Shift in perspective

A lot of people have been asking lately, "So, how are things going with the adoption?"

The short answer is that things are going "slowly".

When our translator called the Ministry of Social Affairs (the agency that has chare of Anna) on Monday, she spoke to someone else who explained that Mrs. Tobichikova is still on vacation (there isn't great communication between the Magistrate, who told us to call her Monday, and the Ministry of Social Affairs, we are learning) but that they would be happy to meet with us and answer our questions next week on Tuesday (the 22nd of August). In the meantime, the Ministry is going to send out a psychologist to evaluate Anna and make some recommendations (I assume about her readiness to be in a family setting rather than an institution).

The hard thing is that the Ministry, as is typical of all bureacracies, can't make a decision quickly; however, they did say that they will have a big department meeting on Sept. 5th (they have these regularly) and that should be when they decide for sure whether we can adopt her. On a certain level, we're holding loosely to that date because a lot of what we have been told thus far in terms of timing has proved to not be the case when the day rolls around.

The good news in all of this is that they haven't said "no" and they still seem generally positive toward the idea, though cautious about making any promises. We have continued to receive "maybe"s all the way, which is hard but leaves room for hope and trust that if God is in this, it will work out. My visa not being in yet is also a major problem as far as things moving ahead, so this actually gives us a little extra time for the visa to arrive before it is urgently needed.

Last night we were talking with a friend who, along with his wife, has adopted two children. They had 7 potential adoptions fall through (back in Canada) before one was completed. Our conversation reminded me that we have to think about this in a different way:

The ultimate goal is adoption of a baby whom God knows will be a perfect match for our family. Although we have come to love Anna and she would be our first choice, if for some reason God knows that someone else would be better for us (or us for her), then we can trust that this door closing will mean that God, in His wisdom, was guiding us to a different child. If God wants us to have Anna, then no earthly power--even bureaucracy--can stand in the way!

It helped me to think of that way, even though I would feel deeply sad if we are not able to adopt Anna. God is really trustworthy and I am already praying for protection from despair or depression if we hear some hard news in the future. The end of this story will be a wonderful child whom we have the privilege of loving forever.

So, thanks again for your prayers. Please do continue to lift up Mrs. Tobichikova at the Ministry of Social Affairs, who will be hearing about all this next week for the first time, and also pray for the psychologist's time with Anna (especially her conversations with the caretakers, who are very favorable toward us), and for our meeting with the Ministry which will hopefully happen next week to ask questions and give them the chance to see our hearts for Anna.

Please also pray for protection from depression or despair. As you may know, I struggle with seasonal depression, connected with the dark weather in the winter. The last few days have been cloudy and grey, and when the weather is like that, it becomes harder for me to keep a positive outlook. But God has been faithful and I feel like He--because of everyone's prayers--is carrying us through this time.

Visits

Now that I have finally updated everyone about the legal side of what's happening, I would like to share more about the human side... :-)

When we first met Anna and decided that we wanted to adopt her, we were told that it was okay for us to visit her at the orphanage to begin getting to know her. (This is part of what gives us hope that things are going to work out because they were initially unsure and then said it would be okay to visit.)

Since we're still not 100% sure if they will allow us to adopt Anna, we haven't been visiting every day or taking advantage yet of the opportunity to stay overnight with her in the adoptive family flats (apartments) that they have at the orphanage, but we have been going about 3 times per week to play with her, get to know her environment and routine, and help her become more comfortable with us.

You may be wondering if this is wise, given that it might not be possible to adopt her. Well, here is the reasoning behind our decision. To begin, when we first were told we could visit her, we were also told that there was a good chance we would be able to take her home about a week later (things have changed a bit since then, for various reasons...) So, our initial thinking was that we should take advantage of that time for us and for her to become more comfortable with each other before we spent some intensive time together and brought her home.

Once we were told that things were going to be more complicated and would take longer, we debated whether to keep visiting. Through lots of prayer and discussion, we realized that pretty much from the moment we decided to adopt her, the day after we met her, our hearts were already "hooked". So, if they said "no" in the end, we would grieve whether or not we visited her in the meantime. Additionally, from Anna's perspective, there is a volunteer who comes regularly to spend time with her, so we thought we could sort of think of ourselves as in the same category as that volunteer: caring people who come to see her on a regular basis.

Visiting has been a blessing for us and, we hope, for Anna too. The first time we came, she seemed to sense the high expectations in the room (the caretakers were coaxing her to come to us) and it was all a little overwhelming. She cried for the first 10 minutes or so and was clingy to the caretaker, but then she began warming up to us as we took it slowly. We were able to take her out for a trip around the grounds in her stroller and by the end of the afternoon, she was happily playing with us and even cried when we went home.

