fully back into Fall (Fall! I used to love you so much! Why have you betrayed me?) and totally overwhelmed with changes, work, a "huge" class of students (well, 10 is big when you're used to 4), uncertainty, my cell phone dying, my sister moving out, my Tivo losing everything I had recorded while I was on vacation, etc., I'm keenly aware that we can't hold tightly to anything except God's grace. And as I begin to have tiny glimpses of what this new phase of my life holds, I am eternally grateful that He has "written my days in his book." I don't need to read the end first...

How did you know?

2009-09-19T04:39:00.005+02:00

So, when I get to the page to write a new post (on this blog which, let's face it, I haven't posted on in about two years), I notice at the bottom of the text box the following prompt: "Labels for this post: eg. scooters, vacation, fall."

Weird.

Blogger must have been anticipating my return because these seemingly random tags are actually incredibly reflective of the three things that I wanted to post about upon the occasion of my return to the blogosphere. Yes. I'm actually serious.

Scooters (more on vacation and fall in another post...)

As I pulled into the driveway of my little mobile home (we bought a little mobile home last year -- and before you scoff, it's actually a great little house), I noticed it. We affectionately refer to it as "the Tupperwaremobile" -- the 2001 Honda Elite 80 motor scooter that we bought when we were both within a 3 mile commuting distance from work and living carelessly in the pre-child haze of newlywededness. Owning a scooter was fun while it lasted. Upon our decision to move to Prague, we tried to sell the scooter -- and even had an offer that we would pounce on now -- but made the unfortunate choice to keep it in storage in my parents' garage, with my dad's promises to run it from time to time.

In the two years since we returned from (our four years) living overseas, the scooter has come to represent a whole class of objects that I would rather pretend don't exist: the Things-That-We-Don't-Want-But-Are-Too-Valuable-To-Sell-At-A-Garage-Sale-But-We-Don't-Have-Time-to-List-On-Craigslist-Or-Have-Tried-With-No-Luck-Because-We-Can't-Sell-Them-For-Even-Close-to-What-They're-Worth-In-This-Economy.

Do you have one of these sections in your garage, too? Or perhaps in your Scary-Closet/Backroom-Where-You-Throw-Things-And-Try-To-Pretend-They-Don't-Exist?

Anyway, since moving into our own home, we've done a pretty darn good job of weeding things out, particulary as we're preparing for the addition of one or two new little people to our home any day now. (More about this, certainly, in many posts to come.) Space is limited, so I have zero tolerance for clutter and junk we don't use.

But the scooter remains.

Backing up to the "dad's garage" portion of the story... While I'm genuinely not complaining and probably would have done the same thing myself, my dad basically drove the scooter twice in four years and left it to gather an inch of dust and become a buffet for mice. Yes, literally. After trying to pretend it didn't exist for two years, Matt finally tried to start the scooter up a few weeks ago. This proved unsucessful and, a $300+ dollar trip to the scooter mechanic later, we learned that rodents had literally chewed up the electrical system (on top of the aforementioned fact that it hadn't been run in half a decade.)

We were able to get the thing running well enough to bring it home (it's actually in pretty good condition now!), but the mechanical problems were only the first hurdle. The fact that the registration lapsed two years ago (very long story) is proving to be the bigger challenge in our crazy over-busy lives these days. DMV? No thanks.

Thus, arriving at home tonight and seeing the scooter sitting in the driveway, well on its way to what could realistically be another 6 years of sitting completely unused (no! we won't let that happen this time... will we?) reminded me that sometimes in life, you just have to accept that checking that last item off the To-Do list is really, truly, never going to happen. And maybe that's okay. Or, if this one particular thing does get accomplished, another will come along to take its place at the bottom of the list.

Hmmmm....

Anybody want to buy a scooter?

Here we go!

2007-08-28T03:25:00.000+02:00

I feel like I am being launched full speed ahead into this fall.

During the spring, Matt and I spent endless hours applying for jobs, researching all the cities where the potential jobs were located, and dreaming about what our return to the U.S. after four years in Prague might hold. This is what I imagined:

Matt teaching Old Testament in a one-year sabbatical leave position somewhere in a small town in the Mid-West. Me adjusting to life as a stay-at-home-mom, with Matt working most of the time. Setting up a little aparment. Trying to make new friends, find a new church, and establish routines. Being in major reverse culture shock.

When said job for Matt did not materialize for this fall, I envisioned a very different year:

Living with my parents. Being extremely poor. Having to settle for part-time jobs outside our fields (a la coffee shop/book store/bank teller). Feeling somewhat purposeless and transient. Spending the whole year applying for something like vision one above--for next year.

Vision two, though disappointing on many levels, had one feature to recommend it. It would involve a restful summer, during which we could decompress and try to process the *major* transitions our family has been through in this past year. I was really looking forward to this time.

God has surprised me.

Yes, we are living with my parents in La Verne (Southern California). However, the moment Anna and I stepped off the plane on June 14th, we were launched into a new, busy, unexpected phase of life. Matt stayed in Prague till early July, wrapping up some business and spending time with some friends who had planned a visit. This meant that I had Anna duty all by myself for almost three weeks--a somewhat daunting task on its own, not to mention on top of some of the worst jet lag I have ever experienced. My parents and Christy helped me immeasurable when they were not at work, but the days were still long!

In early July, I began a new job teaching international students in the Summer University Preparation Program at my M.A. alma mater, Azusa Pacific University. This was a wild, wonderful, draining, rewarding whirlwind! In four weeks, I came to know and love fifteen students from Argentina and Taiawan. As soon as they came, it seemed, we were bidding tearful goodbyes.

I had anticipated an empty August--that much-longed-for rest and processing time--but this month has quickly filled up as well. During my interview process for the summer school program, the Provost asked me if I would consider teaching a First-Year Writing Seminar. Thinking that the ESL deparment would have no more than 10 - 15 teach hours for me in the fall, I gratefully hopped on board in the English department as well.

As it turns out, I am now teaching five new classes in the fall:

*First-Year Writing Seminar (on the theme of Christian Missions: Being and Making Disciples)
*Advanced Grammar/Seminar Speaking
*Research Skills
*Presentation Skills
*Audit Report (a 1 unit class which supports international students as they observe an undergraduate course in their field, trying to learn about the culture of American education)

Wow!

August filled up quickly with debriefing the summer school program, making a short visit up to my sister Sarah in San Luis Obispo, participating in a Teaching Writing seminar (in preparation for the First-Year Writing Course), caring for Anna while Matt took the same seminar the following week (he will be teaching First-Year Writing, too), and now planning and preparing for the five new courses.

Busy! Busy! Busy!

I've only had one meltdown, though the pressure feels fairly constant. Fortunately, we made the wonderful decision of buying season passes to Disneyland, in lieu of the vacation to visit Matt's family in Ohio, which we hoped to take in August. So, there have been some bright points. Watching Anna discover the joys of carousels, the Dumbo ride, having her picture taken with her idol (Winnie the Pooh), and It's a Small World (it's actually sweet through the eyes of a child...), has been beautiful.

School starts on September 5th, and both Matt and I are a little bit dazed by how this fall has shaped up. Although I will be working A LOT more than I expected (basically full time), I am getting to do work that's not only in my field, but building some really key skills and experience that I have wanted to develop for a long time. Matt has been approved as part of the adjunct pool for biblical studies at Azusa Pacific. Though they don't have any openings for the fall, there may be opportunities to teach in the spring at the undergraduate and/or graduate levels.

Although Matt wouldn't necessarily have imagined himself teaching writing to first year students, in many ways it makes much more sense than the other part-time jobs he might have taken on in this "gap time." He is able to build the course around a theme connected to his field and interests: Religious Themes in Science Fiction. This will not only be more enjoyable for him than serving overpriced, half-caff iced beverages to the masses, but it is a good thing to have on a resume when working in academia. Many professors dread being asked to "put in time" teaching new students to write. Matt has embraced it with enthusiasm and is vieweing it as an opportunity to learn how to be a more effective teacher, while building connections at APU.

So, it will be a much-busier-than-expected, less-poor-than-expected year for us. We are committed to making Anna a priority in the midst of it all, for which we would appreciate your prayers. Continuing to live with my family, at least for the fall, will actually make that easier, as our financial stressors will be less and our support system will be much stronger. Anna is already thriving in the loving soil of grandma and grandpa's home, where she is showered with affection and attention from five smitten care-givers. She's never been happier, and we are much more at peace, not having to shoulder the stresses of parenting all on our own in the midst of this transition.

God has been very, very good to us. The key now will be managing to do the processing that we still very badly need to do: about our leaving Prague, about becoming parents to a cross-culturally adopted toddler, about working more fully into our careers. IT'S BEEN A BIG YEAR!!!

If you're still reading this far down, thanks for your patience...and your prayers.

Back in So. Cal and feelin'.....weird

2007-06-25T16:46:00.000+02:00

I arrived at LAX at about 9pm on Thursday, June 14th, after about 36 hours of not sleeping and corraling a 2 year old on a 14 hour flight. Matt remained in Prague to wrap up some details (like selling our car) and hang out with friends who were coming to town. He'll be here on July 3rd.

Though exhausted, I was still able to appreciate the awesomeness of going through immigration at the airport and getting that little stamp in Anna's passport that says she's finally an American citizen! What a long process...

My parents are so thrilled to have her here. We all sang E-I-E-I-O the whole car trip home and she was bathed in love. When we arrived at their house, her response was, "Wow!" several times. She seems to genuinely love it here.

The next day was full of new discoveries: the playhouse that Grandpa built, the pool, all the fun toys, and the park around the corner. This is a good house for kids.

I, on the other hand, had a very hard first few days. I was really hit with sadness about leaving Prague and missing Matt. Sleep was a big problem for about the first week. Anna slept 4 hours, 6 hours, then 8 hours. She's finally back to 10-11, which is great, and I'm not waking up every hour any more. That helps a lot with perspective.

It's been great to reconnect with good friends, though I've felt lonely in the day while everybody is at work and I'm here with Anna. I have been so blessed the past year to have Matt around so much with us sharing a job and doing a lot of work from home. I will really miss that.

Last week I had a job interview (the final stage of the process for this job which I basically already have but just needed to formalize by meeting with higher up administration reps.) It went amazingly well, despite the fact that I was still pretty foggy headed from not sleeping. They said they really liked my writing (in my cover letter and essays) and were wondering if I would consider teaching Freshman Writing too. I'm supposed to have an interview for that in about a week. Wild!

So, if all goes well, I will be teaching in a 5 week intensive English program for international students who are hoping to go to college in the States. I will be helping to prepare them for the study skills they will need to succeed in the US university context. This excites me greatly and is basically my dream job. If we stay in So. Cal. in the fall, I can probably continue in the same job.

If you're reading this and are inclined to pray, here are a few current things that we're really needing God's help with:

*We need to sell our car in Prague and that has proved to be much more difficult than we expected. It's a bad time of year because everybody is leaving Prague in June. We may need to transfer it to a trusted friend and then try to sell it again in the early fall. This is less than ideal, but might work fine. Please pray for wisdom in how to handle it, protection for the car from any accidents/theft etc., and a good buyer who can be blessed by it as much as we were.

*We're still working on job possibilities and that takes a lot of faith. It's not an easy thing to apply from overseas. Please pray for provision of exactly the right job(s) and for peace in the midst of all the waiting and the big changes.

*This is a tough time financially as we are between jobs. We are praying that many of our supporters will understand this and be moved to continue their support temporarily until we are more settled.

Puzzle

2007-04-20T14:46:00.000+02:00

Learning to play

2007-04-11T13:53:00.000+02:00

The past few days, we've taken Anna to several new parks. The fun thing is that she has finally hit the point where she really PLAYS at the park.

In the fall and winter, whenever we would go to a playground (perhaps due to the cold or her having just learned to walk in September), she just kind of stood there or would rely on us to put her on the rocking horse, pick her up and put her down the slide etc.

Now, she is learning how to climb up and then go down the slide all by herself - and she is SO PROUD! :-) It's really cute to see how excited she gets.

The other cute thing is that she likes to make friends with the other moms at the park (not so much the kids, but the moms). She'll cozy up to some stranger in the sandbox, which inevitably gets a lot of amused attention. She knows how to work a crowd.

The other day (on "Easter Monday" - the day that Czechs celebrate Easter), we went to a park near the Brevnov monastery, not far from our home. There was a little boy there playing with a bouncy ball with his mom. Anna's eyes got big and she immediately ran over and tried to take the ball. Fortunately, he found this amusing and sweetly shared it with her. For the next half hour, she chased him around, arms outstretched, little a tiny ball monster trying to steal it from him. It was really funny.

Anyway, all of this to say that "our little girl is growing up", which is both wonderfully sweet and a little sad. She seems more like a kid and less like a baby every day. But it's so much fun to watch her discover the world and her own abilities.

Anna and Dad Discuss Opposites

2007-04-09T14:54:00.001+02:00

Little One, God Loves You

2007-04-09T14:52:00.000+02:00

New hobbies

2007-04-06T13:29:00.000+02:00

In the past week I have been trying to watch less tv, so Matt and I have been developing new hobbies. For example, last night we played Taboo (less fun with two people, but still enjoyable) and Speed Scrabble.

If you have never played Speed Scrabble, write me a comment and I will tell you how to play it. It' much more fun than normal Scrabble, in my humble opinion.

My other new hobby...which may not last more than a couple of weeks, but I'm having fun with it for the moment... is Myspace. Myspace is one of the American cultural phenomena which seems to have arisen entirely during our time in the Czech Republic (along with Paris Hilton, The OC, and the whole grain diet revolution). I never even heard of Myspace until about a year ago and I was convinced that it was definitely not for people like me. But I've given in and I'm actually finding it quite enjoyable.

Things I like about Myspace:
*adding a pretty background
*trying to find people to be my "friends"
*actually having contact with my sister Sarah via computer (this is a very big deal! :-)
*using a bit of html again - haven't done this since college

Other than the keeping in touch with Sarah aspect, I would probably loose interest in the other above mentioned things about Myspace, largely because I really am the sort of person who has a small, close knit group of friends, rather than the type who is up late at night ready random people's internet profiles and trying to build up my social connections. In fact, I have been bombarded with "friend" requests from complete strangers, none of which I have accepted because their profiles revealed them to be fairly scary individuals with whom I would rather not be associated.

The genius and perhaps the sickness of Myspace, however, is that I actually considered accepting some of those people's invitation, solely based on the fact that I feel bummed when I see that other people have, for example, 165 "friends" and I have (at last count) 16. Oh well... I never aspired to be Miss Popularity, so I simply remind myself that 16 very good friends are certainly more valuable than hundreds of complete strangers who pretend to be friends for the sake of a number.

So, that's my ramble for today.

Check out my Slide Show!

2007-04-06T13:18:00.001+02:00

Can it be 6 months already???

2007-03-24T02:21:00.000+01:00

To our amazement, we just celebrated 6 months of Anna's time in our home on March 15th, 2007. It's incredible how quickly the time passes!

Here are some highlights of the past 6 months:

March 15th, 2007 - enjoyed a special family meal out at a Lebanese restaurant to celebrate 6 months of Anna's being at home with us

March 19, 2007 - we applied for a new birth certificate with our names as Anna's parents

March 17, 2007 - dropped off the paperwork to classify Anna as an immediate relative so that she can immigrate to the USA with us

February 27, 2007 - we went to court to finalize the adoption. The judge said "Yes!"

February 17, 2007 - celebrated her 2nd birthday with friends at the Seminary

December 25, 2006 - enjoyed our first Christmas together as a family and a visit from Nana and Paw Paw Thomas (Matt's parents)

November 2006 - attended the TeachOverseas Thanksgiving Retreat together, her first Thanksgiving Dinner!

October 2006 - dressed up as an adorable bumble bee for her first Halloween

It's such a delight to see all the ways that Anna is growing and changing. She's moved from size 12 month clothing to 18 month, size 3 to size 6 shoes, 75 to 80cm, and lots more...

She is able to walk, run, dance, climb up on chairs and up and down stairs, sing several songs (in her own baby language), speak tons of words and a few phrases, understand much of what we say, and carry on long phone "conversations"...

She loves music, food, taking a bath, everyone at the seminary, going for walks, wearing pretty clothes (she is very fashion conscious!), trying on Mom and Dad's shoes and gloves, swimming, and the Psalty videos...

We feel so fortunate that we get to be Anna's parents!

Addendum to First Christmas

2006-12-12T18:27:00.000+01:00

I am happy to report that the Christmas mood has hit me at last. Interestingly, it came while sitting late at night under the lights of our tiny Christmas tree, which we finally put up on the day that I wrote my last post.

For some reason, Christmas trees really speak to me. I think it is the way they are a link to so many memories. Matt and I enjoyed recollecting the story of each little ornament--all of which we've bought on European travels or recieved as special gifts since we arrived here. This kind of story-telling is one of the reasons why ornaments are my favorite souvenir to buy while traveling. They have the advantage that they can be something a little kitsch while still be useful--and I'm guaranteed to actually get them out and look at them at least once a year.

Ever year in Advent I also try to think more deeply about the person of Jesus and let him meet me in a new way. Truthfully, that has been hard this year because I feel so distracted by all the things we've got to do in the course of a day. But I am trying to be open and have a posture of listening. I'm pleased because my book group which reads the works of Henri Nouwen (one of my favorite spiritual writers) may be reading a book about Jesus as our next text. It was written by Nouwen to his 19 year old nephew who was struggling with what it meant to follow Christ in a very secular world. I am looking forward to reading Nouwen's thoughts and discussing with this group of wonderful, reflective women. Monday nights are one of my favorite times of the week. :-)

Well, that's all for now...

First Christmas

2006-12-08T15:18:00.000+01:00

I don't know about you, but everyone I've been talking to around here lately has felt that Christmas came way too early this year. Maybe global weather patterns are changing or there's some other good explanation, but somehow the holidays are just here sooner than they feel like they should be and it's kind of bumming me out.

We spent Thanksgiving, as we do every year in the Czech Republic, at the Thanksgiving Retreat put on by our missions organization, TeachOverseas. It was a strange experience in a lot of ways because it was our first time travelling with Anna so we were in very new territory. We ended up bringing our car just because of all the baby gear we needed to lug along so as not to disrupt Her Royal Highness's routine too much (thus leading to less sleep on the part of the lowly peon parents... our true motivations emerge. :-)

Although it was a good retreat, the Thanksgiving meal itself left a lot to be desired. It was prepared by the Czech hotel's restaurant staff and it just wasn't like mom would make (it was basically just turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy). So, we were relieved to learn that we were invited to a "round 2" Thanksgiving feast the following Saturday with several of the TeachOverseas folks. This time, it was exquisitely American and felt like a proper feast. Anna loved everything and fell asleep that night with a glowing, contented smile as if saying, "Something pleasant has just happened to me and I hope it happens again."

So, two Thanksgivings under our belt, you might expect it would feel like it's about time for Christmas. To be fair, it does feel more that way than after the first one (at which point I felt physically ill at the sight of the Tesco mega mall all dolled up for Christmas). The day after Thanksgiving #2, we headed to the home of some friends from church for a Christmas carol sing-a-long, complete with a wide variety of familiar cookies and a genuine, homemade cheeseball (yippeeee!!!) This put us in the holiday mood, though the strange lack of snow this December (Prague is generally very white in the winter) has left us wondering what to expect.

I still feel a lingering "let down" feeling about this Christmas season, though, and I'm not sure why. Somehow it just seems that it's not time yet and to have Christmas now is gratuitous and extravagant. Didn't we just do all this a few months ago?

One way I'm trying to recapture the joy of Christmas is looking at it through Anna's eyes. Though this is not her first Christmas, she is a lot more aware of her surroundings now than she was at 10 months of age. I had fun the other day buying her some musical instruments (her main present from us) and it's been great receiving gifts for her from friends and family around the world. I am excited to watch her soak up the beautiful Christmas hymns and read the tiny board book we have about the Baby Jesus. Though I know she doesn't completely understand about him yet, she has learned to recognize his name. (The other day I said, "Ani, let's read about Jesus." and she went to the bookshelf, scanned the books, picked out her Baby's First Bible and brought it back to me with a big smile. I also tell her about him every night and how much he loves her and she pleasantly agrees, "Yeah... Mm hmmm..." as if to say, "Of course he does, Mom, what's not to love?")

Although I am glad to be able to share this holiday with her and I know I can focus on God's coming in my life (in gratitude for his Son's birth and in openness to the new ways he wants to come into my life), can it be that I am already hitting that point where Christmas has lost its magic? I hope that this is primarily the result of the general slightly-overwhelmed-and-tired- most-of-the-time-ness of being a new parent. Maybe once our teaching is done at the end of next week (and we have several weeks of vacation to enjoy--my favorite perk of being a teacher!) I will feel different.

SparkPeople

2006-11-19T14:20:00.000+01:00

A friend recently sent me a link to a really good website: www.sparkpeople.com.

It's a free site for supporting people in healthy lifestyle choices--not dieting but learning to be healthy. I'm excited about this because I want to exemplify a healthy lifestyle to Anna and I have been struggling with that for the past several months.

One thing I like about this site is that they encourage you to start slowly and have small, manageable goals. So, my three goals for getting started are:

1) eat oatmeal and plain yogurt for breakfast each day (that's actually a breakfast I really enjoy, believe it or not)

2) go to my aerobics class two nights a week and try to do 15 min. of stair climbing one other day

3) tell people about my goals and my progress (thus, this blog entry)

Some might say that the week before Thanksgiving is a strange time to be making these sorts of changes, but I have learned from past experience that I need to respond to motivators when they come and not put it off. So, thanks to my friend for sending this loving nudge and I hope to "spur others on" to taking some small steps toward wellness this week.

Blessings,
Jenny

Little Foo

2006-11-05T20:58:00.000+01:00

I've been a mom now for about 7 weeks. Wow! I am having so much fun with it--which surprises me a bit because I had braced myself for it to be very stressful--and it's hard to remember what is was like before.

Anna is becoming a full-blown toddler. When we first met her, she still seemed more like a baby because she was only 17 months but looked about 12 months and was being fed in a high chair. Though we still feed her in her beloved high chair (we've taken to calling it her "throne"), she is much less baby-like in most other ways. She walks like a pro now and is mastering the stairs through daily practice up and down the many flights in the building where we live. She literally learns at least one new word per day. Some of her latest:
*weeeeee!
*apple (spoken and sign language)
*cracker (sign language and "kiki")
*meow (comes out like "naaaaah")
*hachi (this is Czech for sit down) and haji (Czech for lay down)
*shhhhhhhh! (accompanied by a finger to the lips)
*beeeeeeep (while pushing someone's nose--she learned this from grandpa Ron)

She has even said a few two-word sentences like:
*tay tay Mama (which means "Take this, Mama")
*Up Dada!
*Ne ne ham ("I don't want to eat that")
*All done! (comes out like "Allllllll duh")

Another thing she has discovered lately is her own reflection in the mirror. She is delighted by herself and loves to make funny faces and see if Mirror Anna will do the same. She seems to find herself very cute. The other day, she was looking at her reflection in a small mirror and she pushed the nose of her reflection and said, "Beeeeep!" Smart girl! :-)

We're also pleased that she has figured out the joy of reading books and often comes running up to us with one in hand saying emphatically: "A buh!", which translates to: "Look! I have a book that I want you to read to me." She spent ages this morning examining the last page of her Baby's First Bible in which little children of many ages and ethnicities are running up to Jesus ("let the little children come to me"...) We hope she comes to understand his love for her at a very early age.