As a sidenote, the uncertainty and shyness that Anna felt towards us the first time is actually a very developmentally-appropriate and healthy sign. If she didn't distinguish between known, safe people and strangers, that would be something to be concerned about because it would mean that she doesn't have a strong attachment to her caretakers. So, the fact that she took some time to warm up bodes well for her ability to attach to us securely as her parents in the future.

On each subsequent visit, Anna cried a little less until by the third or fourth time, she greeted us with a delighted smile of recognition. She has warmed up to us beautifully and seems to soak up the one-on-one attention she gets when we are around (that is a big part of why the orphanage encourages special volunteers for each of the children.) The orphanage workers have let us be involved in feeding her dinner (which she LOVES! she is big into eating... :-), giving her a bath (another highlight of her day), and putting her to bed at night (which means about 6pm :-).

Anna has a precious, sweet disposition and in not easily phased by the dynamics of living with 4 other toddlers who often grab and push. We've been amused several times to watch her mimic the caretakers and wag her tiny finger at the other babies saying "Ti, ti, ti!" (the equivalent of "You naughty child!") But then she smiles and goes on with her playing.

One fun thing is that she is just on the verge of walking on her own. She can toddle around the room while holding on to furniture and wobbles about with an adult finger to support her. If I sit on the ground and hold out my arms to her, she will let go of the furniture and rush whole-heartedly into my arms (taking a few wobbly steps on her own on the way) with a sweet grunt of delight. :-) It's one of her favorite games and she will do it again and again.

The other day I was able to spend some time visiting on my own (while Matt got some work done.) This was a special time because the dynamic was quite different. Not only was it just me with Anna, but the caretaker took the other four kids from Anna's group to another room to watch a tv show and let us spend some time just the two of us. It was fascinating to see how different she was without the wild atmosphere of lots of kids around. She was a lot more calm and willing to sit on my lap, be held as we walked around the room, and just be quiet together and take each other in. I really enjoyed that time and was touched by how much these kids seem to long for special attention.

Matt put it well as we reflected on that time... It's as though these kids live in perpetual day care. Even though its generally a very good day care (except for the food they feed them.. i.e. jelly donuts for dinner!), it's still not a family where each kid gets extensive one-on-one attention. We wish we could help ALL of these kids find homes! But most of all, we hope that we can provide a lovingly family for Anna. We are falling in love with her--plain and simple--and we just long for the news that she can be ours forever.

Waiting and trusting

First, my apologies that it has been a while since I last wrote. We have been in work mode this week, trying to bank up some hours at the seminary so that if we have to work a little less around the time the baby comes home we'll have a good foundation of work done in advance. (At the moment, work is mostly editing articles and a book that the seminary hopes to publish this year, plus getting our offices set up and beginning to plan lessons for the English program, which begins in early September.)

So, what is happening with the baby?

The short answer: We are still waiting for a 100% yes from the state to say that we can adopt Anna. We are hoping and praying hard that that answer will come early next week. Last Tuesday, our translator (Mirka) called the Magistrate and was able to speak with Mrs. Hessova--the head hauncho as far as our case goes. She was just back from vacation and getting all the news of what had been happening while she was gone. This was the woman we had been told we would have to convince that our adopting Anna was the best scenario. She seemed to still be trying to get her head around it (Anna is older than what we had told them we wanted and has Turner's Syndrome, which seems to baffle them because most Czech families are not interested in adopting babies with health conditions like hers. Also, we had said that we wanted a generally healthy baby--because were envisioning emergency or dangerous conditions like AIDS, severe drug addiction etc.)

Anyway, in the end she agreed to forward our file on to the Ministry (of Social Affairs? we think...) which has direct authority over Anna's case because Anna had been moved to the status of being available for international adoption. What we have been told (though things change frequently...) is that if Mrs. Tobichikova at the Ministry agrees that we are suitable parents for Anna, Anna will be moved back to domestic adoption status--in other words, the responsibility for her will be returned to Mrs. Hessova at the Magistrate. This is good because it means we can adopt her through the original process we have been working through (as legal Czech residents.)

One urgent prayer request in the meantime is this:

• I (Jenny) need to receive my visa/residency permit for this year in the VERY NEAR FUTURE because everything will be on hold in terms of brining her home if I don't have it in hand. Please pray that it comes through ASAP (like, Monday, August 13th, would be fantastic!) but any time soon would be great.
  
• Once the visa is ready, I will hop on a train for a quick day trip to Dresden, Germany, to pick it up (I love Dresden, so this is something I'm looking forward to... :-)

We are supposed to call Mrs. Tobichikova at the Ministry on Monday, at which point she should have had time to receive and look over our file. Please pray for that phone call and the in person meeting which we are hoping will ensue from it:

• Pray that if this is God's will, she will see our committment and love for Anna and want to do everything in her power to help Anna become part of our family.
• Pray that the visa will not be an issue in terms of things moving ahead in our being approved (we really should only need the visa in hand at the point that we take Anna home from the orphanage--pray that they don't make an issue of it before that point and can do the other paperwork that needs to happen in the meantime)
• Pray that we have patience and grace as we are waiting--please pray against frustration and despair and for God's deep peace

In the last week, we have been actively seeking God about this because it is a difficult time--the waiting, the uncertainty, the challenge of getting acurate information about what's happening. Although we know there is still a chance that the authorities will decide we are not the right parents for Anna or there is some legal barrier to us adopting her, we are waiting with faith on God in trust that if this is right (which we believe it is), He can bring it all together. Our sense from God has been that He is in this and is going to bring it about. We have felt a surprising and encouraging peace in the midst of this time--a truly supernatural gift from God!

Please join us in our prayer of faith that God is able to do even more than we could ever ask or imagine!

Holding Pattern

First, although I risk you not coming back here to actually read this update, I have to direct you to our recently-added online photo album of our first real visit with Anna. (You can always find pictures, news, etc. at our website: www.thomasfamilyweb.net.)

For the past week, we have had the pleasure and delight of visiting Anna several times to get to know her better. At the moment, the status of things is that we have been given permission to visit, but have not been given the final 100% yes about adopting her. As best we can tell (information is limited and received via translators), this is because there are one or maybe two(?) people who have direct responsibility over her case who are on vacation and won't be back until August 7th or 8th. So, we are waiting to talk with them and hopefully to convince them that joining our family is in her best interest. The normal process is that the adoption officials would find a child for us and present her to us, but the way it happened with Anna was a happy accident. We met her by chance while visiting the orphanage and fell in love immediately. So, we're ruffling a few feathers by taking this unusual route...

The bureaucratic hurdles and lack of complete certaintly have made it hard to simply enjoy our time together with her, yet we wait with trust in God's wisdom and power to bring about whatever He knows is best. We feel on a very deep level that this is right and are praying daily that God would bring everything together so that she can join our family forever. Despite the difficulties, we are finding moments of great joy because of the delightful little person that Anna is. This past week we have enjoyed:

• seeing her warm up to us (the first few times she cried when we arrived--a healthy sign because it shows she can distinguish between known and unknown people, some kids in orphanages exhibit "indiscriminate friendliness" which is actually a dangerous trait because it shows a lack of ability to attach to close caregivers above others)
• no tears today when we arrived--just a big smile, obvious pleasure at our presence, and cooes of recognition :-)
  
• taking her on walks around the grounds of the orphanage
• playing on the swing together and singing "Rain, Rain, Go Away..." (she started mimicking the tune and trying to sing along with us :-)
• watching her try to take her first wobbly steps
• the immense pleasure she gets out of eating dinner--which we have been feeding her (as part of helping her get more used to us taking care of her)
• learning her bath time routines (how many grown adults does it take to get footy pajamas on a baby? :-)
• her adorable gestures like great big laughing smiles, blowing kisses, nodding her head while saying, "Yo, yo, yo!" (something like, "Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh" in Czech), and scolding the other babies when they do something naughty (she mimicks the caretakers and shakes her finger at them :-)
• her precious intermittent thumb-sucking
  
• her beautiful, curly brown hair and pretty brown eyes
• the endearing raspiness of her little voice (the kids seem to pass colds around to each other constantly)

So, while we feel like we are in a holding pattern on the bureaucratic side of things, we feel very, very blessed to be spending time with her and pray that God will allow us the privilege of being her family forever.

Right now, there are some major things that need prayer:

• for my (Jenny's) visa to come through THIS WEEK--without it, everything is on hold because we need to have legal status in the Czech Republic to complete the adoption (praise God, Matt's visa came through back in late June--a real miracle!)
• for favor with a woman named Mrs. Hessova, whom we need to convince that our adopting Anna is the best thing for her and that we are ready to face her special medical needs
• for the meeting that we hope to have this week with Mrs. Hessova and whomever else will need to sign off on the adoption
• for peace and trust as we wait through the uncertainty (this is really hard...)
• for our time with Anna in the coming days and weeks, for growing trust, love, and tender hearts toward each other--that she would feel deeply loved and honored
  

Thank you everyone who has been praying and sending words of encouragement. We really feel it!