One of the fun things about being a parent is making up nicknames for your child. We have many for her including:

(From the orphanage--her Czech nicknames, I'll spell them how they are pronounced):
*Ani (this is what we call her most often--it's equivalent to Annie but pronounced with a long "a")
*Ancho (another short form of Anna)
*Anichko (Aneechko)--means "little Anna"
*Andulko--similar to the word for "little Angel"
*Yablichko (Yahbleechko)--means "little Apple"

Random things we call her:
*Foo (don't ask where it came from but it has become our main silly name for her)
*the Foo
*the Foofer
*Foofy
*________ Mc Foo (as in: Cutie Mc Foo, Screamy Mc Foo... or whatever adjective seems to suit at the moment)
*Stinky Foo (when she's being naughty)
*You Fooligan! (when she's being REALLY naughty! :-)
*the Bug (Matt's favorite)
*Ani-Boo
*Anchi (my own permutation of her Czech nickname)
*Her Royal Highness when she's being bossy or vetoing our food suggestions :-)
*Little Freddie (if you have known Matt and I for very long, this probably doesn't need any explaining, however Freddy/Freddie has been our nickname for each other since before we were married. It's a long story, but we call each other that so thoroughly now that it feels really weird to use our given names with each other...)

So, there are lots of fun things about life lately. It's certainly challenging at times parenting a 20 month old who was basically parented by someone else during one of the most critical phases of development, but we've actually been amazed at how well we fit together as a family.

On another note, I have been wanting to reaffirm that motherhood is not the only facet of my life these days and I have really been enjoying teaching a few hours a week in the Certificate in Applied Theology program at the Seminary. I teach intensive English and it has been a great outlet for all the stuff I learned in my master's program. Praise God for bringing us to a place this year where both Matt and I can live out our call to teaching as well as welcome Anna into the family. We feel so blessed to be here at the Seminary.

Grandma and Grandpa

2006-10-16T17:52:00.000+02:00

My mom and dad are in Prague this week and loving their first visit with new granddaughter, Anna. It's fun to see them in that role and see the changes in my own role through their eyes.

Anna had such a good day yesterday--from the moment she woke up to the moment she went to sleep, smiling, in my arms. God has really been gracious to us and she is such a joy.

Yesterday afternoon we had a service of welcome and blessing for Anna. Several of our friends from church and TeachOverseas came and we celebrated together. People prayed beautiful prayers for her and we sang some of her favorite bedtime songs (like Alleluia and O Give Thanks, which we also sung at our wedding.) The service was almost like a wedding in that we affirmed our committment to her. We even used similar wording to our wedding vows: We will serve you with tenderness and respect and help her to become the person that God created her to be...

I hope to post pictures soon from the service. She wore a beautiful little coat dress from our family friend, Donna Clarke. Everyone commented on how cute and happy she was!

Grief and kisses

2006-10-03T11:30:00.000+02:00

I just got an email from a friend asking how the transition to motherhood is going, so here is some more reflection on that theme...

I am enjoying motherhood very much--in a lot of ways it feels more natural than I expected. I've seen some cool things come out in me that I didn't know were there...a lot of compassion and patience that is surprising at times.

The transition has been monumental but it already feels normal. She is so precious. Lately she's moved into a phase of grieving all the changes. This manifests as disproportionate frustration and irritability (more than is normal for her age) and a lot of tears around naps and going to bed at night. Last night we had to hold her while she cried for more than an hour. It's hard, but it brings out a tenderness in us that helps us get through it. It's very healthy for her to be doing this grieving, so we want to support her through it in any way we can.

We've also learned to be flexible about a lot of things, for example (in case I haven't mentioned it before), we have mastered the art of the standing diaper change because she throws such a fit if we try to lay her down on the changing table. In the end, what does it really matter, right? We know that kids are going to be distressed some of the times, but we'd rather save the tears for the really important stuff, like grieving.

She's not sad all the time, though. There are many happy moments. She's been into kissing lately and loves to plant wet, drooly, snotty kisses on our lips! :-) It's very sweet, if slightly gross. She also loves music and dancing. In church on Sunday a group of Russian students were singing a special song and right in the middle the Spirit hit her and she decided to sing along. Everybody turned around and smiled at her. She was a hit!

Her walking is getting better and better every day (she's been walking for about 4 weeks--several months behind her chronological age, but on target with her physical size, since she is about the size of a 12 month old.)

We've been pleased that she has been able to go on little outings many times a week, taking the bus to the grocery store or a park to hang out with my friend Amy and her new baby. She's even been to McDonald's a few times and loves chicken nuggets. Last night she was there with Matt and he didn't have any sippy cup for her, so he got an apple juice drink box. He didn't want to give her straight juice because we always dilute it, so he mixed it with bubbly water. They ended up playing this funny game with her making "blech!" faces every time she would take a sip. She hated the bubbles, but she loved the attention she got from her reaction. :-)

We've had an overwhelmingly loving response from people here at the Seminary and our TeachOverseas community. People have brought us food, loaned us digital camers (ours broke but we have a new one on the way with my parents in a few weeks), and showered her with love every time we're out with her. She is the darling of the Seminary these days, which is nice.
Overall, I just feel deeply blessed, despite the tiredness and the lack of time to do the things that used to be so important to me. I usually get an episode of Gilmore Girls in each day during her nap and that tides me over till the next day. :-)

Well, it's time to go start making lunch. My life has become so predictable... :-)

Mother's Dictionary

2006-09-29T21:08:00.000+02:00

Every once in a while I type in random URLs of websites that I think ought to exist just to see if they do. Tonight I tried www.jokeoftheday.com and found this:

A New Mother's Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

:-)

On being well in a house full of sick ones...

2006-09-28T14:51:00.001+02:00

This has been a busy week as I have been the healthy one at home. Anna has a little cold (which makes for impressive snot bubbles, battles over tissue, even-louder-than-normal snoring :-) and a darling scratchy baby voice) and Matt seems to have come down with the same, so I am trying to keep everything running smoothly.

I must take a moment to lament the death or coming demise of an astounding number of electronic items in our household, namely:
*our computer (completely gone)
*our digital camera (the second one this year completely gone)
*Matt's electric razor (completely gone)
*Matt's cell phone (on it's way out)
*Matt's beard trimmer (potentially dying, not sure yet...have to wait until the battery fully dies to see if it will recharge, but we're not holding out hope)
*my watch battery (died this morning, fortunately easy to replace)

All this sickness on top of the demise of so many items that we rely on for the smooth running of our lives has left us feeling like we need prayer for God's protection from spiritual attack! So, if you think of it, we'd appreciate your prayers for our family in this very full time, especially for peace, wellness, and protection.

Okay, so I need to head home and take care of my sick ones.

Love (and still in good spirits), Jenny

Sleepover at the orphanage (PHOTOS)

2006-09-21T11:19:00.000+02:00

At the orphanage in the little flat for families... Mom and Dad had to feed me in a carseat because there was no high chair. The place was fine but not really stocked with the necessities, which made for some funny stories. For example, I was in the bath, soaking wet with soapy hair before IMom realized that we had no towel and Dad was out getting dinner! So, Mommy carried a wet baby around while searching in all the cabinets and eventually finding an old tshirt to dry off with. :-)

We also had no sheets on the bed, just this wild, Hawaiian-print-esque duvets. But she did pretty well with the sleeping arrangements for the two nights that we were there. She was delighted to wake up and see our faces in the morning. "Oh! It's you!!!" :-)

My first encounter with a toothbrush was loads of fun. I brushed the floor, I brushed my hair, I brushed Daddy's leg... Of course, I haven't quite figured out brushing my teeth yet, but I'll learn one of these days!

Some of my favorite new toys and things are my Old MacDonald hand puppet book and my yellow ducky blankie (thanks Grandma Thomas!). I also love my Lamby (from my Great Grandma Joyce who bought it for me in Italy even before she had any idea I would be coming on the scene.) You can see my snuggling with Lamby my first night.

Welcome home, Anna!

2006-09-16T11:53:00.000+02:00

She's finally home!!! :-)

We brought her home yesterday amidst a shower of tears (her caretakers and her own at being in a car seat for the first time), but she is happy now and getting used to her new place. She's been soliciting a lot more cuddling and holding, which I really enjoy and am glad to give her as she gets used to everything. We have both noticed her just soaking up the extra, dedicated attention after being in an environment with 5 kids to 1 adult.

The hardest thing has been that she doesn't want to be put down to sleep (nap or at night) and just sobs and sobs, even if we lay down with her. I'm not sure if that's normal behavior for her or just a result of all the changes (since we were never at the orphanage as she was actually going to sleep.) She's also very shy with new people, but I take that as a healthy developmental sign and it seems to encourage her attachment to us.

It's been fun putting her in all the little clothes we've been gathering, although I amazed that at 18 months she can actually fit into some 6-9 month clothes. She is so tiny! One weird thing I've noticed in myself is that I am having to come to terms with the fact that she's actually going to WEAR the cute clothes and even get them dirty! :-) Evidently, that's what kids do...

She seems to be liking the cloth diapers (we got fuzzi bunz) which makes me happy. There's just a great pleasure in finally having charge of her and being able to dress her, feed her what we want (though she's pretty picky!), and be responsible for everything ourselves. It's a big responsibility, but it feels like the time has come and we're jumping in with both feet.

Matt's out doing some grocery shopping to get some foods that she will eat (she can't have milk products and doesn't like fruit, so we're kind of limited). That's another hard thing. She has been "trained" into a lot of habits (and not trained into others) that are different from how we would have raised her, so we just kind of have to take her as she is and hope that gradually we can introduce some new tastes, behaviors, and routines. This will take a lot of grace but we are enjoying the payoff with every little smile, giggle, and cuddle.

She's a precious little girl and we are so happy!

(By the way, we have lots of pictures to post soon, but a few technical difficulties as our digital camera just died, as well as our computer... :-( We're trying to line up new equipment, but it is taking some time. The timing is a real bummer! That's why our website hasn't been updated in a while...)

Visa is finally ready!

2006-09-11T13:55:00.000+02:00

Yipppeeeee!!!!

After months of waiting, I got the call today that my visa and residency permit is finally ready.

This has been the one thing holding up our bringing Anna home, so now things can finally get going. We've been so looking forward to being "real" parents and having full responsibility for our daughter, rather than just popping in for a visit in the afternoon. Plus, now that she is walking and developing in so many other wonderful ways, we don't want to miss a minute of it!

Many thanks to everyone who has been praying with us through this long ordeal. There's still bureaucratic stuff ahead (the actual court date to finalize the adoption should be in about 3-5 months) but we're through the hardest part. PRAISE GOD!!!!

P.S. In case you've noticed and been wondering, our website has not been updated in a while. This is because our beloved laptop finally bit the dust and we don't have access to the website software on our work computers. We're hoping to get that rectified soon, but in the meantime we have to wait till we can get a new computer. So, my blog will have the most updated info.

Welcome to the family, Anna!!!!

2006-09-05T14:56:00.000+02:00

It's official...

We have been fully approved to become "mom" and "dad" to our precious Anna, thanks to the favorable decision of the adoption committee connected with the Czech Ministry of Social Affairs!

We're trembling with joy and nerves and so excited to see our baby girl again after two and a half weeks of not being allowed to visit (while we waited for the decision). We've missed her terribly, but wanted to heed the wisdom of the Ministry officials that we should keep a little space until everything was decided for sure. In the meantime, we've been praying steadily and hoping, hoping, hoping for God's favor with the committee. Praise God, they agreed with us that joining our family is in her best interest!

So, what happens next?

Because my visa/residency permit is still not ready (Matt got his back in late June, but mine is still within the expected time range), we can't bring her home yet. But we are now allowed to spend as much time with her at the orphanage as we want until the visa comes, at which point, she is ours completely. :-) We don't have enough time to visit today before her bedtime, but we will rush over tomorrow right after our teaching is completed.

It may take a little time for Anna to warm up to us again since we haven't seen her in a while, but we are ready to patiently recapture her trust and love. It's an awesome and sombering responsibility, but we can't wait to begin our journey together as a family!

Thank you SO MUCH for all your prayers!!!!!

Shift in perspective

2006-08-16T09:17:00.000+02:00

A lot of people have been asking lately, "So, how are things going with the adoption?"

The short answer is that things are going "slowly".

When our translator called the Ministry of Social Affairs (the agency that has chare of Anna) on Monday, she spoke to someone else who explained that Mrs. Tobichikova is still on vacation (there isn't great communication between the Magistrate, who told us to call her Monday, and the Ministry of Social Affairs, we are learning) but that they would be happy to meet with us and answer our questions next week on Tuesday (the 22nd of August). In the meantime, the Ministry is going to send out a psychologist to evaluate Anna and make some recommendations (I assume about her readiness to be in a family setting rather than an institution).

The hard thing is that the Ministry, as is typical of all bureacracies, can't make a decision quickly; however, they did say that they will have a big department meeting on Sept. 5th (they have these regularly) and that should be when they decide for sure whether we can adopt her. On a certain level, we're holding loosely to that date because a lot of what we have been told thus far in terms of timing has proved to not be the case when the day rolls around.

The good news in all of this is that they haven't said "no" and they still seem generally positive toward the idea, though cautious about making any promises. We have continued to receive "maybe"s all the way, which is hard but leaves room for hope and trust that if God is in this, it will work out. My visa not being in yet is also a major problem as far as things moving ahead, so this actually gives us a little extra time for the visa to arrive before it is urgently needed.

Last night we were talking with a friend who, along with his wife, has adopted two children. They had 7 potential adoptions fall through (back in Canada) before one was completed. Our conversation reminded me that we have to think about this in a different way:

The ultimate goal is adoption of a baby whom God knows will be a perfect match for our family. Although we have come to love Anna and she would be our first choice, if for some reason God knows that someone else would be better for us (or us for her), then we can trust that this door closing will mean that God, in His wisdom, was guiding us to a different child. If God wants us to have Anna, then no earthly power--even bureaucracy--can stand in the way!

It helped me to think of that way, even though I would feel deeply sad if we are not able to adopt Anna. God is really trustworthy and I am already praying for protection from despair or depression if we hear some hard news in the future. The end of this story will be a wonderful child whom we have the privilege of loving forever.

So, thanks again for your prayers. Please do continue to lift up Mrs. Tobichikova at the Ministry of Social Affairs, who will be hearing about all this next week for the first time, and also pray for the psychologist's time with Anna (especially her conversations with the caretakers, who are very favorable toward us), and for our meeting with the Ministry which will hopefully happen next week to ask questions and give them the chance to see our hearts for Anna.

Please also pray for protection from depression or despair. As you may know, I struggle with seasonal depression, connected with the dark weather in the winter. The last few days have been cloudy and grey, and when the weather is like that, it becomes harder for me to keep a positive outlook. But God has been faithful and I feel like He--because of everyone's prayers--is carrying us through this time.

Visits

2006-08-12T08:01:00.000+02:00

Now that I have finally updated everyone about the legal side of what's happening, I would like to share more about the human side... :-)

When we first met Anna and decided that we wanted to adopt her, we were told that it was okay for us to visit her at the orphanage to begin getting to know her. (This is part of what gives us hope that things are going to work out because they were initially unsure and then said it would be okay to visit.)

Since we're still not 100% sure if they will allow us to adopt Anna, we haven't been visiting every day or taking advantage yet of the opportunity to stay overnight with her in the adoptive family flats (apartments) that they have at the orphanage, but we have been going about 3 times per week to play with her, get to know her environment and routine, and help her become more comfortable with us.

You may be wondering if this is wise, given that it might not be possible to adopt her. Well, here is the reasoning behind our decision. To begin, when we first were told we could visit her, we were also told that there was a good chance we would be able to take her home about a week later (things have changed a bit since then, for various reasons...) So, our initial thinking was that we should take advantage of that time for us and for her to become more comfortable with each other before we spent some intensive time together and brought her home.

Once we were told that things were going to be more complicated and would take longer, we debated whether to keep visiting. Through lots of prayer and discussion, we realized that pretty much from the moment we decided to adopt her, the day after we met her, our hearts were already "hooked". So, if they said "no" in the end, we would grieve whether or not we visited her in the meantime. Additionally, from Anna's perspective, there is a volunteer who comes regularly to spend time with her, so we thought we could sort of think of ourselves as in the same category as that volunteer: caring people who come to see her on a regular basis.

Visiting has been a blessing for us and, we hope, for Anna too. The first time we came, she seemed to sense the high expectations in the room (the caretakers were coaxing her to come to us) and it was all a little overwhelming. She cried for the first 10 minutes or so and was clingy to the caretaker, but then she began warming up to us as we took it slowly. We were able to take her out for a trip around the grounds in her stroller and by the end of the afternoon, she was happily playing with us and even cried when we went home.

As a sidenote, the uncertainty and shyness that Anna felt towards us the first time is actually a very developmentally-appropriate and healthy sign. If she didn't distinguish between known, safe people and strangers, that would be something to be concerned about because it would mean that she doesn't have a strong attachment to her caretakers. So, the fact that she took some time to warm up bodes well for her ability to attach to us securely as her parents in the future.

On each subsequent visit, Anna cried a little less until by the third or fourth time, she greeted us with a delighted smile of recognition. She has warmed up to us beautifully and seems to soak up the one-on-one attention she gets when we are around (that is a big part of why the orphanage encourages special volunteers for each of the children.) The orphanage workers have let us be involved in feeding her dinner (which she LOVES! she is big into eating... :-), giving her a bath (another highlight of her day), and putting her to bed at night (which means about 6pm :-).

Anna has a precious, sweet disposition and in not easily phased by the dynamics of living with 4 other toddlers who often grab and push. We've been amused several times to watch her mimic the caretakers and wag her tiny finger at the other babies saying "Ti, ti, ti!" (the equivalent of "You naughty child!") But then she smiles and goes on with her playing.

One fun thing is that she is just on the verge of walking on her own. She can toddle around the room while holding on to furniture and wobbles about with an adult finger to support her. If I sit on the ground and hold out my arms to her, she will let go of the furniture and rush whole-heartedly into my arms (taking a few wobbly steps on her own on the way) with a sweet grunt of delight. :-) It's one of her favorite games and she will do it again and again.

The other day I was able to spend some time visiting on my own (while Matt got some work done.) This was a special time because the dynamic was quite different. Not only was it just me with Anna, but the caretaker took the other four kids from Anna's group to another room to watch a tv show and let us spend some time just the two of us. It was fascinating to see how different she was without the wild atmosphere of lots of kids around. She was a lot more calm and willing to sit on my lap, be held as we walked around the room, and just be quiet together and take each other in. I really enjoyed that time and was touched by how much these kids seem to long for special attention.

Matt put it well as we reflected on that time... It's as though these kids live in perpetual day care. Even though its generally a very good day care (except for the food they feed them.. i.e. jelly donuts for dinner!), it's still not a family where each kid gets extensive one-on-one attention. We wish we could help ALL of these kids find homes! But most of all, we hope that we can provide a lovingly family for Anna. We are falling in love with her--plain and simple--and we just long for the news that she can be ours forever.

Waiting and trusting

2006-08-12T07:36:00.000+02:00

First, my apologies that it has been a while since I last wrote. We have been in work mode this week, trying to bank up some hours at the seminary so that if we have to work a little less around the time the baby comes home we'll have a good foundation of work done in advance. (At the moment, work is mostly editing articles and a book that the seminary hopes to publish this year, plus getting our offices set up and beginning to plan lessons for the English program, which begins in early September.)

So, what is happening with the baby?

The short answer: We are still waiting for a 100% yes from the state to say that we can adopt Anna. We are hoping and praying hard that that answer will come early next week. Last Tuesday, our translator (Mirka) called the Magistrate and was able to speak with Mrs. Hessova--the head hauncho as far as our case goes. She was just back from vacation and getting all the news of what had been happening while she was gone. This was the woman we had been told we would have to convince that our adopting Anna was the best scenario. She seemed to still be trying to get her head around it (Anna is older than what we had told them we wanted and has Turner's Syndrome, which seems to baffle them because most Czech families are not interested in adopting babies with health conditions like hers. Also, we had said that we wanted a generally healthy baby--because were envisioning emergency or dangerous conditions like AIDS, severe drug addiction etc.)

Anyway, in the end she agreed to forward our file on to the Ministry (of Social Affairs? we think...) which has direct authority over Anna's case because Anna had been moved to the status of being available for international adoption. What we have been told (though things change frequently...) is that if Mrs. Tobichikova at the Ministry agrees that we are suitable parents for Anna, Anna will be moved back to domestic adoption status--in other words, the responsibility for her will be returned to Mrs. Hessova at the Magistrate. This is good because it means we can adopt her through the original process we have been working through (as legal Czech residents.)

One urgent prayer request in the meantime is this:

I (Jenny) need to receive my visa/residency permit for this year in the VERY NEAR FUTURE because everything will be on hold in terms of brining her home if I don't have it in hand. Please pray that it comes through ASAP (like, Monday, August 13th, would be fantastic!) but any time soon would be great.
Once the visa is ready, I will hop on a train for a quick day trip to Dresden, Germany, to pick it up (I love Dresden, so this is something I'm looking forward to... :-)

We are supposed to call Mrs. Tobichikova at the Ministry on Monday, at which point she should have had time to receive and look over our file. Please pray for that phone call and the in person meeting which we are hoping will ensue from it:

Pray that if this is God's will, she will see our committment and love for Anna and want to do everything in her power to help Anna become part of our family.
Pray that the visa will not be an issue in terms of things moving ahead in our being approved (we really should only need the visa in hand at the point that we take Anna home from the orphanage--pray that they don't make an issue of it before that point and can do the other paperwork that needs to happen in the meantime)
Pray that we have patience and grace as we are waiting--please pray against frustration and despair and for God's deep peace

In the last week, we have been actively seeking God about this because it is a difficult time--the waiting, the uncertainty, the challenge of getting acurate information about what's happening. Although we know there is still a chance that the authorities will decide we are not the right parents for Anna or there is some legal barrier to us adopting her, we are waiting with faith on God in trust that if this is right (which we believe it is), He can bring it all together. Our sense from God has been that He is in this and is going to bring it about. We have felt a surprising and encouraging peace in the midst of this time--a truly supernatural gift from God!

Please join us in our prayer of faith that God is able to do even more than we could ever ask or imagine!

Holding Pattern

2006-08-06T23:57:00.000+02:00

First, although I risk you not coming back here to actually read this update, I have to direct you to our recently-added online photo album of our first real visit with Anna. (You can always find pictures, news, etc. at our website: www.thomasfamilyweb.net.)

For the past week, we have had the pleasure and delight of visiting Anna several times to get to know her better. At the moment, the status of things is that we have been given permission to visit, but have not been given the final 100% yes about adopting her. As best we can tell (information is limited and received via translators), this is because there are one or maybe two(?) people who have direct responsibility over her case who are on vacation and won't be back until August 7th or 8th. So, we are waiting to talk with them and hopefully to convince them that joining our family is in her best interest. The normal process is that the adoption officials would find a child for us and present her to us, but the way it happened with Anna was a happy accident. We met her by chance while visiting the orphanage and fell in love immediately. So, we're ruffling a few feathers by taking this unusual route...

The bureaucratic hurdles and lack of complete certaintly have made it hard to simply enjoy our time together with her, yet we wait with trust in God's wisdom and power to bring about whatever He knows is best. We feel on a very deep level that this is right and are praying daily that God would bring everything together so that she can join our family forever. Despite the difficulties, we are finding moments of great joy because of the delightful little person that Anna is. This past week we have enjoyed:

seeing her warm up to us (the first few times she cried when we arrived--a healthy sign because it shows she can distinguish between known and unknown people, some kids in orphanages exhibit "indiscriminate friendliness" which is actually a dangerous trait because it shows a lack of ability to attach to close caregivers above others)
no tears today when we arrived--just a big smile, obvious pleasure at our presence, and cooes of recognition :-)
taking her on walks around the grounds of the orphanage
playing on the swing together and singing "Rain, Rain, Go Away..." (she started mimicking the tune and trying to sing along with us :-)
watching her try to take her first wobbly steps
the immense pleasure she gets out of eating dinner--which we have been feeding her (as part of helping her get more used to us taking care of her)
learning her bath time routines (how many grown adults does it take to get footy pajamas on a baby? :-)
her adorable gestures like great big laughing smiles, blowing kisses, nodding her head while saying, "Yo, yo, yo!" (something like, "Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh" in Czech), and scolding the other babies when they do something naughty (she mimicks the caretakers and shakes her finger at them :-)
her precious intermittent thumb-sucking
her beautiful, curly brown hair and pretty brown eyes
the endearing raspiness of her little voice (the kids seem to pass colds around to each other constantly)

So, while we feel like we are in a holding pattern on the bureaucratic side of things, we feel very, very blessed to be spending time with her and pray that God will allow us the privilege of being her family forever.

Right now, there are some major things that need prayer:

for my (Jenny's) visa to come through THIS WEEK--without it, everything is on hold because we need to have legal status in the Czech Republic to complete the adoption (praise God, Matt's visa came through back in late June--a real miracle!)
for favor with a woman named Mrs. Hessova, whom we need to convince that our adopting Anna is the best thing for her and that we are ready to face her special medical needs
for the meeting that we hope to have this week with Mrs. Hessova and whomever else will need to sign off on the adoption
for peace and trust as we wait through the uncertainty (this is really hard...)
for our time with Anna in the coming days and weeks, for growing trust, love, and tender hearts toward each other--that she would feel deeply loved and honored

Thank you everyone who has been praying and sending words of encouragement. We really feel it!

First Meeting Today

2006-07-31T08:07:00.001+02:00

Today we are going for our first real meeting with Anna.

We are scheduled to meet our translator at the orphanage at 2 pm. She needs to be with us this time so that they can tell us about the protocol for spending time with the baby (they have ways of helping to aid the bonding process and also training us in her care.)

We are excited and nervous and already exhausted! It's been hard to sleep (especially for me) with everything that is going on.

Last night we had a fun little adventure. We borrowed a friend's car (our first time driving in Prague) and trekked out to Ikea and a Czech furniture store called Sconto (basically the Czech version of Ikea.) We bought a little rocking chair and a 3 drawer dresser, which will double as a changing table. It was fun because the Czech saleswoman at Sconto didn't speak any English, so we ended up communicating in broken German. :-) Not exactly part of my dream of how setting up our first baby room would come together...

Since we had the car, we also stopped at Tesco (huge, British mega store which we love) to buy groceries in bulk (definitely a first!) We have 24 boxes of milk in the cupboard now, which makes Matt tremendously happy. He's really into that kind of thing.

When we got home, Matt set up the rocking chair and we began with the dresser, but it was pretty complicated so we decided to wait unitl morning and try to borrow some tools from a friend (especially a power drill!) It was really fun to sit on the floor of the "Baby Office" and look around and realize "This is it!" This is the final push preparation that we have been building toward for so long. The circumstances are so different than what I ever would have though, yet it just feels beautifully right.

Praise God!

Baby Update

2006-07-30T18:12:00.000+02:00

Well, the last few days have certainly been a roller coaster!

Here's a simplified update on what's happening:

Because Anna had been made eligible for international adoption, the process is more complicated than we had initially thought.
Since we have legal visa and residency status in the Czech Republic, they can move her back to domestic adoption status and allow us to adopt her, but this will take a little time and needs to be approved by a new person (from a different government ministry) who is currently out of town.
We have a meeting with that woman on August 8th.
In the meantime, we have been given the go-ahead to begin visiting her at the orphanage.
We will be spending the afternoons (and perhaps evenings) this week over there, getting to know her and observing (and eventually participating in) her routine, in order to prepare us and her for the transition to our home.
We may be able to bring her home as early as next week, although that may take longer.

At the moment, we're trying to find access to a vehicle so that we can use the time we have this weekend to buy some last few things we need for the baby room (a dresser, which will serve as a changing table, and a rocking chair.) We hope to get the room all set up this coming week.

We received a long-awaited package in the mail today of baby clothes that I ordered on ebay in mid-May. We thought it was a lost cause, but it's finally here and actually has a lot of little outfits that should work for her. So, we don't have as much of a need for older toddler baby clothes (which I had listed on our website.) That was a good thing. (I love all the tiny clothes! :-)

Well, enough updating for now. Please be praying for us. This has been an emotionally intense time (with less sleep than we would prefer!) and we're feeling pretty tired. But also deeply happy and hopeful. Praise God for this unexpected blessing!

Is it you, Little One?

2006-07-28T06:27:00.000+02:00

Yesterday, on Matt's 36th birthday, we met a little girl whom we think just might be our daughter. :-)

We made our second visit to the baby orphanage in Prague on July 27, 2006. Not sure of what exactly we would do or find on that visit, we set up a time with our translator and the orphanage staff, mainly because the first time we came, it was late in the day and most of the babies were already sleeping. We arrived at 10 in the morning--a safe bet for finding them awake this time. :-)

On our previous visit, we had felt drawn to a little girl, Sara, who turned out to be unavailable for adoption because she is Slovak and needs to be returned to Slovakia. However, Sara touched our hearts and her age--15 months--led us to be a little bit more open than before to an older baby (we had been saying up to 6 months, maybe 1 year.)

This time, the orphanage staff informed us that there were really no small girls who were eligible for adoption, but they did have two older girls (about 2 years old.) We felt unsure, but agree to meet them and keep an open mind. We met the first little girl, Lenka, who was a precious 2 year old who lovingly cares for the smaller babies in her group (like a little "mommy.") Although our hearts went out to her, we didn't feel a peace about it.

After some more discussion, they brought us to meet another 2 year old--Monika. From the moment we walked in the room, it was as though Monika could sense that we were there to see her--and she didn't like it! Her body language was sending very strong signals of discomfort, even fear, and we quickly realized it didn't feel right to us either. However, there was another little one in the room who grabbed our attention immediately. Smiling and babbling in the high chair as her caretaker fed her vegetable soup, this darling little baby looked a bit younger than the other toddlers at the table. She was also one of the only ones in the room who made eye contact and even responded to our "ahoj" (hi!) greetings. She had real spunk and both of us felt a connection immediately. So, we decided to ask (assuming she must not be legally available or they would have mentioned her to us.)

To our amazement, we found out two very exciting things:

1. She was 100% available for adoption (even international adoption--which is rare for Czech kids because it means no suitable family could be found here in the Czech Republic)

2. Her name is Anna! (this is the name that we have been hoping since last summer to give to this baby :-)

Anna, who is 17 months old, has not been adopted for two main reasons. First, she is Roma, which means that most Czech families are not interested. (The Roma are a prominent minority in the Czech Republic who experience a great deal of prejudice and discrimination.) Second, she has something called Turner's Syndrome, a chromosomal condition which, while not as serious as many problems a child could have, requires parents who are committed to facing medical issues with her for the long haul. The orphanage workers had assumed we would not be interested because of these problems, however, we found ourselves drawn to her and surprisingly undaunted.

It was important to us to learn more about her condition and the prognosis before making any decision, so we sat down for a long talk with her doctor (who happens to be the mother of one of Jenny's former students, who was there that day too! Go figure!) and her social worker. Her life story is not easy, but we found nothing there that we felt unable to face, with God's grace.

So, after a lot of information gathering, we headed home to study more about Turner's Syndrome on the internet, call our families, and do a lot of praying. That's the phase we're still in as a write. We will have a meeting this morning with the Magistrate (hopefully) to talk more and there is a good chance that we will go back to the orphanage this weekend to spend more time with her--hopefully to bring her home some time next week, if everything goes well.

Please be praying for us during this time of major excitement, nerves, joy, lack of sleep, and the beginnings of bonding with this precious little person who we hope might be with us for the rest of our lives. As soon as possible, we will put up some photos on the website so that you all can get to know her a bit, too!

****************************************************

Read more about our adoption story on our online adoption journal here.

Or find our new contact info and Baby Wish List (with an older baby, there are some different needs from what we had initially been preparing for) at the Keeping in Touch page of our website.

Unexpected Preparations

2006-07-26T20:51:00.000+02:00

One of the most interesting things that I have been doing to get ready for this baby may come as a great surprise to many. I'm in the process of inducing lactation so that we can enjoy the bonding and health benefits of breastfeeding.

If this weirds you out, feel free to ignore the rest of this post (no offense taken...)

I learned about the possibility of adoptive breastfeeding last summer at the zenith of my "research-everything-about-adoption" phase. As I learned, women have been nursing babies not born to them (as wet nurses, in times of emergency, when a mother dies etc.) for milenia and its not actually so difficult.

What this has meant for me is taking some special medications and herbs which boost milk supply and pumping about 5 or 6 times per day. I am in email contact with a woman named Elizabeth Hormann, an International Board Certified Lactatioin Consultant, who happens to be a world-renowned expert on adoptive breastfeeding and relactation, and she referred me to a wonderful doctor here in Prague who is walking me through the process.

The coolest part of this all is that I can see it gradually working, and that helps me feel like I'm doing something very concrete to prepare for the baby coming. I'm finally making real milk and the milk supply just seems to grow each day. Yippee!!

So, why am I sharing this with you? During my recent trip to California, I realized that the whole topic of breastfeeding is a little bit taboo with many Americans. I guess this sadenned me because I think it is such an amazing gift from God to mothers and babies and I don't think it is anything we should feel weird talking about. I hope my sharing this will help get the word out to other adoptive moms that they can bless their babies in this special way. So, if you're reading this and you know any prospective moms out there: please, let them know!

Here are some great websites where people can find more information:

One of the things that I will need to carry me through this rather challenging journey is a lot of support and encouragement from friends who understand why I am doing this. So, if you feel like sharing a loving word of blessing for this process, don't be shy! :-)

Long time coming...

2006-07-26T11:30:00.000+02:00

Okay, so not THE NEWS yet, but a lot has been happening that is worth telling about.

We are back in Prague and in our new flat, after what turned out to be 3+ weeks in California. This time involved:

going to Sarah's wedding (my lovely sister--see photo above)
sorting through a lot of our stuff at my parents' house and having a garage sale
eating lots of Rubios burritos and fish tacos (and Taco Bell cruch wraps--guilty pleasure!)
hanging out with wonderful friends
a few Costco trips and a lot more Target trips
being able to attend the first 4 days of TeachOverseas.org (ESI) training to meet our new team members for the coming year in the Czech Republic

With no news about baby, we decided to extend our trip a little longer than the two and a half weeks we had originally planned. Those last days at training were great and we're glad we got to spend some time with the new team. Hopefully, that will help us feel more connected this year.

So, what's the latest with Baby Thomas? We were able to visit the orphanage on June 27th, which was a really cool experience. Unfortunately, it was late in the day, so most of the kids were already asleep (they put them to bed at 5:30.... (?)) At that point, they didn't have any little girls in the age range we requested who were available to be adopted, so it was just a "get to know the place" kind of visit.

This particular orphanage is really incredible. The staff seem warm and attentive and the place itself is this amazing old mansion up on a hill. It seems like the babies get very good care--which helps us relax a lot. The good news is, we have another appointment to visit tomorrow morning (Matt's birthday!--July 27th) when the babies will be awake. We continue to pray for God's hand in finding the perfect match for us in the perfect timing.

My next post will be about our new flat, however I have some oatmeal getting cold on the table, so I had better go for now. Our VONAGE phone is up and working, though, (go Matt, Tech Wiz!) and so we're expecting lots of phone calls from everyone in the near future... (909 758-8497). We are 9 hours ahead of Pacific Time. :-)

Also, please note our new mailing address:

Matt and Jenny Thomas
International Baptist Theological Seminary
Nad Habrovkou 3
Praha 6 Jeneralka 164 00
Czech Republic

You can find out more about the best way to send packages and other fun stuff at our Keeping in Touch page: http://www.thomasfamilyweb.net/keepintouch.htm.

Cool news (although not yet "THE news")

2006-06-23T11:35:00.000+02:00

We have had a few cool things happen lately that we are praising God for:

We are moving this weekend to a new two-bedroom (answer to prayer!) flat at the Baptist Seminary. This flat will be free of charge because of our ministry there in the coming year.

This coming Tuesday, June 27th, we will get to visit the baby orphanage in Prague--the place where our daughter will likely come from, although there is no guarantee of that. While there, we will get to see what it is like and ask lots of questions of the head doctor.

Because there is no baby yet, we get to go to California for my sister's wedding (yippeee!), seeing dear friends, and a whole lot of shopping to stock up for next year! We will be in California from June 28th- July 15th, unless we get "the call," in which case our plane tickets are changeable so we can come back early.

Matt's visa is ready!!!! This is incredible news because they told us it would take a minimum of 2-4 months and it only took 4 weeks! HUGE ANSWER TO PRAYER!

Our wonderful TeachOverseas.org community here in the Czech Republic suprised us with an awesome baby shower, complete with a beautiful basket full of goodies, lovingly compiled and decorated by our very-gifted friend, Amy Smith.

Our digital camera broke (perfect timing--weddings and babies ahead!) but we were able to find the same one on ebay for a great price

We have bought a family season pass to the Prague zoo--which is a fantastic zoo and which we hope to visit many times with the baby!

So, lots of good, though stressful, things... Thanks so much to everyone who is praying and encouraging us in this process.

Musings on Change and Fuzzi Bunz

2006-06-15T09:26:00.000+02:00

When I was younger, I really hated change. In recent years, I thought maybe I was over my aversion. After all, change often brings new things that we have been hoping and waiting for for a long time--like babies, new jobs, new places to live and other adventures. In that last few weeks, though, I have been reminded that change is still very painful, especially when a lot of major changes happen in the span of a month or two (the above list, for example)!

Some good news:

a specific flat (apartment) has been designated for us at the Seminary and it is in the building we had hoped for and has 2 bedrooms (for a while it looked like only 1 bedroom flats would be available)
not having the baby yet means I have been able to work during June which means no lost income for the month
the sun has officially returned to Prague and we don't have to wear coats anymore :-)
we had a great time babysitting our little friend, Nehemiah (almost 3 years old) last weekend--good preparation for what's ahead!
we decided to buy cloth diapers, which I'm actually really excited about because they are Fuzzi Bunz new high-tech cloth diapers of the future :-)
it looks like we will probably be able to go to California for Sarah's wedding (yippeee!!!)

The Insider Perspective

2006-06-05T08:55:00.000+02:00

So, last night we had a helpful phone call about the adoption which put a lot of things into perspective.

We had heard about a woman named Marie who is a Czech Christian trained as a psychologist at Wheaton College (in the States.) She works at an orphanage in Ostrava, which is in the eastern part of the Czech Repulic, and she is friends with many of the ESI teachers out there.

We called Marie last night because we had heard that she helped another couple to be matched wtih a little boy from her orphanage and that the couple had felt so supported by her and knew she had really loved and prayed for their little boy.

Marie was wonderful and really helpful. Unfortunately, it's not as simple as having her just find us a baby girl in her orphanage. She explained the system to us much more comprehensively than anyone has up to this point. Evidently, we need to wait for the Prague process to run its course first because the babies from other regions only become available nationwide after three families have been offered them and chosen not to adopt them. Marie also said that we are still relatively early in the process and she felt very sure they would find a baby for us in Prague within a few months at the longest. However, she encouraged us to keep in touch and feel free to ask her any questions along the way.

It was deeply encouraging to hear from someone who really understands the process that there is nothing to be concerned about and we're on the path toward having the baby soon. She also gave some wise advice about health issues in the children and how to be sure we know exactly what health problems our baby may have.

Thank you God for an ally and a source of much-longed-for information!

Where are you baby? Part II

2006-06-02T10:28:00.000+02:00

For weeks when we have been asked the question, "So, have you heard anything yet?" we've been saying, "No... We told them we wouldn't be free until June 1st, so we won't hear anything till then." Of course all this time we had been hoping that June 1st would roll around and we would get the good news very soon: "Great! She's all ready. Come and get her!"

Now June 1st has come and gone and we do have some news, but not the news we had hoped to hear.

Earlier this week, we sent an email to the Magistrate to let them know that we would be finished with our most pressing work responsibilities as of Monday June 5th and available to receive the baby from then on. The polite and prompt reply came back the next day via our translator. "Please tell them we know they are eager but we haven't yet found a baby for them. We are continuing to search and hope it will be soon."

Bummer!

The hardest thing for me about the way adoption happens (at least here in the Czech Republic) is the lack of concrete information and a sense of timing (i.e. "Are we talking next week or six months from now?" "Hmm.... No idea."). I battle feelings of powerlessness and being at the whim of bureaucrats I can't even speak with directly about something so deeply important to us. It's not that I think it won't happen. I know it will (see note on platitudes below) but it is simply hard having so much uncertainty.

For example, I have no idea when my last day of work will be. That means any lesson with a particular group (whom I see just once a week) could be the last one, so it is hard to know how and when to say goodbye. (I have already talked to my school and will stop working once we get "the call.")

Last night, Matt was gracious enough to help me do something constructive with these frustrated feelings by moving around our furniture configuration in our bedroom in order to put the crib where we want it. We decided we might as well get it ready now because it is something concrete we can do to be more prepared and it will also help us get used to the new arrangement so that there won't be too many changes all at once.

A FINAL NOTE ON PLATITUDES
Thank you to everyone for praying and listening and caring. If you have ever been in a frustrating time and shared about your feelings with other Christians, you may be able to relate to the feeling of just wanting to be heard and affirmed. So, with genuine gratitude for the kind-hearted intentions behind this common Christian practice, I give all our dear friends and family permission *not to* respond to my current feelings with statements such as, "God is in control" and "Everything will come together in God's perfect timing." :-)

Some potentially more helpful responses would be something like:

"I can imagine it must be really hard to wait."
"How can we be praying for her and for you right now?"
"What are you looking forward to about being a new mom/dad?"
"What will you miss about your life before parenting?"

P.S. Of course, I have found in the past that every time I have posted something about the adoption up on this blog, we seem to receive new information that the exact opposite scenario of what I just reported has now become the likely new scenario. So maybe when I hit that magic little "Publish Post" button here in a second, I will hear my phone ring... :-)

Life's Leaving Exams

2006-05-22T15:44:00.000+02:00

This week I am sitting with my two beloved groups of seniors through the torture that is their Senior Leaving Examination (Maturita.) The last four years have built to this--one hour of oral exams for which they have to prepare 100 different topics from fields like Czech language and literature, English, German, Spanish, Chemistry, Biology...

It's amazing how so much study can come down to one morning of your life when a committee of people more or less decide your value as a scholar. But not your value as a human being.

A few days ago, I sent a heartfelt letter via email to all my senior students (see the next blog entry below). In it, I shared about my journey of teaching them in the last three years and my gratitude for the ways they stretched me and the experiences we shared. I mentioned favorite memories of them and finished with some life advice from my own experience. Cheesy, perhaps, but it was very sincere. I sent it off, wondering if they would simply brush it aside, or actually be touched by the words.

Yesterday morning before church, I received this reply from Veronika (in the center of the picture above):

"Dear Mrs. Thomas,

I´m really sorry that I´m answering You so late, but I´ve read Your e-mail just before a moment. You´re right when You say that this week is crazy. It is VERY, VERY, VERY CRAZY!!! I have to still study a lot, but when I read Your message, I MUST answer You. I have never received such a beatiful email.... So, I would like to say You a lot, but I don´t know how to explain in Czech, so in English it´s harder :-) When I was in first year I wasn´t content with our English teacher. Lessons were sometimes boring and I think I didn´t learn a lot. When I was in the second year, You started to teach us. I remember when I firstly heard about new English teacher I was really excited. "Wow, my English lessons will be lead by an American teacher, it will be great!!" I was really looking forward to our first lesson. And it wasn´t great, it was WONDERFUL!!!!!! And not just the first one, but all lessons during that three years. It´s true that sometimes I was a little bit tired, especially in Friday when we had two lessons and I wasn´t so active. But You always suprised us when You said: "Let´s relax, watch some movie, it´s Friday"... I was so grateful to You!

Your lessons were fun for me. I am very interested in American culture, much more that in the British, so I liked listening You teaching us about NY, American festivals or parades. I really loved it. Also vocabulary was a horror for me in the past, but I liked when You taught me that. I remember the words like "5-o´clock shadow"-I told about this word to all members of my family, I didn´t know that before :-)

Now, after three years with You, I can say that You really taught me a lot of English language. Especially to understand. Now I can watch some TV program inenglish and I know almost all of the words!!! I am so excited!!! I would like to thank You so much for it, because I believe that the good knowing of foreign language is much more important that anything else. I will be really glad when we will be in touch. I will never forget You and Your awsome lessons....

Well, now I have to return to studing, I´m SO afraid of Monday morning when my leaving exam is happening. I hope I won´t disappoint You......Thank You so much

Enjoy all moments of Your life
Veronika Vaňousová"

Now, who said teaching was a thankless job? When I read this email I thought, "I have had my own leaving exam as their teacher and I have passed." Praise God for the ways he grows us all and the moments when we can see that he is touching others through us.

Letter to my Graduating Seniors

2006-05-22T14:57:00.000+02:00

May 9, 2006

Dear 4D,

It's hard for me to believe that I won’t be having any more lessons with you after what feels like such a long time. I walked away from our last class feeling a heaviness in my heart and wishing that I could have said more…communicated better what a privilege and blessing it has been for me to spend this time with you over the last three years.

So, if you'll let me take another five minutes of your time during your crazy study week, I would like to add a few more thoughts to what I've already said. I've always been a person who feels like I communicate myself better through writing than speaking. It was a busy time in our last lesson and, truthfully, I felt a little bit shy. So, here is my second chance…

First, I want you to know that I really meant everything I said to you in the little notes that I wrote. Each one of you has a special place in my heart and it was a joy for me to tell you more personally what I love and will miss about you. I hope others in your life also share with you their praise and thanks, but even if they don't, I wanted you to have it at least from me.

You are a special group of young people and it has been so much fun for me to get to know you better. I remember the first time I met you—a quiet but enthusiastic group who would be "all mine," unlike most of the groups I taught whom I saw only once a week. It felt like a big responsibility and I was afraid I might not give you everything you needed. In fact, my first year of teaching was a pretty scary time for me! You made it worthwhile and you helped me to feel welcome and appreciated at the school. Thank you for that.

I have fun memories of some of the skits you acted for me, the funny stories you wrote, our joint frustration over confusing grammar (you did okay in the end!), your creativity, your smiles, your laughter… If you ask my husband, he'll tell you how fondly I have always spoken of my time with your class. I will never forget you.

When I think about you graduating and moving on, there are so many things I want to tell you. Most of all, I encourage you to live in and enjoy the present moment and not worry too much about the future. Be honest, faithful, and real in love and know that mutual commitment with someone for a lifetime is a special gift that gives back to you more than you give.(It's also a lot of hard work, but worth every bit!) Don't worry about pleasing people—do what you know is right. But also truly listen to the important people in your life, with an open heart and open mind. Have a heart of compassion for others and be patient and slow to judge people. Be sensitive to your inner heart and don't ignore the breath of God inside you. Whether you believe it or not, I know God's deep love for each one of you. I hope some day you will know it too.

I will miss you, but I will continue to pray for each of you, as I have for the last three years.

Many blessings,
Jenny Thomas

June Baby... Maybe?

2006-04-27T14:24:00.000+02:00

Today we met with the Magistrate--the top official who heads the adoption system in Prague--and got some new, surprising info.

The short version is: we may meet and bring our daughter home as soon as early June.

For anyone who is interested in the details, here's the scoop. Because we've finished with the adoption training, there are no more hoops to jump through. Today the Magistrate asked us some final questions about what kind of child we are hoping for. Our answer

a girl
no older than 1 year, but preferably younger than 6 months (2 months is the minimum adoptable age for babies because they have to have no contact from the mother for 6 weeks before they are available)
Roma or other minority ethnicity (could be Roma, Vietnamese, Africa/Czech or some combination thereof...)
no major, non-correctable health problems

These parameters will be entered into their database and we will be matched with available babies. Almost everyone we've talked to has said that once they were in the database, they had a call to come meet their baby within weeks. We've told the Magistrate that we won't be ready before June 1st, because both of us have teaching committments to that time. I actually am contracted to teach through the end of June, but June is a less important month than May, so if I have to take maternity leave, it's probably okay in June.

So, the next steps are to talk to my school and give them the heads up, buy some last minute baby supplies so we'll be ready (although we have a lot, we still need some items like a high chair, diapers, formula etc.), and check with the Baptist Seminary about when will make sense to move on campus.

One surprising thing was that the Magistrate didn't seem overly worried about checking that we have a new valid visa for the coming school year. We are hoping that will prove not to be an issue and that we can get the baby while the visa is still in process. That would be a huge answer to prayer because we have been very worried that the visa would hold everything up.

How are we feeling about all this?, you might ask.... I think we're still a little bit shocked. I've lost the sense of imminent reality about it which I had about a month ago when I was feeling terribly ready to "just get started already!" The visa setbacks discouraged me quite a bit and I think I shut down the part of myself that was feeling ready, or rather put it on hold for a while. So now I'm going to have to build up that sense again in the next month or so. I think that will be plenty of time.

Matt seems excited--in his slightly muted, Matt way. He's more patient with all the changes and uncertainty than I am. We were both pleased today to learn that we will be able to visit the baby home in the next few weeks to see what it's like. He's especially looking forward to that and I think it will make it more real to him.

Well, that's our latest. Feel free to email or call (or post comments here) for more details. We love hearing from you guys!

We're all trained up--evidently

2006-04-21T12:44:00.000+02:00

So, on Wednesday (the 19th of April), we attended our first and evidently last training session for the adoption. This type of training has become a common requirement for adoptions worldwide, which is a good step because there are a lot of things that adoptive parents need help being prepared for. For example:

potential developmental delays that kids who have lived in institutional care often have
tips about the process of attaching in a relationship with a child who was not born to you
building trust and helping children adapt to a new environment
how to deal with the grief and loss that children (and parents) experience in adoption in healthy ways
honoring your child's history and cultural background, instilling a health sense of identity
and lots more things that are good to think about it advance

In March and April, we took an online course about these and other topics, which was produced by the state of Illinois. It was really helpful and we hoped the Czech authorities would accept it in place of having to attend the Czech training sessions.

On Wednesday we went to the first Czech training session, just to cover our bases. We were able to talk with the Magistrate--the woman in charge of our case--and show her our certificate from the online course. She said it would be fine and all we need to do is come in and meet with her for about an hour to go over some additional details.

We were excited to hear this news because it potentially puts us closer to "B-Day" (being "Baby Day.") Things are still a little up in the air, but this is a good step.

How to be praying:

for this one hour meeting with the Magistrate, that we'll get a clearer sense of what comes next and what to expect in terms of timing of being matched to a child
for wisdom about timing (because we will be moving to a new flat at the end of June, around the time of my sister's wedding in California, we aren't sure if the baby might come before that or not--it could be tricky, but we'd love to meet the baby as soon as possible)
for our first meeting with our child and for God's grace in the process of attachment and coming to love and trust each other
for the American immigration process she'll have to go through (all the paperwork to make her a citizen and help her be able to move back with us when the time comes)
for peace as we wait and attention to the things we're still involved in (teaching, relationships, etc.), to stay focused on "the now"

Some useful info from a bureaucrat? Wow!

2006-04-07T08:05:00.000+02:00

Some good news, at last! Well, at least useful news.

This morning my colleague was able to help us speak with the Magistrate's office and we learned that we can definitely go to California for my sister's wedding because we won't be able to meet the baby until after our adoption training course is finished (which will probably be at least 3-4 more months, meaning August or September at the earliest.)

We had wondered if they might wait till the course was over to call us, since all the Czech applicants who are at our stage in the process will have to complete the course, so our file is probably in the batch with them. The latest we had heard is that we might not have to do the Czech training course (we're taking one online in English from an American adoption agency), but we'll have to go to the first session on April 19th to find out more details because we haven't been able to get a straight answer.

At this point, even if we have to take the course in Czech (with a translator), or don't have to go to every session but have to wait until it's over, that will be okay with me. The disadvantages of that new reality:

We don't get to meet our baby as soon (it might not be till August or later)
We might have to pay a translator for 10 sessions

However, the advantages are actually pretty cool:

I had already reconciled myself to August or later because it looks like our new visas won't be ready till then anyway
This means we can go to Sarah's wedding without any worries
We can also spend several weeks in California, seeing friends and family, meeting the new ESI teachers at training (for the first week), and stocking up on some things for next year

So, overall, this is good news. And from a bureaucrat, no less! :-)

By the way... The photo in the post has absolutely nothing to do with the adoption, but it is from a recent trip we took together for our church retreat in the interesting town of Kutna Hora.

Pressed down, but not destroyed...

2006-04-06T09:40:00.000+02:00

In the last few days, we've had some discouraging news and I've been feeling a mix of sadness, frustration, and confusion.

On Monday, we learned that the process of applying for a new visa to be in the Czech Republic next year is going to take longer than we thought. We need a new visa because I will no longer be teaching at the Czech high school, since we will be living and both working at the Baptist Seminary.

The implication of this news is that, while we hoped we might get to meet and bring our baby home (to our Czech flat--not yet to the States) as early as June, it will now more likely be August or even later.

At first, I was terribly sad about this because I have been feeling SO ready and longing to meet the baby and get started! The last few days we've been scrambling, trying to find any other way to make it happen faster. However, it seems like we probably just have to accept this as the new reality.

Why does this feel like such a loss to me? Well, part of it is that it's frustrating and hard not to have a "due date" for this baby, like most women have. We can't plan easily. Additionally, we realized recently that it has now been more than 9 months since we decided to adopt--so we're feeling a sort of natural sense of "Where is this baby!?" Additionally, things seemed so positive at our last adoption interview and it really seemed likely that we would have her by June. I had so hoped to have the summer to get to know her and begin the process of attachment (which is harder in adoption than for children born to parents) before we will be starting new jobs.

Yesterday I hit a point of discouragement and anger, especially with Czech bureaucracy, where I just wanted to yell at God, "What are you doing?!? Where are you?!?" This was God's answer:

"I love you and I know what you need. Trust me to take care of these things and to bring this together in my perfect timing. In the meantime, just do the next right thing. Get the papers together and work as a team in doing it (you and Matt). Use this time to grow together. I am making you more ready. While you wait, keep your heart in the here-and-now. There are still things that I want to do in your relationships with your students, colleagues and Czech friends. Be listening for my Spirit's prompting. The fruit is ripe. I'm also working on you to bring deeper healing to some areas of your heart and spirit before you become a mom. The time will come. It's coming soon. You don't need to rush. I am taking care of it."

God continues to minister to me with this profound, healing word of grace that pierces through to my heart and reminds me that He knows me and what I need better than I do. And I needed to hear again that God wants to spread that grace to others around me through faithful relationships with them. This morning I read:

"We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...
...It is written: 'I believed; therefore I have spoken.' Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak... All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God...Therefore, we do not lose heart."

~from 2 Corinthians 4:7-17

God, I won't lose heart. Let your grace reach more and more people through me.

Things to pray about:
1. That God would work out the adoption timing in his perfect time.
2. That we would have wisdom as we buy plane tickets to go to my sister's wedding on July 1st (how long to stay in California before returning to Prague? should we stay long enough to be at ESI training to meet the new teachers or should we come back sooner?)
3. Ministry opportunities in these last few months with my students and colleagues, ongoing relationships with them.
4. Our financial needs for the coming year (we will be on full-time missionary support next year, which is a little bit scary, but also good because it will free us up to be 100% devoted to the work at the Seminary and to bonding with our new baby and helping her get adjusted to life in a new family/culture/language etc.)
5. We are hoping to gather some more frequent flyer miles from Lufthansa or United Air to help us bring the baby and ourselves home at the end of the next school year. Please pray that God will help us get those miles somehow.

The Power of Naming

2006-03-25T12:18:00.000+01:00

Recently, a good friend of mine was reflecting on the power of naming things in our lives. It came up as she was thinking about giving a name to the past year and the present one.

So, I thought I would give that a try.

In fact, it took me quite a while to come up with something, but I'm pleased with what I ultimately decided on. These names are an attempt to capture my sense of what God's been trying to teach me and do in my heart and life of late.

Without further ado...

2005 was "The Year of Grace"

It was one of the hardest years yet for me, with the return of depression and the new challenge of panic attacks and anxiety, lots of work to do for my Masters degree, struggles to grow in friendship being far away from my "home" community, dealing with my fears and insecurities as a developing teacher... However, God met me in a powerful way last year and taught me very concretely about grace. What a lesson!

One image, shared by a friend who was praying for me one day during a very hard time, will always stick with me about 2005: My friend envisioned me floating in a little row boat in the middle of the ocean, rowing and rowing to get back to a shore I couldn't even see. The word of grace, "Stop rowing! Rest in the boat. God is sending a ship of grace your way."

2006 feels like it will be "The Year of Releasing"

I'm not exactly sure what that means yet or what it will look like, but I sense that God is releasing me "from" and "to" many things. Some concrete ideas... freedom from inordinate attachment to things and routines, release from the stress and pressure I've felt the last few years of working and being in school at the same time, freedom from resentment toward others (the power of forgiveness!), freedom to fully step into the role of mom (something I've been longing for), freedom to trust God fully and not have to make things happen myself, freedom to share my faith and the lessons God's teaching me even more in relationships with people here in Prague...

I feel blessed by God and it's with a grateful heart that I want to proclaim these names--ready for God to teach me even more in the coming years!

What about you???

Nesting

2006-03-25T10:20:00.000+01:00

In the last few months, we've been preparing for becoming new parents in lots of ways:

praying together every night for our baby
taking adoptiong training courses online
reading lots of books Raising Adopted Children,

Talking with Young Children About Adoption,
Attaching in Adoption,
Your Baby's First Year and more.
spending more time with kids at our church (we've been volunteering in the nursery once a month)

In addition to all this, we've been gradually collecting all the "stuff" that is needed to take care of a little one. All of this comes together, to me, under the umbrella term "nesting." It's that loving, home-making, emotional and physical and spiritual process of preparing to nurture a tiny life who will soon be 100% in our care.

Nesting is an important concept in the adoption literature because it can be hard for some adoptive parents to nest, for fear that the baby they're hoping for might never come. We're fortunate in that respect because, the way the Czech system works, there isn't really any chance at this point that we won't be given a child. Since we're not linked up with a specific birth mother in advance, we don't have to worry about getting our hopes up. So nesting is free to be a joyful and anticipatory process through which we slowly but surely build towards this monumental event.

It helps to have a job to do while we're waiting!

One of the most fun things lately has been searching (over several weeks) for the perfect stroller. We've gone to at least 5 different baby stores around Prague on several occasions, searching and searching for the right one--and we finally found it! Our conditions:

lightweight and easy to pick up (to get on and off of trams!)
sturdy (these things aren't cheap, so it's important that it last)
needed to have one of those little aprons for keeping the baby warm in cold winters, these are called "cosytoes" :-)
needed to include a rain cover
not a "baby hummer" (as our friend, Matt Smith, calls the giant, unwieldy prams that some moms lug around Prague)
affordable

The one we ultimately settled on (there really wasn't any contest, actually) is by Chicco, the Ponee XS. We decided to go ahead and get it now largely because we really like it and you never know when things will go out of stock (in actuality, this is more my philosophy than Matt's, but he got on board after we talked it through), and we also don't know when the baby might show up (we don't want to have to scramble at the last minute and be rushed to pull everything together). So, we've been having fun for the last 24 hours trying out all its different configurations and pushing it around the flat.

Lamby, our stuffed lamb and stand-in baby for the time being, seems to approve.

On completing one of life's major milestones and not feeling much different...

2006-03-15T18:13:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I received a special email letting me know that my final paper for my Masters degree has been passed with flying colors.

You would think that finishing something like this--the Masters degree I've been sweating and stressing over for two and a half years--would feel like a great release and a huge accomplishment. Yet, I don't feel much different.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my class walked together in our graduation ceremony last summer, about 6 months before our final paper was due. I think I actually felt more celebratory then than now, which makes sense because the whole experience of wearing cap and gown, being hooded, walking across the stage, hearing speeches from fellow students and much-loved professors, and simply being together as a cohort in that special moment all works together to send my mind and heart and spirit the message that something momentus has indeed occured.

Lately, I feel a more subtle sense of change. I'm finished with my masters degree and Matt has all but finished his PhD (he sent off all the revisions today and now just waits for the degree itself.) In a sense, we've arrived at something, but it's really more like we've come to a place where God's giving us new directions toward a new destination.

Why is it that every ending, like these, seems to be more about change than about finishing?

I'm not upset about this. It's come to be normal to me. I grieve a bit about the changes (no more winter weeks in Thailand with my APU classmates, I'm even a bit nostalgic for paper-writing and sitting in class having stimulating discussions--I was always a school nerd!). But overall, I've just come to accept that life is always a series of lessons and we don't get to stay in any one season past the fullness of its time.

So, now we head into a new time of our lives. Matt will be more fully involved in the vocation to which he sensed God's call so many years ago and toward which he's been working all this time through his studies. I'll be taking a little break from teaching (though I'm sure I'll be back!) to explore the joys of motherhood. We'll be moving, hopefully, into a new community at the Baptist Seminary and our lives will be more closely intertwined with other believers in a setting in which we're all pursuing God together.

But before we rush into something new, I want to take a moment to pause and say, "Go me! I did something really big and it's worth acknowledging before I move on."

Where are you, Baby?

2006-03-15T18:01:00.000+01:00

Ever since we had our surprisingly pleasant and encouraging pscyhological evaluation (http://www.thomasfamilyweb.net/AdoptionJournal.htm) on March 7th, I have been wondering if this whole adoption thing is going to happen a lot faster than we had been exepcting!

It's wild and wonderful to know that there is a little person out there, probably already born, who will be joining our family forever in a matter of months.

Lots of questions are floating around in my head right now:
*what does she look like?
*what name has she been given?
*will she think we're strange at first because we smell and talk and look and act like foreigners?
*what will it be like to meet her for the first time? will she be afraid of us or will she sense our love and good intentions toward her?
*how long will it take to really bond and feel like a family?

The weird thing about adoption is that you are every bit as expectant as someone who is pregnant, but you can't pinpoint exactly where you are in the journey toward knowing this little one who's coming. Of course, even when you're pregnant you sometimes don't have that certainty, as I'm discovering walking alongside my friend Amy through her pregnancy here in the Czech Republic. Surprisingly, the doctors still aren't exactly sure how far along she is, and she's somewhere in the second trimester!

So, I guess there are really no certainties in the process of becoming a parent, and maybe it's better that way. As it is, we have no choice but to lean fully on our Heavenly Parent who delights in walking this road with us and watching us become more the people he knows we can be.

Do all humans have value?

2006-03-09T18:32:00.000+01:00

Today I had a major breakthrough with the students in my literature class over, of all things, a book about an Orthodox Jewish boy who discovers he has a gift for art, something which his family and community can never fully accept or even understand.

My Name is Asher Lev has been one of my favorite books since my college advisor and mentor, Dr. Shirley Mullen, invited us to read it in a World History course. In the story, the young Asher wrestles with the darkness and evil he sees in the world (embodied in his youth in the character of Stalin.)

For the first time this year, I was amazed to hear that my students were *entralled* with the book. A few minutes into our discussion, Jaroslav (or "Ruben" as we call him...don't ask), gets a serious look on his face.

"I'd like to ask you a question which I asked our teacher last year."

"OK. Shoot."

"Do you think all people are valuable? For example, do you think a good person has the same value as someone like Stalin or Hilter, or can you compare a hardworking man with a homeless man?"

Six pairs of eyes are intent on me. What will this strange Christian foreign answer to that one? They wait, these budding individuals raised in a society where homelessness is a joke and a loving God a myth...

I smile softly, my heart racing a little, aware of the magnitude of the question.

"Yes."

A barely perceptible collective intake of breath. Did she really say that? How could she say that?

I continue... "I do. I believe that every life one of us is precious and valuable, just because of who we are, not because of what we do or don't do."

Jara, "Really???"

"Yes. Certainly there are some people who make very poor choices and, in the process, harm themselves and others. Of course that is very serious and I do think there are consequences for our actions. People like Hitler and Stalin may deserve severe punishment for the ways that they've hurt people, but in their core, they are still valuable. We all are because we are loved by God."

Some mumbling, some discussion, some disagreement. Then...

Petra..."I agree with you. It's beautiful what you said. Because there is something valuable in each of us."

It's not the time yet to tell you all the intricacies of why I believe this, but this is a tangible sign of the door opening...just a crack. We're headed toward some interesting territory later in this book. Asher, the Jewish prodigy, will wrestle with the image of the crucifixion, explaining to his parents that he is drawn to it because it is the only image in the art museum that captures "that expression." A God who suffers and dies for love of the ones he values more than life itself.

God, help me communicate the depth of their value to You in words that they can hear on a heart level.

The Joy of Polish Pottery

2006-02-20T20:24:00.000+01:00

On my recent spring break (mid-Feb. 2006), I discovered the joy of Polish pottery.

Evidently, Polish pottery is one of Poland's best kept secrets--at least from the Polish people who seem to be completely oblivious to its existence and wild popularity outside of Polish borders.

I only became aware of the stuff here in the Czech Republic after expressing my profound admiration of a church friend's hand-decorated ceramic deviled-egg plate, which I had tried in vain to locate somewhere in Prague. Alas, she informed me, it would be necessary to make the journey to Poland to have such a thing for myself.

So, off to Poland we went. Well, it wasn't quite that simple, but ultimately Matt and I ended up in the Polish town of Wraclaw, sitting in an internet cafe copying down train times and directions to the tiny village of Boleslawiec--the Mecca of Polish pottery. By noon the following day, with a combination of Polish, Czech, English, German, and good old body language, we had managed to buy two round trip train tickets to Bolelawiec, find and board the train, buy ourselves a map of the town, and make our way by foot to four different Polish pottery outlets spread across town.

Evidently, this means of visiting Boleslawiec is fairly unusual. Following on the heels of a tour bus full of American army wives based in Germany, we finally reached the check out counter at the Manufaktura store. The woman selling us our pottery was literally dumbfounded to learn that we had *walked* to the factory from the train station and were asking for directions to the nearest bus stop to make our way back. "Well, you know..." we thought to ourselves, "a few years braving public transportation in Europe and we can handle just about anything. No cars or tour buses for us, no sir!"

In actuality, I would have loved to have a car, had it been possible and affordable, because our purchases were limited to the amount that we could carry between us on the several mile long trek back to the train station and on the train itself. However, in the end, we came home with:

*a squatty tea pot with a warming base (you can put a tea candle inside to keep the tea warm)

*two delived-egg plates

*a tiny ceramic bell (which I'll use as a Christmas ornament)

*and a child's tea set in the same pattern as the big pot (after all, we have asked for a little girl...)

Though I am a relatively recent "convert" to Polish pottery, I have to say I have fallen and fallen hard. So, in case anybody else feels like getting some of this fabulous stuff for themselves, here are a few good links I have found to get you started. Of course, if I head back to Boleslawiec some time, I just might be able to pick you up something in person!

A most helpful site if you actually want to *go* to Poland to buy the pottery. Also a lot of useful and interesting information about how it is made, quality etc. : http://slowtrav.com/eastern_europe/poland_pottery.htm

History of the town of Boleslawiec http://www.panorama-miast.com.pl/34/html/boleslawiec.htm

Info about the annual Polish Pottery festival in Boleslawiec http://www.polishpottery-online.com/andy_ceramics/en/whats.htm

Read more about Polish Pottery, especially from the Manufaktura company (the place where we bought most of our pieces): http://www.polish-goods.pl/aboutpottery.php

Polish pottery factory tour: http://munnwerks.com/pottery/facttour.htm

I love Russian art!

2005-09-29T22:22:00.000+02:00

I know it's a rather strange way to start my first blog entry ever, but I happened yesterday to find the website of a very cool Russian art musuem that my grandma (pictured left with my aunts, Jody and Lisa, and my uncle, Bruce) took me to visit in Minnesota.

My favorite thing in the exhibition was a fantastic painting called "Milkmaids." Since it would be illegal to copy it here, I'll simply encourage you to follow this link for a moment (come back, though!) To me, the painting captures the joy in the midst of mundane things that human beings are capable of, especially when we're in community together.

There were lots of other great paintings at the museum, so I'm including the link so that you can check out the rest of them too.

http://www.tmora.org/ (The Russian Museum of Art)

Aren't you feeling more cultured already?